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April 2010

A Time For Us, Maybe, Sometime Soon, Text Me!

Day 115 - Happy Birthday Garth [not his real name]

My husband, Garth [not his real name] absolutely loved this edible arrangement he got from my brother and sister-in-law, for his birthday, last weekend.

What did I give him?

A reason to remember the beginning of his 47th year, here on earth, as perhaps one the worst mornings of his life -- oh, and by the way, Happy Birthday!

Yep, am I a ray of sunshine...or, what? 

Don't answer that!  Honestly, I feel terrible about fighting...on...his...birthday...but, he followed me into the bathroom and, this time, it wasn't to see if I was using his razor (AGAIN!) in an attempt to save a layer of skin, or two.

Mine and his.

Long story, short (you're welcome) everything that NEEDED to be said, was and, well, turns out we both felt we were working too hard to try and please each other and, guess what?

[one beat, two beats]

All work and no play make for real unhappy parents and Garth [not his real name] was JUST as tired, burnt out and frustrated, as I was, go figure.

"Let's not talk about it, anymore."

Seriously, I really do know when to shut up...sometimes...and, well, it could have gotten worse.

"Are you and daddy getting a divorce?"

Aaaaand, it did...real fast...DANGIT...because, my 14 year-old was supposedly getting something from her bathroom and, well, it's certainly not her fault the walls in this house are really, really thin, and she accidently overheard OUR ENTIRE CONVERSATON, right?

"That's none of your business!"

[cue sunshine]

Seriously, I really do know how to light up a room and, if I had to be real honest with myself (because, you know, I lie like a cheap rug) our lack of privacy is no one else's fault, but ours, I guess.

Still, the bathroom is MY fortress of solitude, DANGIT!

"We argue sometimes, that's all."

We wiped our eyes, he vacuumed the rugs...what?  Our parents were coming over and, well, he IS secretly having an affair with our Dyson (I think) and, well, can you blame him?  I don't.  Deep down inside, I know that it will get better.  It HAS to.

"Send me something sexy, from the waist down."

Aaaaand, it did...real fast...THANKYOUVERYMUCH...because, my husband is really a funny guy...especially, when he text messages the middle of doing laundry.

I'm a sexy doofus!Happy Belated Birthday, you sexy beast!!!

So, I sent him a little somethin-somethin and, well, we really do make a great pair; don'cha think?

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© This Full House 2003-2019. All rights reserved.

NWF Mom Update: The Local Impact of Climate Change - Now, With More Itch!

You know Emily McKhann, right?  Well, you should, because she and Cooper Monroe founded and, yes, they ARE very, very smart. 

How do I know?

Well, personally, I've been working very closely with The Motherhood Creative for a long time, now (in Gemini years, anyway) and, quite frankly, I feel way smarter, already.

[sound of crickets chirping]

Aaaaanyway, Emily attended a lunch for DC bloggers (Amie Adams, Gayle Weiswasser, Diane MacEaachern), hosted by Jaime Matyas and her great team at the National Wildlife Federation to help them learn a little more about a few NWF programs.   

Here's what Emily said:

"The conversation came around to global warming and climate change and Jaime's staff talked about the local impact of global warming, and how we tend to think of it as being outside our day-to-day lives (it is global after all!), but that really, we're seeing big changes all around us." 

Then, her email made me itch:

"Poison ivy, deer ticks, fire ants are all getting much worse, and we can expect the yucky, biting Asian mosquito to arrive some day soon."

Awwwwwwwesome, right?  


Thanks for that, Emily.  Still.  I was very interested in learning simple little ways in which my family can help cut our global warming pollution and, hopefully, become more energy efficient...yes...from right here in Jersey.

Here's a quick recap of what I found out, thanks to Emily's post, without the itch (you're welcome!):

  • Plant shade trees: The Department of Energy says planting three trees strategically around your home to block the sun in summer and wind in winter can reduce your annual heating and cooling costs by an average of 40 percent. [TFH:  DONE!]
  • Become a Green Tag subscriber: Many states now offer options for homeowners to buy electricity from clean, renewable sources such as wind, solar and biomass that produce little or no global warming pollution. Green energy can also be purchased through the National Wildlife Federation by visiting[TFH:  My husband, Garth (not his real name) is looking into renewable energy incentive programs in New Jersey and ways in which to help us find a way to decrease the initial amount of $$$$ required, upfront...PHEW!]
  • Act locally: Contact your mayor and ask that (s)he sign the U.S. Mayors Climate Protection Agreement, committing your city or town to meet or beat the global warming pollution reductions outlined in the Kyoto Protocol.  [TFH:  On the "honey do list," too!]

Aaaaand, if that ain't enough for ya's (I'm goin' all Joisey on ya's...YO!) here's a link to NWF's global warming page:

Here's their page listing the impact of climate change by state:

Aaaaand Emily's post -

Rock on with your bad itchy-self, Emily...YO!

[FWIW:  Emily and I are Founding Mothers of NWF's Be Out There program - just helping families (like mine) get their kids outside and enjoy nature, more - no payment was received for this blog post.]

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Everybody Was Fast Food Fighting...HAH!

I came home from dropping the kids off at school, this morning (a.k.a. the land of the carpool lanes from and found this propped up against one of the kitchen chairs.

TFH Chore List

My poor husband, Garth [not his real name] obviously, he's sick (and tired) of coming home and, well, let's just say, the kids have developed a bad case of daddy deafness and, sadly, showing signs of dain bramage, too.

"Pick up your clothes...what clothes...the clothes that are lying in front of your bed...what bed..."

[cue head explosion]

It's amazing, really, how quickly, a person's head can explode, I mean.

