This Full House

It's Sort of Like Wordless Wednesday, Only Not!

Supporting anti-SOPA with a grayout!

There's this internet blackout thing going on today.  You heard about it?  I'm not intentionally being flippant about the opposition regarding SOPA and Pipa -- honest. 

In fact, I signed Google's petition and not because I'm all that AND a bag of chips on the internet or anything.

However, after nearly a decade of clicking the "publish" button (sounds way cooler than 9 years, right?) you probably already know:  I.M.A. Dork.

Still, words like censorship and boycott make me itch.

So, taking a cue from Miss Zoot (because, she's pretty AND smart) I am going to visit my favorite blogs  AND tell my online friends just how glad I am that they decided to click the "publish" button, today.

Unless, their blog is all blacked-out or until the contractor who's supposed to give us an estimate on a new-ish roof gets here (he's late) then I'll just tell them tomorrow.

Because, words really do matter and they ARE SO my blogging friends (DAMMIT!)

© 2003 - 2012 This Full House

I'm All #NaBloPoMo'd Out

So, allow me to present the lamest vlog post....EVUH!!!...consider yourselves warned.

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House

I'm NaBloPoMo-ing it, this month (first time NaBloPoMo-er) feel free to check out what I've NaBloPoMo-ed, thus far (PHEW!) and let me know how I'm doing (I mean, 30 posts, in 30 days, really?!?) when you have time, of course!

  ^{Feed me, see more!}

I Woulda Been BIG-ISH in Silent Films!

So, we've been without hot water for...ummmmm...what day is it, again? 

Aaaaanyway, I was tired of feeling all, you know, ummmmm-ish (i.e. a distant relative of the Amish, I think) and stinky (P to the U!) really, I bet yous guys have enough of your own stuff going on, your ownselves, right?!?

Riiiiight.

Soooooo, I put on a thick layer of purple eyeliner (actually, it's more plum-ish) fired up Spotify and did some serious desk chair dancing with Prince.

Or, whatever he's calling himself, these days.

I don't know which is funnier:  a) the fact the sound is all borked up or b) the fact that the sound is all borked up AND yeah, I still posted it.

Because, I am ALL about making YOU guys feel a little better about yourselves.

With love,

I.M.A. Dork

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House

Rock, Bumper, Echo Says, "SHOOT!"

We attended a family get-together in memory of Garth's (NHRN) uncle who, sadly and very suddenly, passed away last month.

The kids were a little nervous (me, too!) it's been almost a year since they attended my aunt's funeral and they're still not quite over her passing (me, either.)

I promised it was not going to be like that.

This was, however, an opportunity to meet up with extended family members of the Thompson Clan, from Arizona and Boston, who we haven't visited with in a very long time.

Which also gave us the chance to introduce our kids to another branch of their family.

Okay, so we were ALL a little more than nervous.

Still, it was held here in Jersey (yes, on purpose!) at Garth's (NHRN) cousin's home, which my SIL promised would be, an experience to behold.

She was NOT even kidding.  The wine cellar, alone, filled from floor to ceiling with bottles of pinots, cabs, shiraz and champagnes (they weren't even dusty DANGIT!) you could tell, was created to be a very livable space, with it's own thermostat and humidifier, well, I was ready to move in.

We were ALL blown away and each complimented my cousin-in-law, more than once, on her beautiful home, having done ALL the decorating, herself.

Okay, so we were all, like, "GAWD, this is gor-juss!" and "How many bathrooms DO you have, again?" every danged chance we got, hoping not to have sounded tooooo, you know, envious.

We had a really great time, considering the circumstances and, after watching a rather emotional tribute to my uncle-in-law, we were all a little sad to go.

Until, my cousin-in-law insisted that we come back, for Christmas and, well, one or more of us may or may not have volunteered to help clean up and perhaps stay, you know, until then, or maybe even for forever.

I mean, they DO have the room (DAGNABIT!) the area is absolutely gorgeous (yes, here in Jersey!) and they seemed to like us, just fine, until.

CRASH! I backed up into this rock, left behind when they cleared the lands to make room for their 1/4 mile driveway.

