This Full House

A Christmas Present Only A Mother Could Love, Eventually!

Asbury Park, NJ 1957

In 1911, Nagy Mama was born in Revfalu (pronounced:  Rave-fuh-loo) a very small village in Hungary and (as most children at that time) was primarily raised by her mother and maternal grandmother, who passed along the "twin gene" to my mother (my great-grandmother gave birth to 3 sets) and I also inherited a lot of traits from my maternal grandmother.  Though, she was much, much braver than me.

Central Park, NY 1957
My mother (15) my aunt (5) and Nagy Mama.

Romantic, a bit stubborn and fiercely independent, even at a young age, Nagy Mama preferred riding horses and climbing trees with her four brothers, to having to clean and cook for them.  I don't blame her.  Nagy Mama escaped from Hungary in 1956 (she was the same age as I am, today) with two kids in tow, leaving an abusive husband for the promise of a better future for her children.

Bushkill Falls, PA 1963
My father, mother and Nagy Mama, shortly after my parents engagement.

Unfortunately, she couldn't run away from all of her troubles and soon heart ache followed (as it usually does) as the American consulate told her husband exactly where she and her daughters were staying.  Eventually, Nagy Mama conceded and allowed her husband to move back in (it was the 50's) she tried to make the best of it and was happy that her oldest daughter was able to snag a husband who was, you know, not like hers.

Easter 1994
Nagy Mama and Thing One share a warm and fuzzy moment.

Though, my twin brother and I didn't have the most idyllic childhood (Nagy Mama's husband made sure of that) we both saw less and less of the "the a-hole" and, after having to bear witness to yet another awful family ordeal (trust me, this one took the cake) my parents and I finally cut all ties with him, for good.  Then, I met my husband, Garth (not his real name) and 2 months later we were engaged (I know, weird) and Nagy Mama cried, "You made a much better choice, than I did!

Circa 1996 (after Thing Two was born, I was never very good at keeping up with the baby books)  Thing One and Thing Two enjoy another cuddly moment with Nagy Mama.

Nagy Mama loved her great-grandchildren and often times would hold them for hours, even though I insisted that her arms would ache and she'd regret it, later, I'm glad that she didn't.

Me, Nagy Mama and The Boy - Into the 21st Century, we go!

I was 4 months pregnant with The Boy, when Nagy Mama had her first heart attack and, after finding her a lawyer, helping her file for a divorce (yeah, she was in her mid-8o's) and then selling her house, she moved into my parents' house and (though, her health steadily became worse) she often times would insist that, for the first time in her life, she was happy.

 

June 2001 - I introduce Nagy Mama to Mini-me

Oh, I can just hear her now -- cursing me all the way from heaven, in Hungarian -- poor Mamama (as my children having loving come to remember her) she suffered a stroke, right before Mini-me was born, and hated having her picture taken.

Still, it's the only way Mini-me remembers her and I, you know, will always see her as the strong-willed farm girl who was born way before her time.

No, she wasn't the best mother in the world (it's okay, my mother knows) but, through her imperfections, I'm learning to forgive her, my mother and myself, a little more, every day.

The best Christmas present, ever.

© 2008 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

Parenting Tip #19,201,733: When it comes to love, there is no language barrier - unless, you are family!

[Edited to Add: I borked-up my blog and accidentally disappeared ALL comments - sorry, if I lost yours - because, I am A DORK!]

This is the sign that welcomes visitors to my parents house, as it sits firmly planted in between the geranium beds, next to the bird feeders and right outside their front door.

On the surface, most people find its salutation agreeable and a few have made their inquiries as to where they, too, might find such an amusing lawn ornament.

Looking a little deeper, and having spent the better part of the summer visiting with my family, one might perhaps understand the truth that lies underneath its whimsical tone.

Especially, since I was the one who bought it for them.

Beware: Bitch Session in Progress - Hold my calls and mind all the empty margarita glasses.

My mom had double-knee replacement surgery, last year (yes, it's just as icky as it sounds) and her and dad have had one medical challenge after another, since then.

Life goes like that, sometimes - beautiful one minute, filled with suckage the rest.

