Flash-back to every Friday afternoon, 1982-1993: my co-workers and I would lock our desks, forward our phones over to the answering service, just about race each other to our cars and then peel out of the parking, because FRIDAY!
Flash-forward, today: I still pretty much get that same AWESOME feeling, peeling out of my bra and racing my husband to the couch, because freeeeeeeeee-duuuuuuuuum...THE BRA IS OFF!!!
Weekends, on the other hand, can get a little dicey around here, especially living in the house that #FUBAR built. Let's review, shall we?!?
- the dishwasher started making a funny noise
- so my son calls me over to "come here" and "listen"
- I bend down to "listen"
- and then it threw up on my head
- before pooping all over the kitchen floor
- the dishwasher, not my son
- but you probably already knew that
- then again, in this house, you NEVER know
- a blood vessel in Doofus-Dawg's ear broke
- which caused the flap to fill up with blood
- making it look sort of like an empanada (de nada!)
- which will require weekly draining
- and take about a month to heal
- which means 3 more trips back to the vet
- good thing we don't have any summer vacation plans
- the vet, on the other hand, is all like VEGAS BABY
- the washing machine broke
- actually, it WAS broken for a while
- we just got used to running it on the spin cycle, at least twice
- this time, it would not drain any water
- which called for immediate action
- because we are now WEEKS behind on our laundry
- so my husband hit up You Tube
- because we spent our allowance at the vet
- but he got the washing machine apart alright
- turns out the pump was REAL backed up
- I know how it feels
- and then ANOTHER quick trip to Home Depot
- because they make it REAL hard for you to put stuff back together
- without the "right tools" carried by a licensed repairman
- the dude at Home Depot knew EXACTLY what we needed
- apparently, we weren't the only ones with a constipated washing machine
- and empty wallets
- all it needed was an enema
- the washing machine, not our wallets
- because everytime an appliance poops
- or our Doofus-Dawg shakes his head
- we bleeeeeeeed money, dammit
- you're welcome
"What we spent at the vet, I just saved us on a repairman!"
Aaaaaand, I would have totally kissed my husband, Garth (not his real name) wet on the mouth, if it weren't for the fact that:
a) he's been sick for a week
b) most likely has Lyme's disease
c) I had a 100+ fever, at the time
d) all of the above
If you answered d)...CONGRATULATIONS!!!...yet ANOTHER reason why you should be very glad you do NOT have to live with us, you're welcome!
"Dammit, NOW what's wrong with the dishwasher?!?"
[one beat, two beats]
Okay, so I didn't tell my husband about the dishwasher, because:
- he would have figured it out, sooner or later
- because the poor guy actually HAS to live here
- and I really needed him to focus on the washing machine
But...shhhhhhhh!!!...don't tell him, okay?!?
Stupid weekends, dumbass constipated household appliances.
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I'm NaBloPoMo-ing it this month, feel free to check out what I've NaBloPoMo-ed, so far. Oh and just so you know, I'm unplugging on weekends and going blog free, because family time is also very...SQUIRREL!!!