"SHOOT!"

And I may or may not have swapped the two "o's" for an "i" because, you know, I'm from Jersey.

"Do you think anyone heard that?"

Judging by all the cameras on the front porch, visible from way over here, even, I'd say, YES!

"Funny, I thought the rock would be bigger!"

Stupid echo!

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House

My Father, Zee Pool Mon-nee-tor

I'm a people watcher to the extent where I can sit, pretty much any place, for hours and, you know, make other people wonder, "Why IS she staring at me like that?!?"

Because, it's in my genes, along with a weird sort of magnetism, or ability to draw complete strangers into sharing their WHOLE life story (I'm a good listener, too) oh, and certain parts of my body are extremely follicle-ly gifted (you're welcome!) I get it from my dad.

My father volunteered to be pool monitor (checks badges, accepts tickets from visitors) a couple hours,  twice a week, this summer and if you've ever hung around the geriatric set (figuratively AND literally speaking) then you would probably understand when he tells you, "Izzzzz no pic-a-nik!"

It was his last day (as pool monitor) but, he did not want to go, because it was between the hours of "NO splashing" and "They're not OUR grandkids."

I said that I would go with him, anyway, just to keep him company and it would give him (and me) the chance to sit and make fun of the...I mean...interact with the rest of the villagers.

"Did you ask permission to take pictures?"

You know, it was SUCH a beautiful day and I really could have sat there for hours, I don't believe the cement was very interested in what I was doing, really.

"I em herrrrr perrrrrrmeeeeee-shun!"

I mean, he IS the pool monitor and, honestly, the pool chairs and loungers didn't seem to mind, either.

My kids think their grandfather is funny (me, too) but, sometimes they have a real hard time figuring out whether Papa is being serious, or not (ditto) like, when he tells them how he, you know, hates senior citizens.

"Oh, okay, YOU gave her permission, uh-uh, and you are?"

Okay, not really, it's just, well, at this point, my father feels life is too short to worry about Jackwagons, who insist on acting all, you know, Jackwagon-y.

"I em fin-eeeshed speaking to you."

Me, too... AND... I really, really hate it when people get all patronize-y, like that!

"Sir, really, you're not making any friends, talking down to people, like that."

[eyes go wide]

 "Oh, I forrrrget, you did not meet my frrrrrend Joe...Joe, dis izzzz my dah-terrrr."

[one beat, two beats]

"Yeah, I noticed the resemblence."

UGH!  That Papa!  He's so, so funny.

"Nice to meet you, too!"

Morale of the Story:  If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it. ~ Herodotus

Aaaaaand, THEN, make it HIS life's mission to drive us womenz right off the deep end...riiiiiiiiight?!?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Look, over there, up on that satellite thingy, isn't that one of those turkey vultures, up there?!?

SLAM!

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House

Fanny Body Asks, I'm NOT Home!

Knock-knock.  Who's there?  Fanny.  Fanny who? (see blog post title) SNORT!

The kids helped me out with a little blogging project and, since it's been raining cats and dogs, since, like, forever, they built this awesome tent in the  middle of our livingroom.

Not that it's earth-shattering news, or an epiphany in parenting, that will perhaps, one day, save the world, by any means, or anything.

It's just that, you know, my kids are older AND by older I mean:  a) oldest is graduating high school this year and b) youngest is moving up to middle school next year (SOB!)

The fact that they still like doing this sort of stuff...with me...well, sort of just blows me away, a little.

You see, I am not the best mom, or expert at anything other than being a dork (I get that!) but, raising teens is REAL hard.

Aaaaand, some would be hardpressed to argue that first part, as well (DAMNIT!) but, these are my kids and, some day, REAL soon, maybe they won't be home long enough, or even want to admit that, you know, we actually had fun...together.

Except, this one day, when we built a tent, out of blankets, in the middle of our living room, microwaved us some S'mores and watched Toy Story 3.

Aaaaand, it was AWESOME!

"Holy crap on a stick, look at the size of those mushrooms!"

Told you it's been raining, A LOT!!!

