My husband's niece is getting married in two weeks and the kids are ALL invited to, what they've begun to very dramatically refer to as, "the wedding".
They also get to witness their father (you know, my husband) officiate over "the wedding".
Garth (not his real name) recently became an ordained minister (because his niece and her future husband asked him to) and for $25, or something like that, so can you!!!
[ducks to avoid lightning bolt]
Aaaaanyway, the kids CANNOT wait to be able to say, "That's our dad, Reverend Garth (not his real name) up there!" even if it is for just one day.
In other words, "the wedding": is a very BIG deal.
I thought it would be nice to have each of us write a letter to Amy and Jim, expressing our gratitude for allowing ALL of us to celebrate their wedding...I mean, "the wedding"...together.
So, I searched the interwebs for some ideas and...holy hints from Heloise...I couldn't help but feel like an old fart (or a seasoned flatulent, for those with verbal sensitivities) especially, when reading newlywed advice like, "How to Show Your Husband You Love Him".
After 20+ years of marriage (which is almost as long as when we were single, YO!) I'm all like, we still married?!? GOOD!!!
Still, I wish some seasoned flatulent would come up with practical marriage advice.
[one beat, two beats]
So, you want to see MY list? Based on actual advice, for newlyweds, I found published on the interwebs:
Display your marriage certificate: actually, this IS pretty practical advice; after twenty years or so, it will be a great way to remember each other's names.
Leave messages "in lipstick" on the mirror and toilet: or just don't bother wiping off all the toothpaste spittle, because the fact that you ARE even bothering to brush your teeth is quite thoughtful and there will come a day when you'll BOTH be thankful...you know...to have any teeth, at all, even.
Wake him up with kisses: after you've brushed your teeth (see previous paragraph) of course!
Have a pillow fight and see how long you can last without laughing: or just wait a couple of years and you'll be all...ROFLMAO!!!...at the mere suggestion of instigating any sort of fight, on purpose.
Come up with a few code words to use in public that only you and he will understand: or just wait a few years (or twenty) and it will happen on its own, plus no one will know what the frig either of you is talking about, anyway.
Put a sign in your yard "Best Husband in the World Lives Here": IF you want to alienate your neighbors, have local teens toilet paper your house and set your future children up for endless ridicule...g'head...I triple-dog dare ya!
Make love under the stars: ROFLMAO (see previous paragraph).
Verbally show your appreciation in front of family and friends: or just tongue-kiss him at the next dinner party and they will definitely appreciate your NOT showing up for Thanksgiving (you're welcome!)
Wash his car for him: or just pull it out of the garage for him, the next time it's raining.
Eat an ice cream cone together: and by this I'm assuming that he's got his own ice cream cone, because...HELLO!!!...ICE CREAM!!!...also, brain freeze kills.
Don't be a pessimist: slowly introduce him to your being a "fascist", instead.
Keep yourself attractive: while you can, because eventually it won't matter -- especially, if you have children and both your eyes are mostly crusted over from sleep deprivation, anyway. Trust me, he'll understand, you prettiful little fascist you :)
Run your fingers through his hair: while you can.
Let him win: and by this I'm assuming an argument, because ain't nobody got no time for no games, especially when there's a television in the room and only one remote.
Checking before throwing things away: you never know when you'll come across a couple of extra bucks, because...HELLO!!!...DUNKIN' DONUTS!!!...finders keepers, et al.
Start a love journal: or a blog, especially after you've had kids.
This blog post being one of the many reasons why Amy and Jim did NOT ask me to marry them -- smart kids!!!
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