What's red, white and green all over?

Why, it's my house...and her house...and his house...and perhaps even your house...as families all over the...well, planet...try and live...yes, LIVE...through the next eleven sleeps 'til Christmas.

Is it me, or does anyone else feel as if their head is slowly beginning to come apart at the seams - as fast as Little Man's school project - during the holidays!?!?

Which brings to mind the old saying, "You can't have your cake and eat it too" - when used in an incompatible way, sort of like "Happy Holidays" and perhaps even "Merry Christmas " - because I get it, now!

I mean, my children are well aware of how difficult it could be - we all wish for "world peace," or "a cure for cancer" and are truly thankful for "a warm and cozy place to sleep" - but, honestly...there'll always be someone in need, kids still get sick and darned if someone isn't fighting over something.

And I'm just talking about our house!

It's enough to make a person see red - not to mention a mom (or dad) waaaaay too cranky - when you've already expended most of your energies explaining to your children how they surely are NOT the only kids on the block who do NOT have a cell phone...Xbox...Wii...Wave...whatever...and then the creeping crud hits...and you quickly switch from the green-eyed monster...to the puke fairy...and totally forget about your migraine.

Yep - having a holly, jolly Christmas? - it's a battle.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, my son outs me...in...front...of...his...entire...2nd...grade...class:

[raising hand]

"Yes, Little Man...do you have a question?"

[smiles sheepishly]

"No...I have a comment."

[teacher grins]

"Um...okay."

[shoots quick glance my way]

"We don't seem to have much luck with such things at our house."

[raises eyebrows]

"Oh, that's okay...I'm sure your Mommy's not the only one...gingerbread houses can be a little tricky to put-together."

[shakes head]

"NO...it's not the putting-together part that's hard...it's the ants, mice and rats that ARE the problem...our house is always infested with 'em!"

[eyes go wide]

"Um, what my son means...that is to say...uh...ONCE...the frickin' ants got to it...the gingerbread house, I mean...ONE TIME!"

[sound of crickets chirping]

And if there were a hole deep enough, I would have crawled right in...after them!

What?

Did I mention that his class happens to have the largest number of P.T.O. moms, evuh...who just happened to be in attendance, yesterday!?!?!

The house?

Sorry, you see...with Mini-Me sick on Friday...helping The Man's mom and my parents do their shopping on Monday and Tuesday...helping Little Man's class and dealing with a migraine, yesterday...which, of course means I'll be slammed with my period next week...we broke into that some-bitch last night...and now the puke fairy is visiting with Thing Two today ...so, there's nothing left to share...but, the creeping crud.

[smelling of Clorox and spraying Lysol]

It seems I have very little Christmas cheer left, to boot - but, you know I can't help it - I still love this time of year and you'll always have my sympathies!