As most of you (who really know me) know, I don't get out all that often. Oh, I used to - and was even in charge of writing...you know...words that made sense (and under no circumstances would have done so with so many...you know...dots) - in fact, I commuted to downtown NYC (Wall Street) pregnant, even.
Now?
Trips to the grocery store wig me out!
Imagine my surprise (read: WTF WERE THEY THINKING?) when receiving an invitation to sit at a roundtable discussion with...(GULP!)...other bloggers...the likes of...(HOLY CRAP!)...Mom-101 and...(SHIVER!)...DaddyTypes and...(GOOSEBUMPS!)...PHAT Mommy and...(UGH, CAN A MOM BE ANY CUTER?)...Modern Mom and...(UH, YAH...AND YOUNGER!)...Savvy Mommy.
And then wigging out because I'd actually have to...uh, talk...to "real people" and...you know...the table was actually more rectangularish!
DUDE...I felt sooo outta place.
So, when Liz (a.k.a. Mom-101) says to me in the elevator (after she's caught me making goo-goo eyes with her gorgeous two-year-old-daughter):
"I see you're carrying a Minti bag...so, you must be going to the same place I am!?!"
And what do I do?
Kick the stroller to the side and latch onto her left breast...like a greedy little piglet.
"OH, hi...yeah...probably...I didn't actually buy this bag...no...I WON IT!...actually, I was trying to win tickets to BlogHer because...you know...I have four kids...and like they eat...a whole lot...anyways...I didn't win...but, I got runner-up...and they were going to send me a schwag...but, I said...DUDE!...just send me one of those cherry bags...and I'll be good to go...even though I'm not going to BlogHer...but, HEY!...I'm in NEW YORK CITY...aren't I?...and they picked me up at the train station...and like, I totally called my husband from the train station and told him...DUDE, I'M IN THE CAR!...and then text messaged him just before...saying...DUDE! I'm in the hotel and THEY'VE GOT FREE FOOD!"
Then the elevator doors opened and like...she ran...and...funny...I never got a chance to chat her up again.
"Hi, we're so glad you could make it, Elizabeth!"
[nervously looks around and vigorously shakes hands with a key-speaker]
"OH...hi...yeah...and can you believe I got my period this morning?!?"
[blank stare]
"You know...I didn't actually buy this bag..."
I swear to you, I told her the whole car, text-messaging, food story because I am A DORK! And, needless to say, I was beyond nervous - I mean, these bloggers...you know...write good - and I was probably the only one in the room who did NOT have a book out, coming out or anywhere near the closet...whatsoever...but, I managed to speak...without spitting (too much)...totally crushed on Greg and pretty much am ready to have Mom-101's next baby...because she actually posted I HAD GOOD HAIR!
Well, maybe not in those exact words...but, I could tell she was totally into me!
[Liz who...from this full...WHAT?"]
You know...I didn't actually buy this bag...
