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November 2009

October 2009

The House That Streptococcal Built and Other Tales of Bedside Manner

A Self Portrait at Thirteen At ten, she was diagnosed with strep throat, nine times and was my only kid to have gone through surgery, twice, and well, did I mention she was born on a Wednesday? "Yes, it's positive, your son has strep throat." My ten-year-old son, however, is not a very good patient. "I...[snorf]...hate...[cough]...that...[snorf]...swab...[cough]...thing!" Me, either. "Sorry, Mrs. Thompson, but we're all out of lollipops!" DAMMIT! "That's okay, our pediatrician is our usual supplier." However, her office is anywhere from a fifteen minute to half-an-hour car drive away and, well, I decided to take my son down the... Read more →

© This Full House 2003-2022. All rights reserved.

PHEW! Smells Like Human!

This is my chair. At the end of the day, when the light begins to fade and the last dish is washed (yes, stupid Bosch is STILL broken, DAMMIT) I remain patient, waiting for that final moment of release, as I breath deep, exhale and slip deep into my chair. "What the?" I can hear Cesar Millan, whispering, right now. "Wait a minute! You paid for your house! You go to work to pay for that couch and that bed, and yet you can’t use it because it “belongs” to the dog? Something’s very wrong there. If this describes you,... Read more →

© This Full House 2003-2022. All rights reserved.

Nearly Wordless Wednesday: Don't Sweat the Dirty Laundry

Sure, when my mother's over, it's a folding party and...NO!...I was NOT even invited! Although, I gave up hope of ever "finishing" the laundry, a long time ago, I still think it's cute how my mother comes over and gets my kids to help her fold their laundry, sort of. "I can't believe that this basket is full of JUST socks!"6 pairs of feet make for a lot of socks, I guess. Still. It's easier to holler at the kids, when they're getting ready for soccer, field hockey, or whatever else requires some extrasensory protection against stinky sports equipment. "DID... Read more →

© This Full House 2003-2022. All rights reserved.

Monday Morning with Doofus-Dog: 'Cawse Dogs Are Perfect, While Parents Are, Well, You Know!

D'oh, hello...mah name is Doofus-dog. Mommy is not at her desk, right now and...d'oh...she asked me to...uh...excuse me a minute, puh-leeze. BARK-BARK-WOOF-BARKITY-WOOF-WOOF! D'oh, sorry 'bout that. Ah hates squirrels. Don't you? Anyways. Mommy is not here, I think'oh yeah...ah remember now. WOOF-WOOF-BARK-WOOFITY-BARK-BARK! Stupid squirrels! D'oh, aaaanyways, she's a little under, that's naught it...wait, ah remember now...she's under the...uh...wood chipper...d'oh...NO!...she's a little under the weather, that's right...d'oh...whatever that means. SCRATCH-SCRATCH-SCRATCH! D'oh, hello...wait a ah know you? [heavy sigh] D'oh yeah, ah remember'm supposed to tell you that you can always go visit her at someplace called The... Read more →

© This Full House 2003-2022. All rights reserved.