This Full House

Hump Day Diddy Dumbs: Soccer has been very, very weary to me!

How hot WAS it?

The temperature gauge in our van hit 101 degrees, yesterday afternoon - that's Africa HOT! - when I picked up the kids from school, yesterday.  In Jersey?  Well, it's just way too hot for June.  So, our schools closed, early.

Aaaand it was only two weeks ago when I blogged about the importance of practicing our Kegels and having nearly froze my butt cheeks to the bleachers during The Boy's travel soccer try-outs.

[phone rings]

My husband, Garth (not his real name) and I were hiding upstairs in our bedroom - relax, it's air-conditioned and the kids found us anyway - when we got the call that my son didn't make it.

[bites lower lip to keep from crying]

"What...oh, MAN that just totally sucks...are you kidding me!?!?"

No, I wasn't happy (at all) and it kills me to think that we haven't even told him, yet.

Hump Day Diddy Dumbs: Project Mom

I love this picture - my husband, Garth (not his real name) took it on Memorial Day - I mean, take a real close look at those smiles.  Yep - they look real enough - fresh from the runway, all warm and fuzzy like a slice of apple pie.

Don't we look like the typical all-American family, all happy, sweet and ready for their photo shoot with New Jersey Life Magazine?

Not that we have one scheduled, or anything, but - if we did - our cover story would read:

"This Full House and its Keeper - She ain't no Heidi Klum, but she's pretty good under the gun!"

Especially, when it comes to period clothing - and I don't mean the historically designed-type, either - and, if you're a man, you might want to click on over to something a little more...you know...manly!

Wordless Wednesday: The Hump Day before Christmas!

To:  Garth (not his real name)

From:  F.B. (wouldn't you like to know)

I love you, BUT, dang there's STILL sooooooo much to do and would you even want me this way - see above - HAH, who am I kidding?

Okay, BUT, if you'd only just wait - only 6 more sleeps until Christmas - there would be more time and I promise to fit you in!

[snicker]

Perhaps even twice (no pun intended, MUCH) when ALL the children are off in college, of course.

Happy Hump Day, just the same!

[Blogtip to:  5 Minutes for Mom and the official Wordless Wednesday HQ]

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[Edited to add:  Comments WILL REMAIN OPEN until Friday for Bloggers Unite - if you haven't already, won't you consider visiting my post and Delurking for a cause, or for even a DORK, like me!?!?]

Hump Day Diddy Dumbs: You say goulash - but, I say it's gulyas - let's just call it soup!

I have this friend - YES, she knows I'm a Dork and still, you know, let's me hang with her -  who takes it upon herself to remind my children, to remind me, not to forget...you know...things like, an upcoming class party, or when they should NOT come to school...like, tomorrow...and Friday...Monday, too...I think...because, there isn't any...school, I mean...and they'd be the only ones there and other stuff.

"Don't forget about Saturday!"

I'm sure she didn't notice the extremely blank look on my face, since she wasn't talking to me, as she continued keeping my 8-year-old son up-to-date about his busy weekend.

"Okay, I think mommy has it on the calendar...thanks, M.J.!"

Oh, it doesn't bother me in the least - although, a couple of years ago her concern about my organizational skills, or lack thereof, would have probably kept me up at night and had me avoiding her for days after - she knows, that I know, after all these years of raising kids and killer dust bunnies, there's just not much space left upstairs.

Brain cells are at a premium, people!

So, where am I going with this...um...well, I can't remember...give me a moment...oh, yeah...let's talk goulash!

Still here?

Well, then perhaps you'd be interested to learn that my parents are Hungarian and that my twin brother and I are actually the first generation to be born here in America!  We grew up eating, drinking, and breathing in the delicious aromas of my mother's and grandmother's cooking and believe that - especially, now that it's FINALLY started getting a bit nippley here in Jersey - there's nothing better than a big old steaming bowl of Gulyás soup on a cold day.

I bet you thought it was a beefy sort of stew served over noodles, yes?

Well, Amber's husband Len did and so did Donna's husband - I've since set them straight, the poor misinformed things - that red gravy-laden stew served over noodles (or, dumplings) is actually called Pörkölt and can be prepared using beef, veal, lamb and chicken.

So, I promised them the recipe...um...a while ago...and would love to share it here, with you all.

But, not before announcing the winner of the Bloggy Giveaway from...uh...has it been a week, already!?!

We put all the names of the wonderful people who stopped by and left a comment in a hat - you know I love you, right - and had Mini-Me draw the lucky winner.

