My sister-in-law flew in from Arizona - and boy, are her arms...uh, never mind - she's moved into Casa de Mucho Hormonal, already and is staying with us for while, anyway. So, in my infinite wisdom, I thought it would be an absolutely fan-TAS-tic idea to surprise her parents (a.k.a. the inlaws) on our way home from the farmer's market.

"Atwhay ouldshay eway ingbray?"

Huh?

"Orfay essertday!?!"

Well, it finally happened - I thought - I've finally gone and lost my mind and could NOT understand a word she was saying, or they're just plain talking crazy, in Arizona!

"DESSERT...what should we bring, for dessert!?!"

The last time I saw four children scatter, so fast, in opposite directions, was...um...did I mention how much I hate taking kids food shopping!?!

"There's a reason why I didn't want them to hear, oh and DUH!"

Okay, but I am a DORK and have never really been good at talking, or Pig Latin.

"How about a cherry pie...NO, I want blueberry...EW, that's not desserty enough...let's get something CHOCOLATE!?!?

Whatever, I don't care!

[eyes go wide]

You see, growing up, dessert was never really a big deal in my house - slap an Oreo cookie on my plate and I'm good - but, my mother-in-law has dozens of family recipes, handed down by French-Irish ancestors, none of which I have been able to duplicate, food wise, anyway - nope, not even close, by the way - and her homemade chocolate cake (with mocha butter cream icing) well, dessert nirvana, comes to mind!

Later, my sister-in-law gave my in-laws a call.

"Liz, the kids and I want to stop by for a cup of coffee; is that okay?!?"

Judging by her face - oh, and I'd recognize that eyerolling, anywhere - NOT so fan-TAS-tic.

"No, we haven't eaten dinner, either...and we're not staying long...but, who says you can't have dessert first!?!"

Much later.

"Where do you want me to put this?"

My in-laws decided to come over, AFTER dinner, and she bought cake....YAY!....and there was a little bit left....yay, ME!...so, I asked her to put it in the microwave oven, of course - right next to the bread and the leftover Dunkin Donuts - where it was less likely to be eaten by a Doofus-Dog!

Much, much later.

"Shhh, Doofus-Dog - you want to wake the kids!?!? - if you shuddup, maybe I'll even share some!"

I felt a little naughty, but - oh, well! - this pms we women speak of, it IS such a turnoff, that - if not fed properly and often - can cause even the nicest of mommies' bitch switch to flip!

"What the?"

I yelped - the cats ran from the kitchen and even the dog sensed that someone was gonna DIE!

"There isn't anymore left!"

I didn't even notice my sister-in-law sitting at the kitchen table and that sudden realization nearly induced a self-fulfilled prophecy. A few more seconds passed and I was still clutching my chest and unable to speak.

"I got my period this morning...and feel like crap...so, I took the last of the chocolate cake...and ate it!"

On the one hand, I thought...okay...but, on the other hand, I would've liked to have tasted at least SOME of the chocolate cake!

"I don't see what the big deal is - you don't even eat dessert!"

FLIP.

Morale of the story:  They call it PMS, because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!
.

If anyone needs me, I'll be upstairs getting in two more sleeps until I leave for Chicago, not to mention, praying I don't get sick on the plane and packing my period pants, just in case!

My sister-in-law?

She's grounded - until menopause, anyway - see ya!