Child Web-Safety: It's NOT just a scare tactic.

Our superintendent sent out a letter that there would be an evening presentation held at the middle school on teaching your children about online safety.

It's not the first time I've received such a notification.  Besides, I attended something similar two years ago.

I have four children (14, 12, 9 and 6) who will be entering into four different schools within the district, next year.  So, I'm pretty much used to getting scary letters from school.  Like the latest outbreaks of chicken pox and head lice and the typical "just so you know" type letters, reminding parents "how to know when your child is too sick to go to school" AND the repercussions of "excessive absents."

I know...DUH!...I spend a lot of time on the Internets.  I make it my business to surf the blogosphere and have spoken about the power of the mom blogging community (more than once) and I have become fearless.  In fact, I feel safer here (in my blog) than I do out on the street and thought...meh...I am so done with scare tactics!

Until, it happened to our family.

Last week, I received an email from a popular online gaming community for children - not naming names and you'll soon understand why - informing me that they had found personally identifiable information within a chat log attached to our account.

• 13:11:09 what skewl u go to
• 13:11:48 no! whats the name
• 13:12:35 what state?
• 13:31:30 ok whats the secret?
• 13:33:48 have i what?
• 13:33:52 luved some1
• 13:33:53 ?
• 13:34:21 lost my what?
• 13:35:16 what were u asking me?
• 13:35:24 u said lost ur.... and then i asked what?
• 13:35:36 o!
• 13:35:38 NO

They placed our account on a 72 hour hold and I thought that it would perhaps give me enough time to stop my hands from shaking off my wrists and frying my laptop, forever.

I read between the lines and quickly figured out the gist of the conversation and I can't tell you how sick it made me.

Okay, I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

Then, I sat down and tried to think this thing through:

• All four of my kids play this game.
• Only two of them spell well enough to know this type of Internet shorthand.
• Hey...wait a minute...I didn't know you could chat with other players!?!?

I read and re-read the 0:24:27 of the chat and found the only redeeming quality I could and that was our IP ended the chat after the last entry...in UPPERCASE.

No, it's not funny, but that "NO" was the only thing that was keeping me from throwing up, again.

I mean, in real life, I make it my business to know where my children are (at ALL times) and insist that I (or their father) be introduced to who my kids play, or hang with.

Online, or texting on the phone, not so much.

Until something like this happens (or, we get the phone bill) and it's very nearly too late to do anything more than reprimand the child with grounding, or taking away their computer/texting privileges.

Only AFTER having scared the living daylights out of him, or her, by telling your baby stories of online predators posing as children, or stalkers who make it their business to know how to gain a child's trust, and anything else to get close enough to their victims, until they scream.

"STOP...Mommy, you're scaring me!"

But, your heart feels as if it's going to beat out of your chest and land on your desk, right next to your hands.

"You should be scared!"

And the only thing you could do is hug them until their eyes pop out.

"Mommy's scared, too!"

The game is supposed to be reinstated tomorrow and my husband and I have decided to allow my children access.  But, no chatting.  Ever.  And (believeyoume) my husband and I will be checking over each and every one of their "friends lists," too!

As a parent, I am NOT very proud of myself at the moment.  As a mom blogger, I urge all of my online friends to take a moment, get to know your children's online friends and take those privacy acts and safety policies a little more seriously.

Don't wait (like I did) until the Internets scares the shit of you, or your kids, too.

© 2008 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

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Comments

[Jennifer James]

I really hate chat features on Net games, especially the ones for children. I just don't think they're necessary and they're really scary.

Thanks for sharing!

[Jess]

I check Thing 1's computer every week. I was really shocked when I came across myspace in his history. I pulled up where he visited and it was a friend’s site. Everything on there was age appropriate but totally freaked me out that his friend had a myspace page. I told Thing 1 he was no longer allowed to visit that page or any other myspace page. I went over the "stalking" talk we had over a year ago when we set up the internet on his laptop. I am hoping that the refresher brought him back to reality.

[Liz]

Thank you for your thoughts, Jennifer and Jess.

I also didn't think the chat feature was necessary - but, I thought it was ONLY me.

I hope that more parents will have access to this post and perhaps chime in on getting rid of "chatting features" for young kids, too!