Yay, it's Gretchen from MommyCast - Gretchen was the one who helped me make my trip to California picture perfect - so, what has she won?

My parents returned from a 5 week trip to Hungary, in October, and - in memory of the men, women and children who lost their lives during the Hungarian Revolution of 1956 - I am proudly giving away a beautiful handmade linen table runner, they brought back from my mother's village of Mosonmagyarovar, Hungary.

Congratulations, Gretchen - I didn't forget, see Sharon - and please accept our gift as a small token of my appreciation and friendship.

And now, our recipe for Gulyás:

Gulyas Leves (Hungarian Goulash)

1 large onion (diced)
3 carrots (chopped)
2 parsley root (diced)
3-4 potatoes (cubed)
2 green peppers (diced)
1-2 tomatoes (diced)
1-2 lbs. stew beef (cubed)
6 cups hot water
2 tsp. paprika
2 cloves garlic
1 tsp. salt (add more to taste)
black pepper (to taste)
1-3 bay leaves
3 TBS. canola oil
1 tsp. caraway seeds steeped in water.
dumplings

1.  Heat oil in large stock pot, saute onion for 3-5 minutes.

2.  Add the chopped meat and stir until well browned.

3.  Stir in chopped onion, carrots, parsley root, green peppers and garlic, heat for 3-5 minutes.

4.  Stir in tomatoes.

5.  Add water, paprika, salt, black pepper, bay leaf, parsley and bring to boil.

6.  Steep caraway seeds in a 1 cup of boiling water, strain caraway tea into soup.

[Note:  My family prefers adding the caraway tea, rather than putting the seeds directly to the soup.]

7.  Turn to low heat and simmer for about 15-20 minutes.

8.  Add potatoes and simmer until potatoes and meat are well cooked.

9.  Add Csipetke (Chee-pet-keh) to simmering soup.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Csipetke (pinched pasta)

1 large egg, at room temperature
3/4 all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon water

1.  Add flour to bowl, making a well (with your fingers) in the middle of the flour.

2.  Add the egg, salt and water, mixing until well combined.

3.  You're going to have to use your hands and squeeze the dough together.  Dough will look coarse.

4.  Turn out onto floured table; knead until smooth.

5.  Using forefinger and thumb, pinch off small bits of dough - add to simmering soup to cook.

Phew, there ya' go - the real deal - and if you're STILL here...well...I'll love you until the day I d'ugh...um...stop remembering my name!

[knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]

Did I mention we're a superstitious lot!?!?

Hump Day Diddy Dumbs: His dad NEVER laughs at pregnant women, either!

 

My poor son (yes, he IS really mine) with those blue eyes and his fair skin, Little Man is the picture-perfect copy of his father - which, of course, means that he also tends to turn quite purple and embarrasses very easily.

"Oh, I do NOT need to be seeing these!"

Okay, so guys aren't supposed like shopping, but you'd think the boy would be used to it.  With three sisters, and all.  Being dragged around the shoe department, I mean.   But, in his defense, I suppose shopping for underclothes, and such, can get a little, boring - especially, when you're 8!

"Relax, we're almost done, why don't you go sit down on that bench over there and please try not to look like you're dying, too much and I promise...we will go and look at some stuff that has...um...more moving parts."

With three sisters, the boy is doomed!

"I'm taking the boy and we're going out to do manly things, today!"

So, Garth (not his real name) and Little Man did some stuff - the kind that the girls and I are not supposed to know about - but, this time it was his dad who nearly died and, once the kids were in bed, Garth (not his real name) couldn't wait to tell me all about it! A pregnant woman walked into the diner... No, really - it's not a joke - apparently, Little Man and his dad were having lunch and a pregnant woman walked into the diner.

"Wow, she's ready to pop!"

My husband nearly choked on his Diet Coke...

"I know how she got that way, you know."

...and nearly died of horror...

"Really, mom told me."

...twice.

"There's a special kind of hug that a man and a woman do."

Phew, it seems that Garth (not his real name) is going to live through "the talk," after all.

"And it sounds REALLY embarrassing!"

[whispers]

"I feel really bad for you, Dad."

He looked left, right and leaned in really close.

"Yeah, because you had to be embarrassed...FOUR TIMES!"

Rest in peace, Garth - I've also told Little Man that it's okay, if boys cry - you can thank me, later!

Hump Day Diddy Dumbs: I've rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible.

