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Got Teens? You're Gonna Need a BIGGER Puke Bucket!

Yes, we have a puke bucket.  Actually, it's a very large mixing bowl (HUGE!) and, well, I'm going to stop RIGHT THERE, as the imagery may be way too much for some folks to consider...right now...if ever.

Unless you have teens:  where it isn't a family meal, until someone belts out a fart joke (or twenty) and then my youngest (who is turning twelve, this month, EEEEP!!!) begins a rather graphic discussion on the EXACT origin, destination and natural biography of every bodily function known to man/womankind.

Oh, hey!  Hiya!  Want to come to dinner?!?  BYOPB!!!

Soooooo, aaaaaanyway, I feel it safe to say that there isn't very much left we parent-type folks can't handle...on a physical level, I mean.

On the other hand, emotionally and mentally, I am an absolute train wreck.

I'm talking full-frontal face-wipe, over here:  which starts out as a face-palm, and then you just sort of try to drag your your chin.

G'head, I'll wait.

Aaaaaand, there isn't a font BIG ENOUGH to accurately convey the "WTF?!?" feeling of helplessness...whenever you decide to stand back and NOT do anything...other than allow your kids to know...grow up. 

This weekend was one of those days.

Long story, short:  contrary to what some parenting experts will tell you (I am SO NOT one of them, btw) there is a very, very, very and I mean very fine line (infinitesimal, even) of being able to tell the difference between typical growing pains AND something much more sinister.

Growing pains stink like wet poodle: sinister sucks wet, hairy donkey balls.

[passes puke bucket]

Even longer story, shorter (seriously, this vague-blogging is hard...YO!):  it was a looooooooooong weekend of "WTF(s)?!?" up in here, my friends.

So, last night:  I sat down at my desk in an effort to get a jumpstart on the week, when my oldest daughter walked in from work and all hell broke loose AGAIN!

"Alright, what happened?!?"

Except, this time they were ALL snort-laughing with each other and...YES!!!...along with their penchant for cracking off a joke at the most inopportune moments AND making the mistake of not taking into consideration that maybe NOT everyone they meet is a hugger...they get that from me, too.

"Holly got asked out at work!"

Okay, but how is that funny?!?

"She said NO!"

Okay, still NOT seeing the funny.

"Aaaaaand, when the guy turned to leave the shop, she hollered after him:  but, THANK YOU!!!!"

The really funny part:  her voice goes up a couple of octaves and she then starts to smile this big toothy sort of grin when she's nervous (or angry) which is EVEN funnier...because it totally sounds like you're getting a smackdown from Snow White.

"I was caught off guard, QUIT LAUGHING!!!"

The part where I really lost it:  my son tried to mimick her; his voice is changing.

[throws arms up in the air, closes eyes and SCREAMS]

It's a roller coaster ride up in here, my friends...BYOPB!!!

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