Damnit, I can't help but feel like an idiot.

I really hate being a parent and feel so stupid, sometimes.

Still.

Attention Stalkers:

Don't you even think about frickin' messing with my kid!

[Vered - MomGrind]

Wow.

We gave our kids specific instructions to never disclose their real names, address, or phone number. It has never occurred to me to also tell them not to disclose which school they go to and to emphasize that the idea is not to say *anything* about their real life.

I will review our online guidelines immediately and we are going to have a family talk tonight.

I am also going to stumble this post. I want as many people as possible to read this.

[Jaynee]

Wow, Liz, that's crazy and good for you for taking action.

My kids are too young right now and don't even know the internet exists. I'm going to try and keep it that way for a LONG LONG time.

When we go to build a house we've already planned to have the kids' homework/computer area out in the open where we can see exactly what they are doing at all times. No computers in their room AT ALL. I'm adamant about that part.

[Belinda]

Oh, man. I discovered recently that one day a few months ago, Bella (AGE FIVE) set up a Twitter account. I kid you not. She must have done it and then forgotten all about it, because she wasn't following anyone, and had only posted two "updates" which consisted of our shopping list that day, but still--the fact that she is savvy enough, PRE-KINDERGARTEN, to do that? Slapped me sober. I thought she was never on the computer without me being right next to her--obviously I need to pay better attention.

I do appreciate Webkinz World and their scripted "chat" feature. The kids can "chat" with other users in the public areas, but they can't type in any text. They have to choose from pre-written snippets of conversation ("Hello," etc.), so they can't reveal any personal info even if they want to.

[Liz]

Hi Jaynee,

You want to hear something even MORE stupid AND scary - our computer is in the middle of the living room!

Hey Belinda,

Scripted chat is a terrific feature for kids.

Here's the other thing; this online game I'm talking about is for players 10+ and adults play, too.

[Devlin Bentley]

When I was about 9 years old, a year or two before I got on the Internet I was on a BBS (Bulletin Board System, basically a digital message / chat program that people could call into using their computer's modem, most often they were local to the area where one lived). Being the nice trusting honest type I had always provided my real name/address.

I stopped doing that when one of the co-system administrators (co-sysops) on a board I belonged to got high and drunk at the same time, posted all my personal info and threatened to kill me.

I learned two lessons from this. Keep my personal information private, and that drugs are very bad!

When I did get on the net a few years later (IIRC I was 10 or 11), my real name did not appear anywhere on it until I was 18.

Unfortunately it does take being scared halfway to death (almost literally...) to engrave proper security habits into children. In my case I was lucky that the guy who had my personal info (a teenager just a few years older than I was at the time) was not doing any more serious drugs that could have motivated him to go out and make true on his threats.

[FireMom]

Oh Liz! AH! I've shared this with my Google Reader friends and will be passing it on to some other friends with kids old enough for internet usage.

Thank you for sharing.

And hugs to you.

[SherE1]

That's my biggest fear, as well, for my two older girls. They complain that the 4 YO is allowed to go on the computer whenever she wants but - HELLO - she can't read or type yet and only plays games on kid-friendly sites. Once she can start start typing, she'll have to ask permission to go on the computer and be limited to an hour, just like her older sisters. I can't monitor every single thing they do on the computer but I WILL look at the history and print out/email/cut out every single article I ever come across that talks about online predators so that I can scare the heck out of my girls.

[NG]

Yikes. I'm so glad that my children are too young to use the Internet right now. And that I have a few years to learn things to watch out for from wise and helpful women like you in the meantime.

Thanks for the lesson.

[Nicole]

I can cut/paste NG's response. It's nuts.

On a good note, a friend conveyed a story about her son on one of those sites. She said he heard some kids at school say "sex" and didn't know about it (too young to have the talk, she thought). He posted on one of those kid games asking someone if they knew what sex was. Immediately, he got a pop-up message that his account was suspended for 24 hours. My friend said that's when she realized she needed to have the talk and that she was glad that a simple word was enough to knock him off the system...

[Cheryl]

SOB. That's awful. Here's a hug for you. I hope my children hate computers when they are old enough to use them. What are the chances? Ugh.

