A mom wasÂ sentenced to 5 years in jail for allowing her 18 month old daughter to suck from the mother's...bong:
"Ms. Durham allegedly remarked that smoking improved Michala's appetite and left Michala lethargic and mellow - a manner she found consistent with her own experience smoking marijuana," Judge Louis Pollak of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals wrote in summarizing the case.
The report goes onto to say, the court ruledÂ she should have to spend no more than two years in prison and I'm thinking...dayum...sure, it seems a bit harsh...but, where were they when my mother was shoving little soft-gels up my ass?
No,Â I don'tÂ think what "bong mom"Â did was right, but -Â althoughÂ she clearly has a problem with understanding the possibleÂ damaging effects of marijuana on her baby, I don't believeÂ "bong mom"Â should go to prison, eitherÂ - heck, I've known plenty ofÂ parents who have gone toÂ uncertain lengthsÂ (including giving their kids cough syrup when they weren't sick)Â just to get their childrenÂ some sleep and perhaps a few moments of rest, themselves.
But, I have resorted to strapping a colicky-4-month-oldÂ into her car seatÂ and driving her around town in the middle of the night, just so her two-year-old sister could get some sleep, while I cried my eyes out to the lullabyes of Barney and Pooh Bear, all in the privacy of my minivan, too!
About those soft-gel bullets I was referring to, earlier?
My brother and I had suffered from terrible bouts ofÂ highÂ fevers, not to mentionÂ chronic tonsilitis,Â up untilÂ soon after we startedÂ going to school.Â And the preferredÂ path of treatmentÂ at that time (no, I'm not saying when...so...shuddup!) was to keep the tonsils wet with a lollipop andÂ get a big oldÂ shot of Pennicylin in the ass.
Then, if that didn't work, enter...the rectal suppository!
Even the words still make my butt, hurt!
I can still remember her fighting us - yes, my brother suffered the same indignity - and having to call my grandmother to help hold us down, all the while insisting that we, "Stop kicking," orÂ "Don't squeeze it out," and swearing, "Because it's good for you and will make you feel much better!"
As we grew older -Â and grew out of the fevers likeÂ the
evil Dr. Froderick von FronkensteinÂ pediatrician claimed - and our immune system's strength increased, my mother's dependency on suppositories lessened.
Only to rear it's ugly head, again, after Thing One turned 8 months old and ended up in the hospital withÂ a fever of 106, that lasted four days!
"Well, Thing One doesn't have any symptoms and we can't seem to find a reason why she's having a hard time with her fevers breaking.Â So, here'sÂ a prescription forÂ an antibiotic and someÂ suppositories, just in case."
[eyes go wide]
[a little louder]
"Here's a prescription for an anti..."
"No...I got that...what's with the...GULP!...suppositories!?!"
"It's a supplement...to help Thing One boost her immune system...you just administer it...rectally...no big deal, really...andÂ she'll be a lot more comfortable...a lot less gassy...andÂ perhaps sleep a whole lot better for you, too."
"Oh sure...no big deal...as long as it's not YOUR ass...or, YOU'RE the one who's doing the administering...nuh-uh!...no way...can't you just giveÂ me some cough syrup...or, something!?!"
Mini-MeÂ came down with a coldÂ and - although, I kept her from playing soccer and out of the weatherÂ this weekend - she woke up a littleÂ stuffy.
"Mbaba...can you gib be a widdle bed-i-cin for by doze?"
I explained to her that it could make her sleepy and, if she was really not feeling good, I suggested that she perhaps should stay home and, if her throat still hurt, we could call the doctor, later today, and maybe she could help her feel better.
[eyes go wide]
"Nuh-uh...DOE WAY, JOSE...you are NOT twicking be, again...notÂ wike da wastÂ time...you said, "NO SHOT!"...and BAM, I got TWO!...by fwoat is feews just find...IÂ abÂ NOT goingÂ to get a shot...not tuh-day...Oooooh no...doe body izÂ bessing wifÂ MY butt!"Â Â
Suffice it to say, consistent with my own experience,Â my family and IÂ welcome theÂ healing effects of my mother's chicken soup andÂ a pot of freshly-brewed caraway tea (only!) as the kids and IÂ are learning toÂ appreciate aÂ whole new meaning to "Mama's little pain-in-the-ass!"
Anyone care for a hit?