It's okay, though.  I sort of imagine life as a giant 50 foot female, all hopped up on too much caffeine and experiencing a bad hair day, and expect it will probably try to bite me in the ass, more than once.

Today, most especially, she is going to be a total BITCH!

She gets her looks, and some pretty bad advice, from me!

It's unsettling, really.  Like looking into a mirror.  Mini-me has my eyes, my hair (poor thing) and my parents often times tell me that my youngest daughter (she's 6) is a mini-version of her mother (hence, her blog name) and yet (judging by the look on her face, pictured above) I believe that she HAS to be the saddest looking kid in the blogosphere, right now.

Unlike her mother, the girl absolutely HATES to take a shower - although, walking in the cold wet rain, WITHOUT wearing her hood, IS apparently pure nirvana - and, sadly, Mini-me has also inherited her father's penchant for...um...foot funk.

Phew.

Combined with a healthy dose of the creeping crud - an oxymoron, I know - her end of the day "funkiness," surpassed that of her brother, even.

Double-phew.

"Um...when was the last time you took a shower?"

The words were no sooner out of my mouth, when I realized...DUH...like, she's really going to tell me, you know, the truth.

"Yesterday!"

Which would have made it - at the time of this conversation - Saturday night, once my parents left, after a pretty lousy dinner, one that I had prepared, while sick, and having scolded me for it.

"You look terrible and should have just stayed in bed!"

After, my SIL took The Boy over to my in-laws for a last-minute sleepover.

"Yes, I'm sure I want to go to Grandma's and I do NOT want to sleep here, tonight!"

Before, Thing One called me from her overnight camping trip to tell me that I was wrong and she was right.

"See, it's only 15 minutes away from our house and I am STILL alive."

Right before Thing Two and I got into it, over her insisting that she get some private time, with me.

"But, I haven't even sat down, from cleaning up, yet!"

Still.

"Okey-dokey, if you say so."

I was too tired to argue and...well, there WAS a lot going on and it seemed reasonable at the time.

"Just remember to put on clean underwear!"

'Cause, you never know.

"Oh, and don't forget to wear your new pretty shoes, too."

[sniff]

Hang on.

"Come here, a minute."

[sniff-sniff]

"Ah, man...Sweetie, you stink!"

I know (I suck) but, there was no way I was going to take her to my cousin-in-law's open house, yesterday - I mean, we don't see them but once a year - smelling, you know, like a bad mother, or anything!

"Do you remember when Mini-me showered, last?"

[sound of crickets chirping]

"I don't know; whenever YOU showered her, last, I guess?"

I know - with parents like us, it's a wonder the child's not running around, naked - but, she IS our 4th child, you know.

"Well, let's see...it wasn't yesterday...and we were BOTH sick Thursday and Friday...so, that means Wednesday...[shiver}...GO TAKE A SHOWER!"

Done.

"Well, that was quick."

[sniff]

"You do smell a whole lot better...hey...wait a minute."

I mean, who does this kid think she's trying to kid - you won't BELIEVE it - take a closer look and YOU tell me what I'm supposed to think?

Paying a little more attention to the dusting of white - and less on the mad cowlicks, going on - it was plain to see that Mini-me was trying to pull a fast one and, parenting gods forgive me, it was when her eyes went real WIDE, I started to laugh!

"But, Thing Two told me to just go into duh baf-room, use a lot of baby powder and that you pro-luh-bee would NOT even notice duh diff-wince!"

[wincing]

Niiiiiiice.

"Well I most definitely DID notice and she was wrong, then; wasn't she!?!?"

That's when she gave me the face (see picture at beginning of post) and her bad mother folded like a cheap tent.

"Oh, don't worry...it's okay and PLEASE, don't cry!"

I mean, it's NOT her fault, that I feel so burned out, that I can't even remember the last time the poor kid was introduced to a bar of soap and that Thing Two gave her some really bad advice.

"I'll come in and help you take a shower, 'kay?"

You know where this going; don't you?

"Okay, Momma and good thing..."

Wait for it.

"...'cause Thing Two thinks you STINK..."

