No fair? There’s two men living in a house with 4 women - we’re lucky we have a gas station around the corner!
After enlightenment, the laundry…and who knows what tales our dirty clothes will tell!?!

If I were any more late, I’d be pregnant!

No - I've been very good at keeping appointments and haven't missed my period (knocking on wood) lately - I'm not talking about that sort of late.  I mean, having to adjust the clocks ten minutes ahead and becoming the type of mom who has grown accustomed to planning everything....at the last possible second.

I call it, "Hail Mary Parenting," incorporating a game plan that includes very little planning, as possible.

Oh, I never used to be like this - heck, I even had our greeting card and grocery list computerized (B.I. - before internet) - I kept a daily to do list for nearly every aspect of family life.

Parties?

[snort]

Man, I could "theme" the hell outta any occassion with a "master plan" in mind worthy of a global invasion - think of Martha Stewart meets Atilla the Hun...on acid - that included everything from cleaning the house, planting the backyard and shopping (sometimes for days) for every exoctic herb and spice known to...well...heaven forbid Martha gave a recipe that included the word, "imitation" or sold in mega-size at Costco!

Then, I had children.

And then, more children.

And holy crap, if things didn't change soon...I was either going to lose a limb, suffer some sort of permanent damage tripping over myself or perhaps even killing myself with a friggin' glue gun!

That would so NOT BE, "a good thing."

So, I've learned to accept the fact that - no matter whatever the effort - there will always be, something.

A sick kid; a pinhead dog that insists on eating things, that it shouldn't, and declaring an emergency evacution of all bodily fluids at the most inopportune times and in the most difficult of places; backed-up drains; exploding toilets; imploding banking accounts. 

You name it and I've probably stepped in it, sat on it, driven into it, jumped over it or had it thrown at me - from all directions.

Hence, my new mommy-mantra:  If it ain't broke, it soon will be...so...fugghettaboutit!

And I did.

"Momma...bee-member what today is?"

[eyes go wide]

"Uh, let's see..."
[runs to calendar and nearly breaks a leg jumping over vaccum cleaner]

"Well, you don't graduate preschool until tomorrow...and you're birthday is tomorrow...um...Momma has to clean, shop, cook and cut the grass for the barbecue on Saturday...um...nope, I've got nuttin', honey!"
[hands on hips]

"GAH...it's Silly Hat Day...silly!"

Shit.

[Says a quick Hail Mary and hits the dress-ups trunk and craft box]

 

Phew...see, I told you...and I don't think I could have made her look any cuter, if I had a week to plan!

 

Plus, we had a lot of fun doing it and still have an hour to spare!

And I only burned two fingers -- now, that's A GOOD THING! -- eat your heart out, Martha baby...and chill-out, Atilla...it's gonna be a good day!

[knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]

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