I have suffered from insomnia for most of my life (yes, that is a very long time, I know, shuddup!) however, rather than fight it, I see it as a gift and make all of those extra sleepless hours as productive as possible.
Bwahahahahahahaha...I crack myself up...you seriously did NOT think I was serious, seriously, right?!?
The ONLY thing productive at dark o'clock is the gerbil, running its eleventy-hundreth little iron gerbil marathon, inside my head.
It's not like I'm not tired, either. In fact, my body clock quits work sometime around 4 in the afternoon and my eyes punch out no later than that really, really great television series EVERYBODY has been talking about and I've been dying to watch...DAMMIT.
For example: last night, there was something on television I wanted to watch (of course I can't remember, for the life of me, what it was, but that's not really all that important at his juncture of my insomnia story) so, I went upstairs to get my glasses.
I had to lie across the bed to reach them. Aaaaaand, well, I never got up. Or, came back downstairs. Until I had to go pee at dark o'clock.
Did I mention, our bathroom is downstairs and way across the OTHER end of the house?!?
By the time I got back upstairs, the gerbil inside my head had already finished with its warm-up exercises and I began to rearrange the ENTIRE floor plan (of the house, not my head) in my head.
So, I did what any red-blooded insomniac would do: I hit Facebook...HARD!...and a really funny (not ha-ha-funny, but more like, hmmmmm...interesting) thing occurred to me.
That reminds me. Does anyone remember the magic mirror?!? Gosh, but I used to LOVE that show. Even though the magic mirror NEVER saw me...DAMMIT!
[sound of crickets, chirping]
"If asleep by 9, awake at 3:39." Did Ben Franklin write that...
So, I commented with something like, good morning, because I am ALL witty AND original like that, especially at dark o'clock.
"Hi Liz! I wish I could vacuum..."
And then I snorted...REALLY LOUD...and, well, I better go before Garth (not his real name) wakes up and I have to pretend like it was the house farting, or something...SNORT!!!
© 2003 - 2013 This Full House
© This Full House 2003-2016