Just, wait.

"...but, I don't bee-weave her."

Wait...for...it.

"You don't?"

Here it comes.

"Nope, 'cause you STILL smell good."

BAM!

"Even when you ARE all mean and nasty!"

Of course, I didn't see it coming - I mean, my parents always DID say they were, you know, a lot smarter - and if I can't be a good example, at least, let this be a terrible warning, to all.

[sniff-sniff]

Apparently, she's right.

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If the shoe fits, then you're right, I'm mean and it's probably NOT my shoe, anyway.

Yesterday, was Mikulas Day - December 6th is when the Hungarian Santa, or St. Nicholas visits children and leaves his gifts - and the kids were excited to wake up and find their shoes filled with chocolates, candy and a new Christmas mug.

"Whoa, you guys ARE sooooo lucky!"

Even through the very nasal tone, I recognized it to be my son's voice and waited, along with everyone else, for The Boy to explain, except Mini-me.

"Nuh-uh; I got the same stuff, YOU did!"

My two oldest girls are 14 and nearly 12 - they have done this before and understand how it works - and having dealt with "the creeping crud" this week, I still wasn't feeling very well, so, I was happy to hear Thing One and Thing Two intervene on Mikulas' behalf and just sort of, you know, listened from upstairs.

"Mini-me is right, nobody got anymore than anyone else."

Then, I heard someone stomp their foot.

"Noooo, I know THAT!"

Judging from the tone, I assumed it was The Boy.

"I mean, she hasn't been very good, pretty bad, actually and she's just lucky she didn't get any coal!"

D'oh, and there went any thoughts of my sleeping in.

"Hey, KNOCK IT OFF down there!"

I know - yelling at the kids first thing in the morning on Mikulas Day, and all - but at least it shut them up and long enough, you know, for me to kick the dog off the bed, get some feeling back into my legs and crawl downstairs.

"That wasn't a very nice thing to say, Sweetie."

Even though it's, you know, true.  Being 4th in line - not to mention, cute as she is - my youngest daughter, unfortunately, has learned a lot watching her older sisters and brother, which means she knows just how to get her way, by getting on everyone's nerve, quicker and is way smarter than I am.

"Yah, kind of wude, too and you should take away his choc-wits and teach him a wesson!"

Mini-me has been a pill, lately.

"No, I don't think what The Boy said was THAT bad, really!"

He stomped his foot - yep, I was right! - but, this time, The Boy's voice was way louder, than mine.

"I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT THE GIRLS!"

Huh?

"I was talking about you, Mom!"

HUH, wait a minute...and...WHAT!?!?

"You haven't been a very nice Mommy."

Yeah, well, are we ever?  Besides, I didn't fight Garth (not his real name) when he gave them ALL a mental day off, yesterday - a perk for bringing home very good report cards - but, I was sick and then he went to work...oh, and...SO!?!?

"But, Mikulas only cares about YOU kids!"

[eyes go wide]

"Yeah, but Thing One used one of YOUR shoes!"

[sound of crickets]

"I don't think Mikulas know-dit!"

Oh, how the kids laughed and I just sort of, you know, went back to bed, but not before speaking up for all us, mean Moms.

"See, I guess even Mikulas knows that Mommy's need a break and that even HE can make mistakes, sometimes!"

Besides, Thing One and I DO wear the same size and clearly, if he'd known the shoe fit, Mikulas would have left Vodka!

[blank stare]

TGIF, everyone - if anyone needs me, I'll be upstairs, coughing up a lung and tending to a very sick little Mini-me.

Stupid shoes!

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Hump Day Diddy Dumbs: You say goulash - but, I say it's gulyas - let's just call it soup!

I have this friend - YES, she knows I'm a Dork and still, you know, let's me hang with her -  who takes it upon herself to remind my children, to remind me, not to forget...you know...things like, an upcoming class party, or when they should NOT come to school...like, tomorrow...and Friday...Monday, too...I think...because, there isn't any...school, I mean...and they'd be the only ones there and other stuff.

"Don't forget about Saturday!"

