My husband, Garth (not his real name) had a local Chamber of Commerce thingy to attend last night and, considering it was held at one of our favorite pubs, I'm thinking perhaps it's high time I joined the Chamber of Commerce.
Clearly, those Chamber of Commerce folks know how to, you know, thingy.
Aaaaanyway, Garth (NHRN) and I have been feeling a little estranged, lately (okay, for the last 18 years) but not on purpose, or anything.
We have 4 kids. 3 of whom are teens. Enough said.
Aaaaanyhow, I thought it would be fun to send him a few flirtatious texts to, you know, shake his thingy up a bit.
So, I sent him this:
GARTH (NHRN): Hi
Hi? Really? That's it? Aaaand, I used my best flirty-grin and everything. Then, I thought maybe he's just in mixed company and/or overwhelmed by my breaking out the flirty-grin and everything.
So, I continue.
ME: You here by yourself?
GARTH (NHRN): No, So-and-So and What's-her-Face and Some-other-Dude are here. So-and-So said they are the few who showed. I'll be home around 8.
I just stared at the phone and you hear that noise? It's the sound of my confidence crashing to earth at the speed of, "Holy crap when I did get THIS old?"
ME: I was supposed to be hitting on you dopey. See previous text.
It took him a while to answer.
GARTH (NHRN): Where are you?
Aaaaand, I imagined him nervously looking around the pub wondering if I finally found the nerve to turn up wearing a trench coat and, you know, nothing else (IT COULD HAPPEN!)
ME: Home pretending, to be there, hitting on you. #FAIL
[one beat, two beats]
GARTH (NHRN): No one ever hits on me...I didn't know.
It's true. Poor guy has MARRIED WITH CHILDREN written all over him. Also, I like him that way.
Still, I continue.
ME: Sooooo, you come here often?
GARTH (NHRN): Love you...see you soon.
Aaaaand, THAT my friends is what married for nearly 22 years sounds like.
ME: Counting the minutes...
Or, flirtexting while under the influence of children.
Flash-forward to this morning, when my husband thrust his cell phone into my face and showed me this:
ME: Yeah, that's the woman you COULDA had, last night.
Okay, I really didn't say that, not out loud anyways.
GARTH (NHRN): I just didn't scroll down far enough passed the picture to see the text.
I mean, his cell phone IS a lot less new-ish, than mine.
GARTH (NHRN): So, I thought you might have changed your hair or something.
GARTH (NHRN): Aaaand I was going to get in trouble.
GARTH (NHRN): Because, you know, I didn't notice.
I then suggested he save the pic, you know, as a reference for next the time OR or at least until I get a trench coat...DAMMIT!
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