"Heeeeey, you know what, they sorta look [snicker] you know [cough, cough] kinda, I dunno, funny-looking, right?!?"

After some scolding and a quick lecture on the appropriateness of this particular conversation, my kids finally allowed me back into the house and sent me and my inner-12-year-old straight to my room, for some quiet time.

Aaaaand, it was AWESOME!

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House

Freshly-brewed elsewhere:  Allstate Good Hands Roadside Assistance Program Recap where I get to share a $50 Amazon gift card.  Also, had fun filming this video with the Minute Clinic folks at BlogHer.

See Mom Morph Into Barry Williams

In my pursuit to make blogging fun, again...seriously, check out my accent vlog, see if you think I tawk funny, I'm still waiting for Miss Zoot to do hers...ahem...I found out something very, very interesting.

[nonchalantly looks to the left, right, then left again]

So, I was reading about my friend Christine's (a.k.a. From Dates to Diapers) desire to win the #TypeACeleb Contest and she did this fun match your face to a celebrity thingy and, turns out, Christine looks a whole lot like Julia Roberts, only prettier (Christine, I mean, sorry Julia!)

Naturally, I was curious (i.e. desperately seeking an ego boost, as well) and thought I would try it, too.

Sooooo, I uploaded the most natural-looking picture of me, without makeup, which I also use on my social media platforms.

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

Barry Williams?  The Brady Bunch?  Seriously?

[hangs head in shame]

If anyone needs me, I'll be upstairs, googling local distributors for Bobbie Brown Cosmetics, cheap truck rentals and tips on ways to speed up the dry time for spackle.

Or, you could always tell me something nice, like, oh, I dunno, how much I do NOT look like Barry Williams, DAMMIT!!!

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House

HALP! I've Fallen & Can't Stop Leaving Stupid Voicemails!

I have trouble leaving voicemails....psssst, this is the part where you know, that I know, that you know, I'm a total dork, but act surprised, anyway....because, I'm always either losing my place, or start rambling in run-on sentences (shuddup!) insuring that the recipient will most likely never call me back and perhaps even unfriend me on Facebook, or worse, totally ignore me on Twitter.

[sound of crickets]

Social media can make some folks seem, I dunno, downright anti-social, sometimes, right?

Aaaaaaanyway, there I was, day 5 of hanging out on the couch with my 9 year-old, holding her hair back while she hocked up goobers of mass destruction (you're welcome!) when I heard my cell phone ringing, causing yet ANOTHER parenting dilemma.

Dooooooooooooooooooo I:

A) Answer my cell phone, because, you know, it could be HGTV calling about my new dream home, or the Queen (woman never fails to call at the WORST possible times) most likely, it's my dear friend Melisa (with one S) for whom I would most definitely drop a call from the Queen (herself!) oh, she makes me laugh so (I mean, Melisa, not the Queen, but you knew that already, right?)

B) Let it go to voicemail?

NOBRAINER!  Besides, most every parent knows that hocking goobers of mass destruction is way different than fielding puke of projectile proportions...yes?

Who knew that sitting on the couch, for 5 days, with a feverish kid, would atrophy one's muscles to the point of total skeletal fail?

"Going down!"

Also, consuming unusual amounts of caffeine will cause some folks to flail their working limbs and holler stuff you'd hear in an elevator....or Charlie Sheen's hotel room....whatever....bet you didn't know that either, huh?

Turns out, it was Melisa (dangit!) so, I called her back and tried my best to leave a voicemail.  Really, I did.

"[snort] Sorry [snort] but, you had to see me just now [snort] GOING DOWN! [uncontrollable laughter] then, she puked on the couch [snort] made her laugh so hard [choking back tears] gotta go [snort] it's Liz, by the way [deep breath] BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

As if she couldn't figure out it was me....or, Charlie Sheen's long lost twin sister....twice removed....whatever....Melisa did eventually call me back (silly woman) but, she hadn't listened to my voicemail, yet.

Soooooo, I repeated it, twice, and then she kindly suggested that perhaps it would be a good idea for me to, you know, lay off the coffee, for the remainder of the week.

