Hey You Guys, Get Off My Kids' Lawn!

I remember walking home from school with my brother (uphill, both ways, bare feet, in the snow, etc...) and both of us running past the abattoir (exotic-like name for slaughter house) as if being chased by zombies.

Living around the corner from a slaught..I mean...abattoir was scary enough (and downright disgusting, in the middle of August, enough said) however, I can't begin to describe the old lady who lived next door without feeling as if I need to get up and run away, real fast, right now, because LOOKOUT!!! SHE'S COMING!!!

Thinking back on on her blood-stained apron and pack of hell hounds (some sort of beagle mix, from hell) I'm guessing she worked next door at the abattoir, at least I hope she did, because the alternative explanation of someone walking around wearing a bloody apron...well...LOOKOUT!!!  SHE'S COMING!!!

We were upsetting her dogs, you see (more likely, walking to close to where the dead bodies were hidden) either way, I hated walking home from school and often times remind my kids about how lucky they are to have their own personal car service (that would be me!) not to mention, NOT having to live around the corner from an abattoir.

Well, good morning sunshine(s)!

@thisfullhouse UM, in Illinois we at least get a knock on the door first, to let us know...OMG #FUBAR

— Melisa Wells (@melisalw) August 21, 2012

According to Melisa, I should have been all...WHAT THE?!?...and, considering we've had plumbing problems since the beginning of summer and they've been ripping up our street consistently for the last two weeks, I was sort of...MEH, WHATEVER!...about it.

Until the kids started waking up:

• What are those guys doing on our lawn?
• OMG, can't they fix it right the first time?
• Hey, they're ripping up the flower bed!
• We worked TOO HARD for them to mess it up!

It took me a few minutes to calm them all down -- seriously, ALL four of them were ready to go outside (in their pajamas and everything) to holler at the poor guys who, really, were just doing there jobs and, honestly, probably don't give a fig about peonies.

"Don't worry, I'm going to write a letter to the water company and the town."

My 13 year-old son continued to stare out the dining room window for about...oh, I don't know...however long it took me to drain the rest of my coffee mug.

"Nope, I'mma get my baseball bat!"

SNORT!  Talk about role-reversal, seriously, and I couldn't help but imagine my kids wearing bloody aprons.

Doofus-Dawg, however, would make a terrible hell hound -- although, he WOULD lick them to death.

They did eventually put my peonies back, however, the shock of being ripped out of the ground by a bulldozer, I swear I can STILL hear them screaming.  The peonies.  Not the workmen, who were unusually quiet, btw.

Their heavy machinery, not so much.

They DID, however, move their heavy machinery to make way for my kids' car service (me, remember?) and yes there ARE perfectly nice people here in Jersey...dammit!

They're baaaa-aaaack!

HEY YOU GUYS, YOU BETTER GET OFF OF MY KIDS' LAWN!!! BEFORE THEY WAKE UP!!!

Aaaaaand, I'm hiding the baseball bats, just in case (you're welcome).

Stupid plumbing.  Dumbass heavy machinery.

© 2003 - 2012 This Full House

Comments

[Melisa]

First of all, "beagle mix, from hell" is redundant. And I can say that, being a two-time beagle owner. Heh.

Second, trying to imagine the sound of peonies screaming is cracking me up. Are you sure that wasn't you?

I bet your kids could kick some serious booty. Especially Hopey. THAT I'd like to see. :)

[Holly Thompson]

Love this one Momma! I almost spit fruit loops when I read Glen's part! (A blog comment and not facebook ta-dah!)

[Liz@ThisFullHouse]

Seriously, SCREAMING!  Their little faces were all scrunched up and everything.  The peonies, not my kids.  Although, on second thought, my kids too.

[Melisa]

Take video next time! :)

(God, what is with me and the smileys today??? I'm annoying myself.)

[Michelle]

Ummm yeah. You deserved a knock or a call or something. Eesh. Poor kids being woken up unexpectedly. Isn't that a form of torture for teenagers? I would have been right there with them heading out in my pjs. Poor peonies.

[Tara R.]

I guess it's better to be digging up peonies, rather than bodies. Still, kinda rude to be messing up your flower garden without so much as a 'pardon me.'

[Joan (SurprisedMom)]

Peonies vs plumbing? It's a hard call there. I wish you had taken video. I would love to see your kids in action. Waking up one teenager early. Bad. Waking up four and messing up their garden? Disastrous and kind of funny when their mom writes about it!

[Patty]

That's just awesome! Your kids crack me up. They are ready to kick some construction worker booty! LOL! Don't mess with their lawn! LOVE it!

[Jenn @ Mommy Needs Coffee]

I love your kids. I really do. They aren't going to take nuthin' off no body especially when it comes to their flowers. You've got awesome kids, my friend.

[tracey]

Wait, wait, WAIT a minute: You didn't kick some ass over that??? YOUR FLOWERS. I mean... YOUR. FLOW. ERRRRS. Are you insane??? I thought you Jersey chicks were tougher than that??

Wow. Am totally disillusioned, Liz....

[Liz@ThisFullHouse]

It was either the plumbing or the flowers, Tracey.  This Jersey girl has learned to choose her battles.  I chose being able to flush the toilet.  Also, considering I break things (a lot!) I've learned NOT to piss service people off ;)

[Headless Mom]

Peonies. I don't think they'd grow here.

/random comment

;-)