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Would You Be, Could You Be, My Neighbor?

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We live on a very busy street, used by commuters as a throughway between the train station and county road, so my husband Garth (not his real name) and I have always tried to remain vigilant about keeping the kids safely locked away in our big backyard.

Someone came knocking at our front door yesterday and, of course, all 4 of my kids came running from every direction to, you know, see who it was.

"It's our neighbor!"


"Which one?"

We've lived in this house for 15 years and, sadly, I'm on speaking terms with only one of them - my next door neighbor.

"It's the one you like!"

Oh, thank goodness.

"I got some of your mail, by mistake."

So, I invited her in; we spent the next few minutes catching up (has it really been THAT long) and parted on good terms.

"Maybe we can get-together; especially, if Mr. Screw Up keeps delivering each other's mail."

It's not that we don't like each other - I pretty much get along with most everybody - but, I've got 4 kids, she's only got the 1, I'm almost never home and she pretty much thinks I'm nucking futz, anyway.

But, she likes my kids.

The neighbor on the other side of the fence (you know, the one I don't like) hates my kids and has yelled at them, for being too loud...playing in the pool...on numerous occasions!

"Keep it down, over there!"

Can't blame him, too much - they don't have kids.

So, TV Squad posted a list of 9 least-wanted TV neighbors and, I'm thinking, we must be pretty high on some of our neighbor's list.

Wanna see?

Borrowing mommy's goofy glasses - here's the daily lineup:


The Boy:  Turning 10 years-old at the end of this month.  Crime:  Shooting hoops, playing fetch with the dog, laughing way too much and hollering stuff like, "Good mornin', Mr. Neighbor," and then, "Have a nice day," when ignored by Mr. Neighbor.


Mini-Me:  Age, 7 years-old.  Crime:  Playing on the swing set, working in the garden with her mother, digging for worms, pretends that fairies live in the woods behind our house and being too gosh-darned cute for her own good!


Thing Two:  Age, 13 years-old.  Crime:  Riding her scooter to the milk store, swimming when it's hot outside, taking long walks with her camera, writes her own songs and reads way too many books!


Thing One:  Age 15 years-old.  Crime:  Watching old movies on Turner Classics and film noir.  Doesn't like the outdoors, much.  But, when she does venture out, is often found fussing over a project in her sketch book and generally enjoys the company of her siblings.


Da Momma:  Age, none of your business.  Crime:  Matriach of This Full House.  Skips showers, forgets to brush her teeth, goes in (and out) of her driveway at least a dozen times a day, picking her kids up from school, especially, on stormy days, leaves Christmas decorations up until Valentine's Day and (allegedly) breeder of some of the worst kids in the neighborhood!

Although, we may NOT be the most perfect family (or, best neighbors) I can't help but think that, just because we got lots of kids, we certainly don't deserve to be run out by the Neighborhood Homeowners' Association with torches and pitchforks.


[sound of crickets chirping]



Wanted:  I.M.A. Dork - She's one bad mother!

Would you be, could you be, my neighbor?


© 2008 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.


This is where I pimp my stuff:  My 13-year-old daughter has kindly agreed to write a guest post, while I attempt to take the Christmas tree down.  Read Thing Two's take on Gamer Girl - Teen Books With A Bite.

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