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Flirtexting: While Under the Influence of Children

My husband, Garth (not his real name) had a local Chamber of Commerce thingy to attend last night and, considering it was held at one of our favorite pubs, I'm thinking perhaps it's high time I joined the Chamber of Commerce.

Clearly, those Chamber of Commerce folks know how to, you know, thingy.

Aaaaanyway, Garth (NHRN) and I have been feeling a little estranged, lately (okay, for the last 18 years) but not on purpose, or anything.

We have 4 kids.  3 of whom are teens.  Enough said.

Aaaaanyhow, I thought it would be fun to send him a few flirtatious texts to, you know, shake his thingy up a bit.

So, I sent him this:


Me Being all Flirty
ME:  Hey hot stuff! Buy me a drink?


Hi?  Really?  That's it?  Aaaand, I used my best flirty-grin and everything.  Then, I thought maybe he's just in mixed company and/or overwhelmed by my breaking out the flirty-grin and everything. 

So, I continue.

ME:  You here by yourself?

GARTH (NHRN):  No, So-and-So and What's-her-Face and Some-other-Dude are here.  So-and-So said they are the few who showed.  I'll be home around 8.

I just stared at the phone and you hear that noise?  It's the sound of my confidence crashing to earth at the speed of, "Holy crap when I did get THIS old?"

ME:  I was supposed to be hitting on you dopey.  See previous text.

It took him a while to answer.

GARTH (NHRN):  Where are you?

Aaaaand, I imagined him nervously looking around the pub wondering if I finally found the nerve to turn up wearing a trench coat and, you know, nothing else (IT COULD HAPPEN!)

ME: Home pretending, to be there, hitting on you.  #FAIL

[one beat, two beats]

GARTH (NHRN):  No one ever hits on me...I didn't know.

It's true.  Poor guy has MARRIED WITH CHILDREN written all over him.  Also, I like him that way.

Still, I continue.

ME:  Sooooo, you come here often?

GARTH (NHRN):  Love you...see you soon.

Aaaaand, THAT my friends is what married for nearly 22 years sounds like.

ME:  Counting the minutes...

Or, flirtexting while under the influence of children.

Flash-forward to this morning, when my husband thrust his cell phone into my face and showed me this:

Me Being all Flirty

 ME:  Yeah, that's the woman you COULDA had, last night.

Okay, I really didn't say that, not out loud anyways.

GARTH (NHRN):   I just didn't scroll down far enough passed the picture to see the text.

I mean, his cell phone IS a lot less new-ish, than mine.

GARTH (NHRN):  So, I thought you might have changed your hair or something.


GARTH (NHRN):  Aaaand I was going to get in trouble.


GARTH (NHRN):  Because, you know, I didn't notice.

I then suggested he save the pic, you know, as a reference for next the time OR or at least until I get a trench coat...DAMMIT!

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