This Full House

When the Wet Gets Tough, the Tough Get Wet!

Photo cross-posted to our 365 Day Project

So, how was your weekend?  Uh-huh.  Ours?  Well, Jersey got hit with a BEYOTCH of a storm, I mean this thing had monster winds of 40, 60, sometimes 70 miles per hour (so, I heard) it uprooted trees, knocked out power and left some of our neighbors without electricity AND gas.

Us?

[knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]

Just a few extra leaks, here and there.

"Uh-oooooh, found ANOTHER one!"

So, as my youngest children raced each other.

"Nooooo, I found that one, already!"

Playing an indoor-version of ISpy.

"Nuh-uh!"

To see which of them could, you know, find the most stains on our living room ceiling.

"Yah-huh, don'tcha see the pot?!?"

My husband, Garth [not his real name] and I decided that yesterday would be a good time, as any, to leave the kids to their fun, while he and I braved the storm, for some more emergency supplies.

"Could you pick up some Clearisil...I need face make up...could you pick something up at Redbox...aaaand, don't forget the Cheerios, okay?"

Seeing as my two oldest were home recovering from getting their braces (YAY!) and the youngest kids, you know, can't drive...yet.

"Can we come?"

[one beat, two beats]

"NO!"

[lips quiver]

"Buh-buh-but, why not?"

I reminded my son about his sleeping over a friend's house and my youngest that she just spent almost all of Saturday, alone, with me.

"But, you took me to work!"

Okay, but I was training a new hire and, well, I did have her bring crayons and stuff...sheesh!

"Besides, I want some private time with Daddy!"

It's funny, raising teens and tweens, I mean (funny weird, not funny ha ha) how our priorities seem to change.

"Where are we going, again?"

Almost on a daily basis, you know?

"Lowes, Costco and...um...Michaels, I think."

[lips quiver]

"What's at Michaels?"

[hands on hips]

"I'm ALL out of yarn!"

I know what you're thinking; we don't have yarn in our emergency supply kit.

"Maybe I should stay home with the kids."

[one beat, two beats]

"Sure, then maybe you can get an early jump on the to do list."

In our house?  I'll pretty much do anything, to avoid spring cleaning, except, maybe something illegal (kids ARE watching, you know?) and, truth be told, it's been a real tough week (for the both of us) and, well, what with the kids crazy school stuff (don't even get me started on our attendance woes) not to mention, my working part-time, into the night (thank goodness, I'm home during the day) Garth [not his real name] and I almost NEVER get any alone time, anymore.

[hands on hips]

Damned if I'll spend it cleaning.

[looks left, looks right and then left]

Okay, all I really wanted was to get back home, snuggle up next to the hubs and work on that crocheting project I started, um, what month is it, again?

"I'll get my wallet."

Just don't tell Garth [not his real name] okay?

[hollers uptairs]

"Don't forget the rebate check."

After a quick-ish stop at Costco for school lunch supplies, of course!

© 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

Killing Two Birds With One Peartini

My husband, Garth [not his real name] and I don't get a chance to hang out together, a lot, anymore.  Oh, we're fine.  Thanks.  It's just that, he works during the day and I don't get home until well after the dishwasher has been loaded from suppertime (no, not on purpose) unless, it's Friday.

"You're off tomorrow, right?"

Yes...I mean...but, not this week...um...no.

"But, you worked last Friday, didn't you?"

Aaaand, the Friday before that...too...even the kids couldn't help but notice Daddy was feeling a little, well, I swear, the poor guy was ready to break out into song, any moment.

"All...by...mah...se...eh...elf."

[reaches for tissue box]

"I don't wanna be."

[sniff-sniff]

All...by...mah...se..eh...elf...aaaaanymore."

This Saturday, however, we were BOTH home (WHOOT!) so, we spent the early afternoon food shopping (I know, don't be jealous) and life was good.

Until.

"Ready, Mommy?"

[eyes go wide]

"NOW where is SHE going?"

Oh, did I NOT mention, I gave the 16 yo permission to sleep over a friend's house, so she could get up early and go to church with her family since, you know, we seem to be in between religions, at the moment.

"But, isn't the other one babysitting, tonight?"