Maybe so, maybe so, still, there's nothing like sharing a little laughter, between friends, aaaaand, yes, oh how we laughed and laughed.

[damned crickets are EVERYWHERE]

Sorta reminded me of this:

(Link) View more Voicemails Sound Clips and Attacking Old Ladies Sound Clips

[grin]

My work here is done. Go in pieces.

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House

You Say Joisey, I Say What?!?

Because, I am all about making blogging fun again (shuddup!) my friend NYCPatty posted an Accent Vlog and, well, dang if I can't hear it (her accent, I mean) because we live from across the river (or, the rivuh) from each other, I guess.

I know, I know, vlogging's not my thing, either.  Still, it's better than another post about mommybloggers going rogue or, the friggin' weather (here, in Jersey) right?

[cue the crickets]

Riiiiiight.

Here's mine:

Okay, what'dya think; hear anything?

[someone please shut those crickets up, already]

Fiiiiiiiiiine.  Fughettaboutit!  Want to play along?

If you want to follow along or do the Accent Vlog yourself, here are the words/questions:

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

• What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
• What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
• What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
• What do you call gym shoes?
• What do you say to address a group of people?
• What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
• What do you call your grandparents?
• What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
• What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
• What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

Personally, I'd love to hear from my Mid-West friends and, most especially, folks from the South, like, oh, I dunno, Nashville, or maybe even as far as Plano, TX, even...YO!

In the meantime, have a GREAT weekend and if anybody needs me, I'll be upstairs, caulking holes and mopping floors, baby.

Friggin' rain!

2/28 UPDATED TO ADD:  Yay for BusyMom, Dawn, Melisa, Heather and Weasel Momma for playing along, with me, too!

Now, it's your turn -- help a dork (like me) make blogging fun, again -- go ahead, you know you want to!

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House

Parenting Tip #43,100,688: Don't Have a Helmet, Get One!

Besides, the fact that we are perhaps the only family, with four kids, and the youngest nearly in double-digits, who has never been to Disney World (meanies that we are) a lot of people seem to be surprised when they learn that my kids can't ride bikes, either.

Without training wheels, I mean.

I don't know why, really, I guess my kids just never really got into them and then scooters were a big thing, so, there's that.

"I want to learn how to ride a bike!"

My youngest, however, wants to learn how to do everything -- especially, if she's the first kid in our family to, you know, do it.

"Okay, maybe this summer."

[hands on hips]

"That's what you ALWAYS say!"

Unfortunately, she wants everything, like, RIGHT NOW, nevermind that there's been snow on the ground for the last couple of, uh, what month is it, again?

"What do you mean?"

Because, you know, I'm quick like that.

"Like, about the ladies stuff?"

PSA:  About to head into female territory and references to lady parts will probably come up, once or twice.

"Oh, that."

Yes, I admit it, I've been putting off having "the talk," and with good reason, too!

"I mean, I know what the pads are used for, already!"

She is the youngest.  She also shares a bedroom (and bathroom) with her two oldest sisters.  The girl sees stuff, hears things, even when she's not supposed to and, well, at this point, I'm kind of worn out and really was hoping that maybe she'd sort of just, you know, figure it out.

"It's so you could catch the pee you missed and sort of drips off, right?"

[sound of crickets]

Aaaaaand, so, Hope and I had a really nice chat, last night, and, I am happy to report that pee was not even mentioned.

"Remember when I was little and you used to give me a bath?"

[heavy sigh]

"Aaaand, you pulled my pants off and I made you scream?"

[eyes go wide]

"Because, I wanted to be like Holly and Heather, so I put a pad on!"

[bites lower lip]

"Except, I put it on...sticky side up."

Oh, yeah.  I forgot about that.

"Aaaaand, you laughed so hard, you fell backwards and hit your head!"

True story (it hurt!) and I'm sure it won't be the last time she tells it, either.

"Why aren't you laughing, mommy?"

Stupid puberty!

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House

FRESHLY-BREWED REVIEW: Breaking the Silence of Abuse, Depression and Suicide