Sundays in My City:
Beware the Icicle Slayer
Breaking Bread

The Maude Squad

The Maude Squad
WHAT?!?  I know.  But, it's been a looooooooooooong, cold, winter and, well, the novelty of playing in the snow has worn off, two storm systems ago, to the point where my two youngest are actually, you know, playing with their Christmas gifts.

Please understand that I am in no way advocating gun play...for real...my children are old enough to know the difference and, as you can see, they are also wearing protective eye gear.

Okay, now that we're clear, continue making yourself comfortable and let's talk about sex education.

[the sound of many doors, slamming]

Believe me, having had the talk and embarrassing my two oldest children with stories of how my Eastern European-raised parents and I, you know, did NOT talk (about sex, or anything to do with one's body, from the neck, down, I mean) hence, my believing that...OMG!...French kissing WILL get you pregnant...so, yeah, trust me...I know how you feel!

Personally, I sort of like reinforcing the fact that we, older parental-type units have our hangups, too.

It's hard, you know?

On the one hand, I want to be totally open with my children (sort of) then, again, it's hard to decide how much information they really need to hear, or not.  Not to mention, control when, where and who they, you know, hear it from (DAMMIT!)

So, we were watching The Golden Girls the other night.

SLAM!

WHAT?!?  I know.  But, they also enjoy watching the History Channel, along with Broadway musicals on PBS (yes, WITH ME!) and, well, I believe in providing my children with a well-balanced television viewing experience, too (i.e. no iCarly...EVER!)

"What's impotent mean?!?"

Et tu, Golden Girls?

"Go ask Daddy."

WHAT?!?  I already had the talk...twice...YES!...with my son, too! 

It's time my husband, Garth (not his real name) ponied up a little help from his end of the gene pool, too.

His explanation?

"You know how what happens sometimes when you first wake up in the morning?"

Oh, wait, this IS gonna be good!

"Well, when a person is impotent, it sometimes doesn't happen, anymore."

[eyes go wide]

"You mean...THEY CAN'T PEE ANYMORE?!?"

SNORT!

Yes, I mean, NO, I explained it a little better (I think!) after I stopped laughing, long enough to blow my nose, compose myself and, you know, speak, of course!

"Mommy, what's impotent mean?"

My 9 year-old daughter, not so much.

"Something we can talk about...later!"

WHAT?!?  It does NOT get any easier.  I mean, seriously, they don't start teaching sex education until the 5th grade and, well, she IS my youngest and probably knows way more than I do, already.

[sound of crickets chirping]

Wonder what's on Biography, tonight?

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