I'm sure she didn't notice the extremely blank look on my face, since she wasn't talking to me, as she continued keeping my 8-year-old son up-to-date about his busy weekend.

"Okay, I think mommy has it on the calendar...thanks, M.J.!"

Oh, it doesn't bother me in the least - although, a couple of years ago her concern about my organizational skills, or lack thereof, would have probably kept me up at night and had me avoiding her for days after - she knows, that I know, after all these years of raising kids and killer dust bunnies, there's just not much space left upstairs.

Brain cells are at a premium, people!

So, where am I going with this...um...well, I can't remember...give me a moment...oh, yeah...let's talk goulash!

Still here?

Well, then perhaps you'd be interested to learn that my parents are Hungarian and that my twin brother and I are actually the first generation to be born here in America!  We grew up eating, drinking, and breathing in the delicious aromas of my mother's and grandmother's cooking and believe that - especially, now that it's FINALLY started getting a bit nippley here in Jersey - there's nothing better than a big old steaming bowl of Gulyás soup on a cold day.

I bet you thought it was a beefy sort of stew served over noodles, yes?

Well, Amber's husband Len did and so did Donna's husband - I've since set them straight, the poor misinformed things - that red gravy-laden stew served over noodles (or, dumplings) is actually called Pörkölt and can be prepared using beef, veal, lamb and chicken.

So, I promised them the recipe...um...a while ago...and would love to share it here, with you all.

But, not before announcing the winner of the Bloggy Giveaway from...uh...has it been a week, already!?!

We put all the names of the wonderful people who stopped by and left a comment in a hat - you know I love you, right - and had Mini-Me draw the lucky winner.

Yay, it's Gretchen from MommyCast - Gretchen was the one who helped me make my trip to California picture perfect - so, what has she won?

My parents returned from a 5 week trip to Hungary, in October, and - in memory of the men, women and children who lost their lives during the Hungarian Revolution of 1956 - I am proudly giving away a beautiful handmade linen table runner, they brought back from my mother's village of Mosonmagyarovar, Hungary.

Congratulations, Gretchen - I didn't forget, see Sharon - and please accept our gift as a small token of my appreciation and friendship.

And now, our recipe for Gulyás:

Gulyas Leves (Hungarian Goulash)

1 large onion (diced)
3 carrots (chopped)
2 parsley root (diced)
3-4 potatoes (cubed)
2 green peppers (diced)
1-2 tomatoes (diced)
1-2 lbs. stew beef (cubed)
6 cups hot water
2 tsp. paprika
2 cloves garlic
1 tsp. salt (add more to taste)
black pepper (to taste)
1-3 bay leaves
3 TBS. canola oil
1 tsp. caraway seeds steeped in water.
dumplings

1.  Heat oil in large stock pot, saute onion for 3-5 minutes.

2.  Add the chopped meat and stir until well browned.

3.  Stir in chopped onion, carrots, parsley root, green peppers and garlic, heat for 3-5 minutes.

4.  Stir in tomatoes.

5.  Add water, paprika, salt, black pepper, bay leaf, parsley and bring to boil.

6.  Steep caraway seeds in a 1 cup of boiling water, strain caraway tea into soup.

[Note:  My family prefers adding the caraway tea, rather than putting the seeds directly to the soup.]

7.  Turn to low heat and simmer for about 15-20 minutes.

8.  Add potatoes and simmer until potatoes and meat are well cooked.

9.  Add Csipetke (Chee-pet-keh) to simmering soup.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Csipetke (pinched pasta)

1 large egg, at room temperature
3/4 all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon water

1.  Add flour to bowl, making a well (with your fingers) in the middle of the flour.

2.  Add the egg, salt and water, mixing until well combined.

3.  You're going to have to use your hands and squeeze the dough together.  Dough will look coarse.

4.  Turn out onto floured table; knead until smooth.

5.  Using forefinger and thumb, pinch off small bits of dough - add to simmering soup to cook.

Phew, there ya' go - the real deal - and if you're STILL here...well...I'll love you until the day I d'ugh...um...stop remembering my name!

[knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]

Did I mention we're a superstitious lot!?!?