Tuesday Toot: The Emancipation of Mommy - New and improved, now available in UPPERCASE!

The idea behind Marie's meme is that, every Tuesday, moms should get the chance to "toot our own horns" (for once) and celebrate each others achievements.

Ready?

Okay -- although, I'm NOT very good at accepting praise [cough-cough] here it goes -- after years of trial and error, I have discovered the secret to good housekeeping!

You see, growing up with Hungarian parents, there were two things I learned very early on -- how to cook and how to clean.

Every Saturday -- while other kids went to band practice, played sports and attended girl scout meetings -- I learned the art of waxing floors, de-greasing a stove and how to tightly stuff and roll a perfectly par-cooked cabbage leaf!

Don't get me wrong -- my parents weren't ogres -- we played, plenty, but keeping our house and caring for the family took precedence over pretty much everything else and I didn't mind scrubbing and scouring too much, because...well...I honestly didn't know any other way.

Ask my husband, he knows.

On the day he planned to propose to me, he found me my parent's kitchen, with my head in the oven, and nearly dropped dead of a heart attack.

OH STOP!

I was scrubbing the inside of the oven ( sheesh) what else? It was a Saturday!

Now?

Feh, with four kids of my own, let's just say -- when it comes to housework -- I've learned to loosen the apron strings, just a tad.

I am NOT so uptight about the way my kids clean (or, don't) and their knuckle-headed way of dropping chow and leaving a trail of backpacks, books, cleats, socks, empty juice boxes, wrappers and those stupid Polly Pockets lying around the house.

[closes eyes and takes deep breath]

Nope, not much.

It's nice, you know? When I just think of the times I've spent, on my knees (shuddup, Garth!) when I could have been just as happy mingling with the house moss, or twirling in a the spotlight of sunbeams. The realization that true friends don't mind that you, you know, ignore the laundry and dance with dust bunnies is, well, it's an emancipation of mommy guilt.

Sort of.

So, the next time housework starts getting you down...

[slapping you upside the head]

...join the revolution and follow these simple acts of liberation - repeat after me:

SNAP UP OUT OF IT!

Stop. Go get some coffee. Accept my new philosophy on housekeeping as your own, m 'kay!?!

I DON'T DO WINDOWS!

Nature is our friend. I would not want to risk having a bird fly into a clean window and getting hurt!

I DON'T WAX FLOORS!

Someone will slip and get hurt and I would ~~get sued~~ feel terrible!

I DON'T MIND DUST BUNNIES!

They are very good company, I have named most of them and they agree with everything I say!

I DON'T DISTURB COBWEBS!

I ~~am deathly afraid of spiders~~ believe every creature should have a home.

I DON'T SPRING CLEAN!

I love all the seasons and wouldn't want the others to get jealous.

I DON'T PUT THINGS AWAY

My husband, Garth (not his real name) will never be able to find anything and my children will only leave stuff out, again.

I DON'T DO GOURMET MEALS!

I don't want my guests stressing over what to make, when they invite me over for dinner.

I DON'T IRON!

There is such a thing as "permanent press" and, well, because I FRICKIN' SAID SO, THAT'S WHY!

Everyone, chant with me now:

"Besides...ohm...a clean house...ohm...is obviously...ohm...a sign of...ohm...a...broken...ohm...computer...ohm!"

Signed,

I.M. TIRED!

Oh, and don't even get me started on the frickin' laundry!!!

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Comments

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OH yeah - great advice!

You are my hero.

Posted by: Donna | February 19, 2008 at 10:42 AM

Okay. That totally made my day. Thanks! So true about the computer. The last time I scrubbed our tub was when our internet connection was down.

Posted by: Cheryl | February 19, 2008 at 12:26 PM

I absolutely *love* this!! Just may print it out and put it on my fridge! LOL! GREAT post!!

Posted by: Stacey | February 19, 2008 at 12:39 PM

Hiya
you are hilarious! Loved this post.....great to meet you!

Posted by: Fee | February 19, 2008 at 02:51 PM

I have to say that the windows thing was a recent epiphany for me too--it like they don't stay clean so why sweat the finger prints so much? I'm getting laid back in my old age apparently :)

Posted by: Michelle at Scribbit | February 19, 2008 at 05:12 PM