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At Our House, It's Called a Blood Drive-By

Teenager PostAs a mother of 3 teens, 1 kid in double-digits and Supreme Goddess of All Things Domestic (in my house, anyways) I feel it safe say that there is NOTHING worse than battling a foreign object, invading your child's body, that you canNOT see.

3yo Heather:  Hey...wook...isn't that where you gave bwud, How-wee?

Unless, you have to take said child to have their blood drawn and, well, game over dude!

5yo Holly/How-wee:  I didn't give it...Heatherrrrr...THEY TOOK IT!

Even years later, my two oldest daughters would play out this same conversation, every time we'd drive by the building, where they each got their "bwud tooken" and, well, How-wee...I mean...Holly will tell you...YES!..it was THAT traumatic.

[pulls up sleeve]

Me:  Dude...they won't take your blood here.

I took my son to the doctor, yesterday.  Long story, short (you're welcome) he's got a nasty case of some sort of creeping crud she couldn't quite identify and, well, now it was his turn to have his "bwud tooken".

Me: We have to go...you know...[whispers]...to that OTHER place.

[eyes go wide]

This is the kid that doesn't get sick.  He's only heard stories, from his oldest sisters, whenever we would drive by the place where they had their blood...you know...tooken.


Me:  Glen  [whispering] he's never had his blood...tooken...I mean...taken.

The receptionist just nodded her head and, thankfully, the place was empty. Except for this one kid, going ALL ape sh*t, and his sh*thead father:


His sh*thead father:  SHUDDUP!!!!  SHUDDUP!!!  SHUDDUP!!!

So, my son and I just sat down and...you know...covered our ears.

Medical Asst.:  Glen?

It was funny to watch the receptionist's face, as he stood up and she handed my son a cup.  I swear, you could actually hear her neck muscles pop.

Medical Asst.:  You can leave it on the bathroom sink and then go right into Room #1.

[eyes go wide]

Medical Asst.:  Oh relax, your friends probably hit you harder than this is gonna hurt!"

Thank goodness for kind-hearted medical assistants, right?

Glen:  Buuuuuut, no one said ANYTHING about peeing in a cup!


Me:  Well, I didn't think it would be SUCH a big deal.

[voice cracking]

Glen:  Buuuuuut, it's a really small cup!

Judging by the way the she was laughing...I guessed correctly...the medical assistant was a mother AND happened to have a teen boy at home...too.

Stupid blood tests, dumbass creeping crud.

© 2003 - 2012 This Full House

FRESHLY-BREWED ELSEWHERE:  I'm over at PlaydatePlace.com this week, confessing not teaching my kids how to ride a bike. Also, sharing a recipe for Angel Food Cake that does NOT suck!

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