[Stacey @Real World Mom]

Wow! My heart is in my throat reading that! BIG hugs to you! Thank goodness the site caught this and notified you. Hugs to you, Liz!

[Believer in Balance]

Holy crap!!! That is so scary. Now I'm wondering if my kids play that game! (Can you email me and tell me which one?) That's great that the company contacted you. Clearly, they're focused on keeping things safe. I feel better knowing that. Well, a little.

[Christina]

Ugh, it's disgusting, isn't it?

My two girls are still far too young to deal with this, but they will always have monitored computer time until they are much older and prove they are responsible.

I can't even tell you how many times I've had people find my blog by searching for crazy topics like "pre-teen p0rn." That alone tells me that this isn't the same world we grew up in.

[Mom101]

Holy cow Liz, I'm so upset right along with you. I can only hope that by the time my kids are old enough for this that the safety factor will be as airtight as it can be.

I think you handled it beautifully by the way.

[Carrie]

I would've thrown up too! Yikes, yes, nip that chatting stuff in the bud and scare them enough so they'll understand! I'd d the exact same thing.

And don't beat yoursef up too much, we have to live and learn, even when we are the parents. :)

[Liz]

Like I emailed to my friend, Christina:

What bugs me is that I "thought" my 12 year-old knew better. Should have, anyway. UGH! That'll learn me!

[Liza's Eyeview]

My kids are into Webkinz and Maple Story. Sometimes RunScape. Can you please e-mail me which game ths happened? Scary! Thanks for sharing this so we can be aware and watchful.

[Kim/hormone-colored days]

This is really creepy. I'm glad to be going to an Internet safety talk tonight.

The Internet feels so safe because all I do is hang out with the Mommybloggers. I've even hosted blogfriends at my house though I'd never met them in person (even as I attempt to put the fear of God in my kids about ever pulling such a stunt themselves).

Thanks for the post!

[YellowRose]

It's very scary and I'll be honest with you, it doesn't stop even when your kids get older. When my daughter was 18 she got talked into putting an ad on Yahoo Singles! I happen to find it when using her laptop one day (I'd check her history periodically). After my heart started beating again, I showed her dad and we sat down with her to show her how stupid it was for her to do what she did. She had too much personal information on there and could have been found easily! Once we scared the crap out of her she realized it wasn't worth it. She knew better, just used bad judgement.
The web can be a wonderful tool, but it can also be one of the scariest things in the wrong hands. As a parent, I think it's our job to keep our eyes open no matter how old they are when it comes to their safety on the web.

[Mom of three]

IF this is a site for ages 10+ then why are you allowing your two younger children to play it?
I agree we have to watch our children when they are online, but we need to start with not allowing them to use sites if they are two young for that site's guidelines.

And from reading the log, it looks like you should be proud. Your child was clueless about loving some1, and it doesn't appear they were willing to give out their school or state. Go them!

This could have been another child, just wanting to make conversation. Believe it or not, they talk to each other like that all the time in person.
I think the best way we protect our children isn't by constant supervision by us, but rather by teaching them to be diligent themselves. Knowledge is power!

Also I might point out to even post here I have to give a name and an email address. Ironic that I have to give out information I don't want to give to comment to a post about protecting ourselves on the internet.

[Liz - Queen of the Dorks]

Mom of three,

Thank you very much for your comment - you've made some very good points - my two youngest (they are 6 and 9) play the game, which is downloaded onto my laptop and not the desktop, with my supervision.

I believe I mentioned in this post about giving her props for "ending the chat," as soon as "she realized it was inappropriate."

Yes, this could be another child. I don't know that, for sure.

As long as my children are living in my house, they will be under my (and my husband's) supervision.

That's how we roll, here.

Bottom line, I wouldn't have even known about the chat and appreciate the fact that the "parental controls" worked really well, this time.

I never professed (ever) to be a parenting expert and appreciate any and all insights I receive from my readers.

Oh, and the only information other readers of this blog will see is your handle, or you are more than welcome to continue the conversation via email.

[Mitch McDad]

Great post. Very scary, but a good lesson for those of us not quite there yet....mine are just 2 and 4.