My inlaws are both turning 80 this year (relax, you guys STILL look good) so, I try to keep holidays and family get-togethers as simple as possible. Let's face it, I know that having kids running around at these sort of things can get a little gregarious and my mother-in-law just doesn't seem to be in much of a festive mood, anymore.
Heck, she's got 5 kids, I'm surprised the woman is even able to complete a sentence, or find the strength to smile, without madly clutching at her breast and gasping for breath, then dribbling her sweet tea all over the place.
Unless, she's eating cake at MY house - especially, if it happens to be one that Grandma did NOT bake - oh, and did I mention that I can make a really crappy pitcher of sweet tea?
It was the 15th anniversary of my 29th birthday on Wednesday. By the way, thank you for your kindness in sending along your
sympathy happy wishes. So, my husband and I spent the entire day to ourselves and then, after treating me to a sushi dinner, Garth (not his real name) invited his parents over for cake.
"Are you serious?"
I mean, it WAS getting late and the kids were...you know...still awake.
"Well, they didn't want to interfere with your day."
Great. Now, I feel like crap. Would you like to some more crap to go with your crappy tea?
"Oh, okay, sure, sure."
So, I quickly wiped down the bathroom and hid the dirty dishes in the stove.
The dishwasher was full.
"What kind of cake is this?"
"Um...Oreo cake, I think."
Garth (not his real name) made me pick a cake, but I insisted on getting something that the kids will eat, too!
I thought to myself...yep, she hates it...AND then the room went all quiet and I had to think of something...QUICK...because, I hate it when a room gets all quiet!
"HEY...did I mention what Mini-me did the other day?"
Because, nothing breaks a roomful of quiet like tattling on your own kids.
"Well, I got a phone call from another parent."
[eyes go wide]
"RSVP-ing to Mini-me's birthday party."
"Except...well...I hadn't sent out the invitations, yet."
My mother-in-law's right eye started to twitch.
"Apparently, Mini-me got tired of waiting for me to come up with a date."
And then her left eye lid proceeded to flutter.
"So, she went on ahead and did it herself."
And her other eye (you know, the one in the back of her head) started to itch.
"But, the other mother sort of suspected as much."
She put her fork down.
"Because, it was written in crayon."
My mother-in-law held her breath.
"And she wrote that there would be food, store-bought cake and perhaps a crappy-kind of tea, after."
Okay, Mini-me really didn't write that - although, she REALLY DID hand out her own birthday invitations without asking - but, we may (or, may not) have a bunch of kids showing up at our house looking for cake and/or me possibly dressed as a clown on the 16th and my mother-in-law thought this was absolutely hysterical!
"Oh, I do believe we have a politician in the family!"
On the other hand, Mini-me is NOT her kid and I may very well find it ALL funny one day, too.
Right after having stuffed myself silly with a plateful of warm apple crepes, topped with a dollop of sweet pot cheese and then dribbling espresso all over my red silk kimono, you know, the one I only wear on weekends.
Did I mention that I don't plan on visiting my children when their grown and Garth (not his real name) makes a mean Sunday brunch?
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