When my four kids started school in September - one of the happiest days, in my life - I encouraged each of them to choose at least one recreational sports program, as well as have them get involved with an after-school activity, or club.

Now that we are quickly approaching the last day of school - the other happiest day, in my life - it's like Christmas, all over again and I seriously doubt I'm going to make it to BlogHer, in one piece!

"Stop running up and down the bleachers...stay away from the parking lot and...NO!...you may NOT invite a friend over, after the game!"

Seriously, the vibe here - in This Full House of late-night baseball games, choral arrangements, girl scout bridging(s), last-minute-projects and Hail Mary passes into the next grade level -- has been extreme, at best, and I do believe that getting through the rest of the week may very well come close to killing me!

What was I thinking?

For those of you without children, I apologize - it's not that bad, really - and if you're a parent, then surely you've come to learn that (no matter where, when or how many) raising children is a challenge.

What, with all the time and effort that we each put into our families, especially when satisfaction is not immediately realized!?!

Okay, so my kids are happy, healthy and living a reasonably comfortable life - even though they don't know it, just yet - but, do NOT think, for a minute, that my husband and I do NOT realize that we are each going nucking futs.

We are.

But, it comes in waves - there are those days that go swimmingly well, thank you - and I seem to be spending a whole lot of them just trying to keep my head above water and barely miss getting sucked into the undertow.

[throwing up the red flag]

It doesn't help when other parents, you know, refuse to throw me a line...rope...bone, or something!

[arms waving]

Please understand that I, in no way, mean to insinuate my parenting skills are any better than, well, the persons sitting behind me at Thing Two's spring concert, last night, for instance.

[chatter...chatter...ha-ha-ha...more chatter]

For the love of all things angelic, would it have killed you to tell your middle schoolers to, you know, keep quiet?

How did I know they had kids in middle school?

"Ha...ha...ha...look at her, up there...man, she seriously does NOT look happy...ha...ha...ha...why do they make these kids join chorus, anyway?"

Why, Mr. Asshat was even louder than Mrs. Asshat.

"They should spend money on air-conditioning...WHAT?...I...said...AIR-CONDITIONING...ha...ha...ha...I mean, do you guys have to sing in the middle school?"

Yes, the 5th graders perform, in both the winter and spring concerts, as sort of a last hoorah, before moving onto the middle school, where joining the chorus, as in any after-school activity, is optional.

"No way...man...choir is for dorks."

Well, thank goodness it's not for smarmy little Asshats, like yourself - because then I'd be wasting my time and wouldn't have to be here - but, you'd fit right in; wouldn't you, kitten?

No, I didn't say it out loud - because, I am a mom and a dork - but, I'm a firm believer in early education and was desperately trying to set a good example for my 13-year-old daughter, sitting next to me.

"Why can't they just watch the dumb concert?"

We looked at each other - with eyes crossed and each making a really funny face - and we both had a nice giggle, before the chorus teacher hushed the crowd for Thing Two's and five other descant singers - which means small ensemble and I know that because, well, I asked Thing One - began to sing, like...oh, man...they sounded like little angels.

Until.

[eyes go wide]

Yep, the aforementioned little ass hats started chattering, again and giggling, along with mom and pop ass hat and what happened next, well, it wasn't pretty.

[sounds of neck bones snapping]

Quite Linda Blair-like, if you will.

"Shhhhhhhh...look, I know you guys are just having fun...but, that's my kid up there and could you just SHHHHHHHH!"

No, it wasn't one of my best moments - although, I really do try not to make a habit to reprimand, you know, other people's kids - but, it was obvious that my kid wasn't going to get any consideration from mom and pop ass hat, either.

[blessed silence]

Although, they did look a bit surprised, at first - yes, I can be loud - many of the other parents looked pretty much, you know, satisfied with my their final performance, as I was.  One that I don't really care to repeat, again.  Especially at Thing One's concert, tonight.

[sound of neck bones cracking]

Little Man has batting practice and I'm taking Mini-Me (if I don't wring her little neck, first...stupid bleachers) so, I think it's best that everyone takes a moment of silence, as I try to keep my kids in tow and I remain, you know, invisible!

[silence]

Besides - I won't be there - my husband's going with Thing Two and he does NOT like going to these things, either!

Hump Day Diddy Dumbs: Perplexed in the City

As many of you may already know - especially, those of you who know me in real life, but like me...um...anyway - I am NOT the best traveler in the blogosphere.

No, I don't mean surfing your blogs - that would fall under the category of "things mommy actually LIKES to do" - and I don't mean in real life, either.