Yes, I also gave the 14 yo (i.e. the other one) permission to go to the mall with a friend and her mom (supposedly, Hot Topic had a sale, buy one Alice in Wonderland t-shirt, get two human sacrifices, free, or something) before, you know, the kid goes off and earns some more of her OWN spending money...DAMMIT!

"But, I wanted to go out WITH YOU...tonight!"

That's the thing about having live-in babysitters (I know, don't be jealous) you sort of forget that kids need to go out and have a little fun, too. 

"We just spent the whole morning, together!"

If you consider jet-setting across town to take advantage of can-can sales, fun (like we do) I mean.

[reaches for tissue box]

"Okay, I would LOVE to go out with you!"

Because, I can't stand to see a grown man cry.

"Call mom and dad."

So, I fired up the crock pot (i.e. grandmas and grandpas gotta eat, too) then, picked up the 14 yo, bought her home so she could go to the bathroom (yes, she gets that from me) then, dropped her off at her babysitting gig ('cawse, you know, she can't drive, yet) put on my sexiest black boots (sorry, grandma and grandpa) directed my husband to this really cool new Asian bistro I heard about (YUM!) and spent the next hour seductively sipping a peartini (DITTO!) through heavily-glossed lips and gave Garth [not his real name] my FULL attention.

[licking lips]

Aaaaand, life was good...until dessert.

[eyes go wide]

"Something wrong?"

Oh, we're fine...really.

"So, WHAT ARE GUYS DOING HOME SO EARLY?"

Just killing two birds with one stone (i.e. guess that peartini was A LOT stronger, than I thought) you know?

"Thought you'd like to share some cake and coffee, with us!"

Besides, we haven't seen my in-laws in, well, forever, too.  Aaaaand, life was pretty gosh-darned good...until.

"Soooo, how's the gym working out for you, Mrs. Manager?"

Peartini, anyone?

© 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

Garth [not his real name] Exposed and Nearly Emasculated

I've been blogging for nearly 6 years, now (I know, I'm old, shuddup!) but, this is the first picture I have ever posted of my husband, Garth [not his real name] EVER and it pretty much sums up his personality, perfectly. 

Grossed out, yet?  Good.  Because, well, you WILL NOT buh-leeve the story I am about to tell you.

Why?  Well, not only am I about to break another cardinal blogging sin, because, after 6 years, folks are finally beginning to question whether Garth [not his real name] really exists [waves to Amber] but, my husband has already told EVERYONE and his hairdresser, even (who happens to be a woman) about our attempts at an at-home-do-it-yourself vasectomy and went as far as showing ALL the women in his office, you know, the scar!

Aaaaand, before I begin, this would be a terrific time for you to grab a warm (or, cool) beverage and for my MIL to click on ahead and read something...um...else.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

Is she gone?  Good.  Sorry mom, but this story is just too funny NOT to tell and, well, may even save a penis, or two.

The Difference Between You and Me is I Make Other Moms Look Good!

Usually, women like Motherhood Uncensored intimidate me.  I mean, COME ON, all you have to do is take one look at her to know that she is most likely someone a mom (like me) could grow to hate, very easily.

But, I can't.  Because, she's smart...OH...and she really is very sweet, in person, too...damnit.

I guess that's why, after reading her post about how parents...ahem...with older kids (like me) sometimes have trouble remembering just how difficult living in the baby-toddler vacuum really is, I was bothered by my initial reaction.

[insert eye-roll, chuckle, fake head nod, here]

You know you're from Jersey, if....

Having been born, grown up and now raising a family of my own (and blogging about it) in New Jersey (what, you too...SHUT up!) I've pretty much heard it all.  Still.  You may be surprised to learn, however, just how difficult it can be, listening to jokes about why we're called "The Garden State" because, it's too hard to fit "Oil and Petro-Chemical Refinery State" on a license plate, etc...

[rolls eyes]

So, New Jersey has a lot of chemical companies; I get that.  Hell, I used to work with a couple of them - way before children - forgive me, but the assumption that moving here would be less than desirable, by anyone who refuses to take a look-see beyond the Turnpike tolls, you know, upsets me.

Or, in more Jersey-type terms...it friggin' frosts my ass, people!