"Do you mind...um, since I'm takingÂ it for lunch...if we don't haveÂ this for dinner?"
Oh, I know itÂ soundsÂ terriblyÂ "Ozzie and Harriet" on the surface,Â I thought my husbandÂ wasÂ trying to be very diplomatic about having to eat leftovers, again.Â Hence - rather than taking my coffeeÂ mug (because cups are for wussies) and bashing himÂ upside his head, while pulling on his necktie until his face turned blue -Â the blank stare into domestic oblivion.
Not for nothing, butÂ - I'm no Rachel Ray - no matter how many different ways you dress it up...it's still CHICKEN!
And at the rate my kids have been eating the last few days, he should be happyÂ there'sÂ anything leftÂ "reasonably edible" to eat!
Take for example, yesterday.
By the timeÂ Man of the House got home (7:00 p.m.) I had alreadyÂ run the dish washerÂ three timesÂ and taken out the garbage, twice!
Let me tell you, anyone who prepares and/or serves home-cooked meals for their family (I mean, married w/children) EVERY DAY...should STOP IT.
Truth be told, I am insanely jealous of you andÂ am terribly lacking in theÂ time management and organizational skills - not to mention theÂ energy -Â it takes to serve a hot and nutritious meal, everyday!
And withÂ an abundance of cuteÂ hand gestures and enthusiasm, no less.
I happen to love Rachel Ray - andÂ suffer fromÂ the sameÂ "talks with hands" disease - and though many don't consider her a "chef" in the classic sense (read: if it ain't french, f*ck it) I happen to think the woman is an absolute genius when it comes to whipping up easy and sensible meals...in the time it takes me to open every blessed cabinet, scratch my head and ultimately reach for the phone orÂ a package of frozen hot dogs.
Nope, I don't cook like I used to and servingÂ chicken (one of the fewÂ meats my kids willÂ actually eat...in most any form) canÂ seem awfully old, sometimes.
But, I can sure as hell make it FUN!
Meet Mrs. Humpty Dumpty:
She's a saucy little wench (pictured here pumping up breakfast and wearing a hot-looking polka dot bathing suit) who enjoys slow, sexyÂ mornings and being dipped by anything French (or toasted) and - upon hearing of her dear husband's demise - was quoted as saying, "He was always a bit cracked in the head and quite easily pushed, really!"
Moral of today's story:
If it ain't broke, don't ask me to cook it!
For the love of Humpty Dumpty -Â it isÂ Hump Day, is it not? - the next time you'reÂ sitting down to a nice hot meal, say a quick prayerÂ and don't forgetÂ your peas and cues...because this mommy (waves hands wildly and grabs breasts) needs aÂ hug and we're ordering out, DAMMIT!