Put me in a car, strap the kids down with a few snacks, turn on the radio, pop in a piece of bubble gum (sugarless, of course) and I'm good to go.

Planes and trains - not so much.

"Um...okay, if I have to be in the city by 11:00 a.m....and the train leaves the station at 9:30 a.m....and arrives at 10:30 a.m...wait...uh...if the train leaves the station..."

No, I don't have a problem with doing the math - as long as it's simple and doesn't go above a fifth grade level, maybe - in fact, over-thinking a simple trip, by myself (yes, I said traveling without the kids) less than a few hours away, to the point of total loss of intelligibility, is one of the things I do best.

Because you just don't know what could happen!

Unless, you've gone anywhere with me - right, Kate! - well, then you perhaps don't really know how truly spazzed-out a misadventure can be.

"Ticket please."

[snapping gum]

"Oh...hi...okay...here...um...this train goes straight to the city...right?"

[click]

"Yes."

[snap]

"I mean, no stops?"

[click]

"No."

[snap]

"No changing trains."

[click]

"No."

[snap]

"Any chance you may be on the wrong train?"

[click]

"Nope."

[snap]

"Um...okay...so far, so good."

[places ticket into holder thingy]

"First time traveling into the city?"

[stops chewing]

"No...why?"

I meant to ask the nice conductor one more question, but...well, you know...he did have other passengers to take care of.

Actually - as crowded and, you know, stinky as trains can get - what I thought could be the worst part of the trip turned out to be very relaxing.  We passed the station near the house where I was born, another where I grew up, where my husband kissed me for the first time and the one near the exit running beside our first apartment.

Hey, I live in Jersey...remember?

"Pssst...hey lady...um...your hand?"

Oh my Dog!

"I'm so sorry...I was just thinking...you know...my kids...um...my, you've got very soft hands...uh...for a guy."

Shit.

Two minutes into the city, by myself, and I'm already being accused of making an indecent proposal

No matter, he got off...THAT IS...I meant to say...we DISEMBARKED without further incident and I found my way to the exit, where they told me to go, because I had it written down, once on paper, and on the palm of my right hand, and only then did I realize...holy crap...I forgot my gloves!

Did I mention it was 10 degrees - that's almost single digits, people!

No matter, they said a car would be waiting...brrrr...just around...holy crap, is friggin' freezing...around the corner...nope...not mine...nuh-uh...not that one...hey, mister...put a friggin' name tag up...oh...you're not waiting for anyone...um...anyway...holy crap!

After fifteen minutes - about the time Bill Evans says my hands would freeze and, you know, fall off - I finally figured out that there was no car waiting for my frozen ass, clearly ready to fall off.

"Um...hi...it's Liz...oh...uh, you know...we spoke, yesterday...oh, yes...well, that's because my face is frozen and I can't feel my lips...anyway, the cars not here...no, I'm waiting outside the station...it's really, really cold out...oh...okay, I'll go inside...thanks."

[click]

Who knew there was, like, a big difference in distance, between 7th and 8th Avenue?

[knock-knock]

"Bi...by bame biz, Biz...I bink boo bar bare bore be?"

That's Tella-frozen-Tubby talk for open up, dude...it's frickin' freezing out here!

"I'm sorry, Ma'am...but, I'm waiting for a customer."

I could move my scarf away from my face - if it weren't already frozen to my lip gloss - and it would have probably helped to have, you know, the confirmation, still sitting on my kitchen table.

"Bat's bee...bore bating, bore beeeee!"

[rolls up window]

Phone rings, his eyes go wide, he opens door and I dived into the backseat of his car!

"Oh...I am soooo sorry."

[shaking head]

"No...by bault!"

The poor guy couldn't stop saying how sorry he was and asked if there was anything he could do to help make me feel better.

"Beat me up, baby!"

Silence.

I meant heat...heat me up...like, put the heater on full blast...but, you know...I was so cold...and my lips were still a little...oh, forget it.

At least, I made it on time and he was nice enough to talk to me the whole ride, because...well, he had to, considering all the construction and the huge traffic jam that seemed to have caused other people to be late.

Having read about my latest misadventure, now you know.

My husband was very glad to be able to stay home and take care of the kids and a little proud of the fact that he did NOT have to, you know, sit next to me and hold my hand, unlike some Daddy-types, who did - sit next to me, I mean.

Because, I am a magnet for misfortune - hear me hummmmmmm!