Curse While You're Thinking It Saves Time (In Jersey, Anyway!)

Queen Latifah (love her!) gives a really great interview in Parade Magazine, this week:

"There's something about growing up in New Jersey that prepares you for whatever you might encounter around the world. We're not afraid to go places."

Having lived in Jersey, all my life, I feel it safe to say, "What she said!!!"

Contrary to what many other people may think (about people from Jersey) specifically, about moms like me...ahem...we really do know how to use our words and, although we tend to speak with our hands, some of us more than others...ahem...Jersey Girls know how to use their inside voices, too.

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Unless, you've had someone home, sick, since Christmas Eve and then get dumped on by 3 feet of snow (a.k.a. Snowmaggedon) causing you to convince a typically understanding 15 year-old (note: she was the one sick on Christmas) that...YES!!!...celebrating unbirthdays is waaaay cool (IS SO!) oh, and that shopping for last minute New Year's Eve snackage is awesome AND fun (see previous parenthesis) then, some unfortunate a$$hat decides to take your parking space.

[inhales]

You know, the one you've been patiently waiting on for the last eleventy hours.

"ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME!"

[puts car in park, rolls up sleeves, swallows gum]

"What are *bleep*ing blind, can't you see me *bleep*ing waiting ovuh-heh?"

[inhales]

"Yah, well, a very Happy *Bleep*ing New Year, to you, too, you morrrrrrr-RON!"

Aaaand, this is about the time I remembered that, you know, my 15 year-old was still in the car and, judging by the look on her face, I just earned myself another reason why I won't be accepting Mother of the Year, again, or anytime soon, for that matter.

[rolls window down]

"Yeah, what SHE said!"

Then again, looking on the bright side, my kids are getting older and, well, worst case, they won't be afraid to call out bad behavior when the see it.

[rolls window up]

"Um...what the heck is an A$$hat?"

Aaaand they seem to be able to show much more restraint than, you know, their mother, already.

"Someone who says or does something, stupid, without thinking."

On the other hand, the lesson would have been MUCH MORE effective if, you know, I had thought to roll the window down...first.

"Can I say it?"

[one beat, two beats]

"Only if someone really, really deserves it!"

So, Happy New Year, everyone...except you.

[rolls down window]

"You stupid, parking-space-stealing, a$$hat!"

What she said!

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Comments

[Melisa]

I have never wanted to be with you more than during this parking lot confrontation. :)

Maybe we can re-enact it in San Diego? Think about it.

[Heather]

hahahahhaha I would definitely like to see the reenactment that you're going to do for Melisa! We will make it happen! ;)

[Liz@ThisFullHouse]

Melisa & Heather:  Hopefully, won't have to and, seeing as I am one of the founding members of SaveHer, it would be unethical -- unless, I'm pushed, in which the Jersey just HAS to come out :)

Hugs,

Liz

[NYCPatty]

Love you Jersey Girl! Been there...done that..for the same reason too! Hugs!

[Tara R.]

My son used to rat me out to his dad when he heard me swearing. Now, we conspire together and we don't tell on each other for our potty mouth talking. It's a bonding thing, really, truly.

[Liz@ThisFullHouse]

Hi Tara,

Good point.  The kid and I definitely bonded on this particular day ;)

Hugs,

Liz

[Headless Mom]

Ha! I witnessed this first-hand today. The two 'ladies' continued screaming "asshole" at each other all the way into the store. I found it quite amusing actually. Of course, it wasn't me that was involved....