There's a Hungarian saying that my grandmother would always refer to (especially in bad times) that loosely translates as:

"A dog will almost always crap, where crap already exists!"

Well, I wonder if they use bull horns in heaven?

Because, I swear to you...on all that is good and covered in semi-sweet chocolate...with the shitload of trouble I've been getting into - not to mention out of - lately, someone's been watching out for my sorry butt!

[remember, our dishwasher blew up less than a month ago]

Not to get too superstitious, or anything - although, I am knocking on wood as we speak - but, let me just tell you what happened on Friday and perhaps then...you can judge for yourself.

Good luck, or bad luck?

It was raining...HARD...Friday morning and the fact that I'd been fighting off a migraine the entire week, didn't help - at exactly 3:15 a.m., I lost.

For anyone who's ever suffered from this blinding, deafening and for sure you'll be puking by first light-type of pain...well...you know.

The last thing I remember is my crying as the pillow was being pulled away from my head and my husband shoving something into my mouth and saying:

"Suck, don't swallow."

[blank stare]

Okay, I know how it sounds - and can imagine the Google hits and weirded-out referrals I'll be getting in the next few days - but, I was talking about my migraine meds...sicko!

Typically, getting this type of kick-ass headache, I'm down for the count.  So, my husband said he'd call and remind me to...you know...get up...and start picking up the kids from school.

Did I mention that losing consciousness and - if I do manage to withstand the sound of my eyelids opening - experiencing nearly total vision loss, was to be expected?

Nope.

The day wasn't looking...you know...too pretty.

So, I managed to crawl - okay, move v...e...r...y...s...l...o...w...l...y - to the downstairs bedroom my three girls share, throw up in their bathroom, before getting into Thing Two's bed and covering my head with about a gazillion beanie babies.

They're very soft, you know.

[whispering]

From a dead-sleep, I sat up - which sent the dog and two cats flying from every which way - and my head reeled as my eyes went wide!

The room was dark - thank goodness! - but, I had this terrible feeling of...I dunno...that I had to get up and make myself a cup of tea.

"A CUP OF TEA," people!

Take it from me, the last thing a migraine-sufferer (like me) wants to do is to get up and make...anything...unless, I really, really had to.

Weird.

So, I walked - still, very slowly - to the sink, put the kettle on and just stood there staring out my kitchen window.

[bzzz...zip]

Weird.

[lights flickering]

Great, just what I needed...a total loss of power...again!

[remember losing our electric and being robbed of Labor Day Weekend, by Ernesto?]

Just, great.

[bzzz...zip...BAM!]

My eyes went wide and - as I stared at the flames shooting out of the electrical box on the side of the house - I thought to myself.

Weird.

Then - holy crap, the house is on fire! - I was finally able to snap out of it, grabbed a kitchen towel and ran (yes, mother-flubbing RAN!) to the playroom, ripped open the back door, slapped the shit out of the electrical outlet and was able to put the fire out!

Although, I felt like crap - not to mention I was still in my pajamas and soaking wet - I kept apologizing for all the mud and the dog crap in the backyard, as I explained what happened to the very nice police officers, who thought I handled the situation...you know...pretty good.

About a 30 minutes later - as the firemen finished prying the melted box out of the wall and making sure that it was indeed, contained - I was standing under a tree on the front lawn and one of the police officers came over to me to tell me, we were done.

"Okay, the power's back on and we've capped the wires and everything else looks...okay...but, keep the kids away from the back of the house, just in case."

[whispering]

I just stood there and watched him start to walk away, turn around, and add:

"Oh, and good thing it was raining...and you were downstairs at the time...and you were actually able to see it catch fire...well, Ma'am...you know, it could have been A WHOLE LOT worse - you're very lucky!"

I smiled, nodded my aching head...thanked him and the firemen for taking care of things...with very little damage...and for NOT making a huge mess...and then I puked!

Yes, Nagy Mama - I'm feeling much better and heard you just, fine - and thanks for helping us see passed all the dog crap!