This weekend, Garth (not his real name) and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary - thank you for your kind wishes and my husband really did enjoy his date with you guys - and we were able to get our first taste at being empty-nesters, having farmed the kids out and keeping this full house of overdue library books and month-old Netflix...all...to...ourselves!

"So, what do you want to do?"

[shrugs]

"Um...I dunno...what do you wanna do?"

Did I mention, it's been 17 years...sheesh...and I'm sorry...but, being together as long, as we have...and having as many kids, as we do...our expectations of a successful date night are relatively, low.

"Let's go out, to eat!"

You see, arranging a seating for 6 isn't feasible for our family - unless, it happens to be kids-eat-free-on-Friday at IHOP, or someone else is buying - but, my parents gave us money...and his parents gave us money...so, we decided to cut our kids loose on their grandparents...and RUN...someplace we would NOT normally go...without having to scan the window for a kids' menu, or a credit card, first!

"Quick, let's go over to the Pub and maybe even order something exotic!"

Because, nobody makes a Mojito...like the Irish!

"I'll have the fish and chips, and an iced tea, please."

[blank stare]

"Like in regular, or like on Loooowng-uhyyyy-land?"

I've lived in New Jersey all my life - I could probably spit to Manhattan, from here - but, the "oy" in some people's voices still makes me want to, you know, spit finger nails.

"Oh, go ahead, Garth...it's our anniversary...live a little...besides, the kids won't be watching!"

And that's when Edith Bunker showed up. [eyes go wide]

"Ohhhhh, aw'nt chew gawys just the cutest tings...how loooowng has it been, hoynee?"

What?

"Oh, you have no idea!"

I knew, that he knew, that's NOT what she meant.

"Actually, it's been 17years!"

[eyes go REALLY wide]

"Ohhhhh, sweetie...DAT ain't loooowng...I haven't slept with m-why husband in ov-vuh 25 yeahs!"

Really.

"No, that's NOT what he meant!"

Of course, he didn't.

"You're right, der-Edit, better make MINE a double!"

No, wait!

"Aw-rye-ttttee, then!"

Fine.

"I'll have a Mojito, please."

What?

"A Moo-hee-toe, you know, the Cuban drink made with some crushed spearmint and rum!"

[eyes go wide]

"Ohhhhh, sweetie...I don't tink so."

WHAT!?!?

"But, I can get'cha one-a-dem nice Mexican-type drinks called a Moo-gee-tuhs!"

PERFECT! My husband and I had a great time, ate terribly fattening food all weekend and - after only two rounds of drinks and an extra order of sweet potato fries - Edith-der and I became best friends, forever!

Morale of the story:  A bird that flies in a fog, and accustomed to ordering on the fly, is NOT necessarily a dingbat!

Screw you, too...der-Archie!