Feeding Your Inner-Grinch

You know what's annoying, besides the thought of people gifting Lexus-es and diamonds the size of my mortgage, I mean, or is that just me?

Oh, and those stupid "don't jiggle it, when you wiggle it" Old Navy commercials, I mean, seriously, isn't that the reason most people are wiggling it, in the first place?

Because, no amount of active wear is going to keep me from jiggling like a friggling vat of jello, most especially, from the knees up.

Condescending asshats.

Which brings me to my original point (I think) because, I really did start out having one.

[glances at wall calendar]

Oh yeah, now I remember.  What IS it with people this time of year?

I get it.  It's hard to feel all festive around the holidays, when life hands you a bag filled with crap and stuff. 

Still.  It's no excuse for folks to act like asshats, is it?

Like, walking across the parking lot at the mall yesterday (a death-defying act, here in Jersey, anyway) helping my SIL shop for new work clothes (she's doing fabulously well with her new wellness plan) and nearly getting run over (twice) by asshats who clearly saw us coming and hit the gas, anyway.

Maybe, because I was jiggling, when I should have been wiggling, no doubt, DAMNIT.

Aaaaand, that's another thing.  What is wrong with jiggling?  What if I like my jiggle?  I mean, raising 2 teens and 2 pre-teens (soon to be 3 teens, hold me!) some of us work REAL HARD to look this jiggly.   

Unlike, the poor woman I ran into at the grocery store (literally, vertically-challenged people should like carry a flag or something) as she was tearing into a box of protein bars.

"I didn't get a chance to eat, today."

It was nearly 4 o'clock in the afternoon and, well, been there, done that.

"Yeah, I hear ya', at least it's something healthy, right?"

Then, the poor woman insisted how she really "did eat more than a normal human being should," at Thanksgiving (didn't we all?) she also lost her job, right before Thanksgiving (UGH!) but, is thankful to have friends who will pay her to watch their children (sort of) and how, at this rate, she will NEVER get rid of the extra 10 pounds, yada, yada, yada.

Did I mention, she looked to be about 30 sizes smaller than me?

"Well, sounds like you have enough on your plate already."

[eyes go wide]

"I mean, maybe you should give yourself a break."

Honestly, why do we (mostly, women like you and me) put such pressure on ourselves, all the time?  Especially, about our weight?  Most especially, around the holidays?

"Sounds to me like you could use a real good hug, too."

She then apologized, telling me I had a nice face, for which I thanked her for, REAL HARD (lucky for me, she turned out to be a real good hugger, too) and then we went on our merry-ish way.

Morale of the Story:  Don't judge a person by their jiggle (or, lack thereof) just wiggle alongside, even better, hug them REAL HARD instead, or something like that.

You know, thinking on it some more, maybe people aren't such asshats, afterall...just hungry. 

[sound of crickets chirping]

Stupid holiday commercials, dumbass Old Navy.

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House

Comments

[Ben]

I know it's probably just me, but I'm sick to death of hearing "Every kiss begins with 'K'" when I'm doing all I can to keep food on the table.

And I've announced this a few times, if anybody out there is buying me a Lexus I am totally OK with THAT bit of consumerism.

[Liz@ThisFullHouse]

Phew!  Thought it was just me {{{hugs}}}  thanks, Ben :)

[kim]

Of course it wouldn't matter if you were, BUT you aren't even close to being jiggly.

Asshats be damned.

[Tracie]

After reading this, I am hungry!

The last week I have been fighting the urge to lock myself in the house with no tv (commercials) until January, so I can avoid people.

Maybe I need to find someone in the supermarket to hug.

[Liz@ThisFullHouse]

Hi Tracie,

I am typically available for hugs at the supermarket from Mon - Sun between the hours of  3:30 p.m. and midnight.  Virtual hugs, however, are 24/7 :)

[Erin@myveryeducatedmother]

How come everyone who gets a Lexus for Christmas is gorgeous with two kids, one boy and one girl?

[Liz@ThisFullHouse]

Hrmph...that I will NEVER know, Erin.

[Diana]

I hate those Old Navy commercials. No amount of lycra is going to stop this jiggle ... sometimes even when I'm not wigglin'. Heh.

[Melisa]

I love your face! :)

And I'm w/ Kim: you're not jiggly. Giggly maybe, but not jiggly.

I really would love a new car w/ a bow on it...sigh.

[Heather]

I hate all the jewelry commercials around this time of year- they suck, forreal. I am inspired by this little story though- Strangers can do so much without even knowing!