Blogging is hard! Blogging while under the influence of children is even harder! Blogging with teenagers living in your house? Okay, picture this: it's sort of like attempting to recite the Pledge of Allegiance...backwards...while riding a bicycle...naked...uphill...in the snow...with two flat tires and a missing seat.
It's daaaaaanged near impossible to blog, especially these days. Not without exposing myself to some serious hurt, I mean.
[rubs backside, reaches for Ibuprofen]
And yet, here we are -- just you, and me, and this here broken bicycle. RELAX, I am wearing clothes. As far as you know, anyways.
Aaaaanyway, so don't get me wrong. Yeah, I've been blogging for 11 years. And no, I do NOT consider myself an expert -- of anything other than the insanely awesome super power of leaping over tall piles of laundry and having be given the ability to listen to multiple conversations, happening at the same time, I mean -- although, the folks who've been coming to my blog recently, seem to think I'm some sort of knowledgeable.
Aaaanyway, here are some of the answers to the keywords that brought some of you here, because I'm helpful like that:
Absent letter for school for waking up late: Please excuse [enter child's name, here] for being absent from school on [enter date of absence]. You see, my office won the lottery drawing last night, however, [enter child's name, here] accidentally used the tickets to line a diorama for his/her math project, to help illustrate how the odds are NEVER in our favor, and we were up ALL night trying to break into the school to retrieve said diorama, because no one EVER wants to make their co-workers hangry, especially first thing in the morning.
So, thank you for your kind attention and would you please let his/her math teacher know that [enter child's name, here]'s project is now going to be a little late, too.
Oh, and that we left a check in his/her desk to cover the damages to the classroom window, as a result of our hasty escape. Yours very truly, etc...
Or something like that, I'm easy.
Boardwalk with stores and carnival games:
[cracks knuckles, blows bangs out of eyes]
Well, let's see, there's Keansburg -- which is about a 15-30 minute drive, from our house, depending on traffic.
Point Pleasant is 30-90 minute drive, etc...
Seaside Heights is about 45-180 minutes, off-season. Summertime? Fuhghetaboutit!
Wildwood -- you best plan for an entire week, getting there and back, just to be safe.
They were all hit HARD by the bitchstorm, Hurricane Sandy -- 2 years later and we're still re-building -- but now they are ALL back in business, because it's how we roll, here in Jersey...YO!!!...so c'mon ova, the beaches are free from now until Memorial Day, we can split the toll money!
Down the shore diaper story: Believe it or not, I've got one for ya' -- it was my very first blog post, from September 2, 2003 -- ohhhhh, and a very Happy Belated Blogiversary to meeeeeee!!!!
Eating right kids: Yeah, I seem to eat all the wrong kids too, whassup wit-dat?
Gross Halloween games for kids: Refer to above.
Middle school halloween party games: Wow, you're going to need A LOT of antacids, my friend.
Teen feets: This one is REAL simple, THEY STINKS!
Why everyone is in such rush: Because, raising teens and riding bicycles uphill...in the snow, naked...is hard...YO!
That last nugget of parental brilliance should bring all sorts of search engines to the table, right?!? RIGHT?!?
[sound of crickets, chirping]
I'm throwing in Facebook stickers, FTW! Because I'm tech-savvy, like dat!
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