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On Pandemonium, Pneumonia and Piss-Poor Plumbing

If you were to ask me what pandemonium meant, B.C. (before children) I would have suggested that it sort of sounds like a digestive aid for pandas. 

Panda.  Ammonium.  Get it?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Beeeeeeeecawse, you see, although I had a weird sense of humor (okay, have) I still would NOT have fully understood what pandemonium meant (literally) and probably even spelled it incorrectly as pandamonium, anyway. 

Then I had kids, someone invented spell check (PHEW!) and, well, I can safely say that...YES!...we NOW live in a constant state of:

  1. any scene of wild confusion or disorder.
  2. the abode of all demons (also see: Hell)

Aaaaand, I am NOT even exaggerating.  Not one bit.

For example, last February:  our new-ish dishwasher broke.  I called for service and then had to cancel the day they were scheduled to come and fix the darned thing, because I ended up in the hospital with a kidney stone.

[A whole lot of other stuff happened, since then, but I'm going to just go ahead and fast-forward right by March, April and May, in and effort to save you some time, or perhaps take a quick pause for a bathroom break, or something, you're welcome.]

Fast-forward to this week:   our new-is washer broke (oh, and yeah, dishwasher is STILL broken, see note regarding March, April and May) soooo, I made an appointment to have both of them looked at, because I am REAL good at multi-tasking like that.

An hour before the service call:  this guy comes knocking and tells me, "Water main down the street is broken, we'll have to turn your water off for 5 hours!" and I burst into tears.  Luckily, he was a very understanding fellow (had a wife at home AND knew something about piss-poor plumbing) and even offered me a tissue or twenty.

Half an hour before the service call:  called to cancel service (AGAIN!) and repair people were all "We have NEVER had to cancel service due to a water main break," and I was all, "Of course you haven't," and "This sort of sh*t only happens to us!"

The next day (Wednesday, of this week, to help you keep up):  service guy calls me, while parked in my driveway (sort of like my husband does, so I was okay with it) to ask if our water is on.

During the service call:  Doctor's office calls to tell me that the results of my youngest daughter's radiology report from two weeks ago confirms -- Hope has pneumonia.   Aaaaand, the service guy is all like, "Don't cry!"  He didn't have any tissues and I was all, like "It's okay, I still had some from the other guy."

Flash-back, two weeks ago:  I was scheduled to work the last day of school in Hope's 5th grade class, except she got sick. Good thing my husband was home from work (took day off for oldest daughter's h.s. graduation, later that afternoon) soooo, he took Hope down to the emergency walk in place.  They took an x-ray, said she sounded fine and probably had an upper-respiratory infection and sent them home with antibiotics.

[Note to Self:  emergency walk in place does NOT read x-rays taken at emergency walk in place, okay, good to know.]

Yesterday:  I called our pediatrician, apologized for cheating on her and took Hope in for an emergency follow-up appointment.

Today:  I am happy to report that Hope is fine (she's well onto the road to a full recovery, thank goodness!) and that the parts for both the dishwasher AND washing machine should be here by this weekend.

A few minutes ago:  the phone rings, I get a text message AND an emergency email ALL at the same time saying,"Water company has experienced a significant pipe failure..."

I don't know what the rest of it said.  I sort of stopped listening after pipe failure. 

Morale of the Story:  I wasn't lying when I said this sh*t happens to us ALL the time!

Ummmmm....can I use your bathroom?!?

EDITED TO ADD (6/30):  Believe it or not, right after I blogged this, Monmouth County (that's us!) issued a state of emergency.  A temporary bridge (courtesy of Hurricane Irene) collapsed, damaging some pipes and contaminating our water supply = boil our water until next week, maybe.  Seriously, karma is PISSED!

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