This Full House

Be sure to leave the twenty, on the nightstand, on your way out!

What?  Is it Tuesday, already?  Is it me...or, does anybody else NOT have the time...for anything, anymore?  I swear, the older the kids get...well, you know...I wonder.  Does anyone else know if snoring on my husband's lap is considered foreplay?

I Am Beautiful Blog Tour: Our 10 Questions for Woody Winfree

 

Woody Winfree is a founder of Sole Sisters, Inc., and the critically acclaimed The I Am Beautiful Project, dedicated to creating a world in which every woman and girl can proudly proclaim, "I Am Beautiful!"

So, when the nice people at Sourcebooks asked if I would like to participate in the I am Beautiful Blog Tour, I jumped...literally, leaped from my chair and banged my chin...HARD...for the opportunity to interview Ms. Winfree.

It's not clothes that make the man, it's totally about the tie Charlie Brown!

My husband Garth (not his real name) works at a bank.  I can't say which one.  Actually, I could.  If I wanted to.  But, I won't.

Because, I'm not very happy with them at the moment and may say something that I will regret, later.

But, I don't work for them; he does.

Right now, he...no, wait...we need him to have this job, more than the satisfaction it would give me to tell them just what exactly I thought of their new and improved way of making sure that Garth (not his real name) spends more time on the road, away from us, selling stuff for them.

Still.

He comes home to me and there's very little else I can do.  But, be here.  Waiting.  Listening.  Hoping.  Looking for ways in which I...no, wait...we can make it a little, you know, better.

Unfortunately, they don't leave me much to work with.

"How was your day?"

He'll loosen his tie, shrug his shoulders, ask about mine, instead and I can't help but hesitate, before answering, wondering if I should really tell him, while I try NOT to notice just how gray his hair has gone.

"I see you're wearing one of my favorite ties."

For the last...um...lots of years, every birthday and gift-giving holiday, the kids and I give Garth (not his real name) a new "fun" necktie.

"I felt a little Charlie Brownish, today"

Sympathetic to the fact that Garth (not his real name) HAS to get dressed and all the negative connotations that go along with having to spend the better part of everyday in "a suit."

"Wait until you see what the kids and I are cooking up for Christmas!"

Garth (not his real name) have already agreed that gifts are just for kids - stupid unattainable and totally unreasonable budget quotas, and all - I was trying to come up with something that would help remind him of what...no, wait...who he's really, you know, working for.

"Swell."

Okay, I guess he's thinking of the one we got him last year, with The Grinch, that lights up and plays, "Have A Holly, Jolly Christmas."

"Just wait, you'll love it."

Do you want to know what it is?

Since, he's not allowed to hang pictures on his wall, or keep pictures of us family on his desk, either - nor, does he have the time to read my blog - I thought it would be safe to show you this cool tie I ordered and designed over at Zazzle.com with the words "Got Revenue?"

I think it's fun AND totally business appropriate, especially for today's quintessential family guy - who just needs to be reminded, every now and again - GET A LIFE, CHARLIE BROWN!

What, ya' think it's a bit too LOUD?

To All The Men I've Been, Before...

We have a very busy weekend planned - of course, because it's Mother's Day - which starts early tomorrow morning, where at precisely 8:45 a.m., I will be planting flowers at one of our neighborhood playgrounds with Mini-Me's girl scout troop.

Why?

Well, because my little Daisy is earning a badge, or something, I think, or maybe not...all I know is that the notice specifically stated - PARENTS HELP!

Guess which one?

So, I'll just pretend it's just another school day - ignore the fact that it is really a Saturday, with no baseball, soccer, volleyball, or anything - and, you know, drag my kids out of the house, kicking and screaming.

Why me?

Well, Daddy won't be home - because somebody's gotta work, right? - and I've grown accustomed to running a pretty tight ship, have never been one to admit that I needed help and probably wouldn't know what to do with myself, if I really did choose to take advantage of free time, if I had any.

What?

Having spent most of the week outside cutting grass - in between those times I was, you know, pretending to work - it's hard to ignore the fact that the poop decks need a swabbing and the crow's nest is starting to smell, well, sort of like wet Doofus-dog.

Given the choice, I'd rather be planting.

So, I won't get to sleep in tomorrow morning - big whoop! - or, probably not on Sunday, either, because both my husband and I have mommies to visit and, either way, I can't think of a better way to celebrate Mother's Day than perhaps petitioning the holiday-gods that A DAY OFF ON A SATURDAY, for my man and me, would be nice.

Because there's no school on Sunday and - just like the Bangles said - it's our I don't have to run day!

And the closest I want to get to having to attend a sporting event is watching it from the comfort of my own couch, in my pajamas, with a cold beverage and plenty of snacks, because, as far as I'm concerned, there is no such thing as too much down-time and absolutely NO dieting on weekends.

I've often said to, well, anyone who is silly enough to hang around long enough to listen is that I would make one mother of a husband!

[hocks a goober and hogs remote]

"Can I get you anything?"

[scratches]

"Naw, I'm good and heading out to hammer up a couple of loose boards on the house."

[lip quivers]

"What'd I say?"

[starts to turn and walks out]

"I like to feel needed, too, you know."

Oh, I know and - though, he really doesn't sound (or, isn't) that needy - my husband knows that I couldn't do half the stuff that I do...um...do, if it weren't for his calm, cool, collected and accepting nature.

Total opposites really do attract.

So, this Mother's Day I would like to acknowledge my husband. Because the man can (and has) stepped into Mommy's shoes at a moment's notice and is still able to keep his manhood intact.

So, Happy Mother's Day, Hon 'cause your one Mother of a hubby...and don't worry about your wallet...that you forgot on your dresser - because, I know that you were very distracted with making the kids' lunches this morning and running late - I'm headed out now to bring them to you and will even buy you lunch.

After I shave my legs, of course!