Be sure to leave the twenty, on the nightstand, on your way out!

What?  Is it Tuesday, already?  Is it me...or, does anybody else NOT have the time...for anything, anymore?  I swear, the older the kids get...well, you know...I wonder.  Does anyone else know if snoring on my husband's lap is considered foreplay?

I found the picture (above) on my phone and I'm guessing that one of my kids took it.  I'm not quite sure which one - because, I was busy sleeping at the time - but, I bet Garth (not his real name) would figure it out, sooner or later.

"Hello, Couch Potato residence."

Uh-huh.

"Who's calling?"

We allow our kids to answer the house phone, too - add another tally mark on the Bad Mother of the Year list, if you wish - and it's because the person calling is probably looking for one of them, anyway.

"Wait a minute, let me grab a crayon, or something."

However, our middle girl (she's 12 and going on WTF!?!) has lost her computer privileges (being 12 sucks wet poodle) and Thing Two is taking it a little too...um...personal.

"That's a bank, right?"

On another day (as Mini-me likes to say) either my husband, or I would have intervened and the discussion would NOT have gone beyond, "Hello, who is this?"

"Why, do they owe you money, or something?"

Still.

"Really, are you sure about that?"

I hate solicitations (especially, at night) and it was after 8:00 o'clock (the kid-witching hour) and Thing Two has a great sense of timing.  Though, she STILL needs to work on her material.  Especially if the bit happens to include, you know, slamming her parents.

[shrugs]

I wanted to see where she would take this and...besides...there wasn't anything good on t.v., anyway.

"Well, my dad already works for a bank."

[one beat, two beats]

"And they STILL owe ME, ten bucks!"

[SLAM]

Good one.

"Who was it, honey?"

SNORT.

"Oh, some lady calling to confirm Daddy's interview for next week!"

OUCH.

"Nah...RELAX...I'm just messin' with ya'!"

Too late.

"Ummm...why is mommy lying on the floor, like that?"

Apparently, Garth (not his real name) wasn't as asleep as...um...I thought he was and...NO...I did NOT think what Thing Two did was very funny, either...sort of.

Later.

[whispering]

"Here."

[eyes go wide]

"What's this?"

I shoved five bucks into her pocket and kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Mommy needed a good laugh."

[giggle]

"What?"

She reached into her other pocket and pulled out a twenty.

"I guess dad needed it WAY MORE than you!"

DAYUM, that kid is gooooood!

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In Other News:

This Full House Giveaway #4 ends, tomorrow at midnight, May 7th (for real, THIS time, I checked the calendar) it's a cool bundle of "new parent" stuff from Target.com and I'm just itching to give it ALL away!

Did you know I have a monthly column at the Imperfect Parent called Growing Pains - yeah...I don't know how that happened, either - so, maybe you'd consider reading this month's article,  "What Do May Flowers Bring?"

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© 2008 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

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Comments

[SherE1]

She IS good! That's too funny!

[Nicole]

I was going to say that it sounded like a good opportunity to mess with whomever was on the other end of the phone... but I think YOU got messed with too! If you have caller ID, I would seriously check to see if it was a 12-year old friend in on a money making scheme for your daughter! An easy $25 every time the phone rings. hehe :)

[Sparrowflew]

Heh. That's funny.

[YellowRose]

That one has got a career ahead of her as a comic or say a con-artist! LOL

[dana]

Oh my gosh. I am laughing my ass off. Might pee if this keeps up. Tell her I want front row seats to her next comedy show.

[Amber]

LOVE it. Some days, that's the only foreplay we see at Casa Canuck. :-)

[Dawn]

please, the last time we attempted the foreplay the child woke up and um... the act itself had to be wrapped up before the "walk with the animals" mobile" finished playing!

[Mrs. Schmitty]

These days that wouldn't be foreplay...that would be the whole kit and kadoodle!

[JoLynn from The Fit Shack]

I guess I'm anti-social because I don't like to answer the phone when I don't know the # on the caller id, (does anyone else do that or is it just me?)

You've got a good system going though, to foil telemarketers but you know what made me laugh about your post? "Thing Two"....this is my first time visiting your blog and I'm assuming that's one of your kids, but it really cracked me up - thanks! :)

[bunny]

LOL! Wow! She's real good!! Plus, you're good at telling it to :)

[Kate]

She's just awesome! LOL!