The ironic thing about all this is NOW I am the one...sitting in the driveway...just waiting, for whenever I think it's safe to come into the house, or until daddy's head explodes.

"'s for dinner?"

[three, two, one]

"HOT DOGS, OKAY?!?!?!?"


"Mmmmmm, sounds good!"

Relax.  They were 100% beef.  Still.  I thought it would be fun to write a little song about fast food (i.e. better than doing the laundry) because, you know SOMEONE is bound fight me on this one:

Continue reading "Everybody Was Fast Food Fighting...HAH!" »

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Parenting Tip #2,100,382:
Always Learn the Rules, So You Can Break Them Properly

Lama Lama

I'm a BIG believer in Karma -- what comes around goes around, you get what you give and all that -- it's simple, easy to remember and exactly the sort of logic required, to help ward off a sixth sense for getting myself into trouble,.

In other words, I am very capable of making an asshat out of myself, without anyone's help...thankyouverymuch, Mr. Dalai Lama!

For example:  Wednesday - I wrote a post, on my shopping blog, about raising free spirits and teaching my girls to embrace their own sense of style.


Then, yesterday morning, I got home, saw the red light blinking on the answering machine and thought about, you know, ignoring it.

I mean, it could have been HGTV.

"Congratulations, you've been chosen as the winner of Green Home 2010!"

Probably not.

"Uh, hi, Mom, it's me, Glen..."


"'m in the principal's office..."


"...I got in trouble for wearing my wrestling t-shirt."

Yesterday, my son was sent to the principal's office for "inappropriate" attire and, well, I kinda, sorta KNEW that he was breaking the dress code and, you know, sent him to school, anyway.

"Are they gonna let you wear that shirt?"

I wish I could say it was a rebellious need to question the school's authority in deciding what my kids should eat, drink and/or wear -- although, I sometimes do think folks are getting a little, you know, militant about that sort of stuff -- rather than, admit it was a simple attack of mommy brain.

"Yeah, I wore it to school lots of times."

Honestly, I guess I was just feeling really tired of arguing (ALL THE TIME) and, well, we were already late for our carpool.


Besides, it's about time my kids started accepting responsibility for their actions and, well, maybe even I can learn how to quit blaming myself, for every little thing they do wrong, right?


Odd.  He hung up.  Oh, well...look, there's another message...maaaaaaaybe...

"Um...I need to come to school and bring me a new shirt!"

D'oh...shuddup Dalai Lama...stupid HGTV!,

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Wordless Wednesday
Just Imagine

Day 111 - Imagine

Momma, momma, what do you see?  A free spirit calling out to the me.

Check out the Official Wordless Wednesday HQ
Tag, you're it:   

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© This Full House 2003-2019. All rights reserved.

Trash to Treasure

Day 109 - Hanging Out

Today is my best friend's birthday.  Actually, she's not really my best friend.  Not anymore, anyway.  In fact, I can't even remember the last time we spoke.

Wait, yes I can.

[glances at calendar]

It will be 28 years, this coming June.

You see, Shirley and I fought our way out of grew up in the same neighborhood and, if I think real hard, I could probably even remember the street she lived on.


Okay, I give up.  I can, however, tell you that her family lived a few blocks closer to the Arthur Kill, which afforded their house a better view of the Staten Island dump.

Then again, even the "uptown" folks had no choice but to acknowledge our neighbors from  across the river....especially, in the summertime.

After a while, you sort of grew used to the smells, I guess and, well, quite frankly, we were too busy having fun, just being kids, to even notice, anything other than which street lights to watch for (hint: NOT the ones with the smashed bulbs) a clear signal that it was, you know, time to go home.

"Why don't you go and get some fresh air?"

My youngest is 8 and, well, not only do my parents insist that Hopey is and rambunctious as I was (especially, at that age) she is also, part monkey (see picture above) I think.

"What are you doing?"

Still, a lot has changed since I was a kid.  The dumps aren't visible any longer (there's a new project refreshingly referred to as the Fresh Kills Park) today, I'm missing the old neighborhood (sort of) and my best friend, Shirley (Happy Birthday, wherever you are!) and, well, there's a teeny-tiny part of me that will always be partial to the smell of garbage.

"Allllllll...most...GOT IT -- I'm trying to help keep the Earth clean!"

Disrespecting where you matter where you live...not so much.

"Can you buh-leeve some big, fat jerk left garbage on OUR playground!"

What can I say?  She's got a mouth, like her muh-thuh!

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Will You Still Read Me, When I'm 164?

Miss Grace
Meet my neighbor, Miss Grace.  She's turning 103, this year.  I know, right?  Trust me, it's not easy being her neighbor -- I took this picture from my kitchen window, yesterday.

NO!  I wasn't spying on her.  Not really.  I just happened to be doing the dishes -- because, the dishwasher was full, but SOMEONE forgot to turn it on, the night before and, if you've visited here, before, it probably won't take you very long to guess who -- and, well, don't let her age, or the size of Miss Grace fool you, either.

"Hi, Miss Grace!"

The woman IS intimidating as h...e...double hockey sticks!

"Liz...COME HERE!"

Aaaand, she can STILL holler, REAL LOUD, too!

"Have you changed your phone number?"

Not that I haven't thought about it, but, no.

"Where've you been?


"No, Miss Grace, but I got a job and...."

Then, she gave me that, it was a rhetorical question...MORON!

"I tried calling you."

Oh, wait, maybe I'm NOT such a dope, after all.

"Oh, really, when was that, Miss Grace?"

This time, she looked me dead in the face with her milky eyes and I winced, imagining what they must have seen, or at least, what Miss Grace saw in me, right then and there.

"I've been trying to call you...ALL WINTER!"

Shoot me, now.

"I'm sorry, Miss Grace."

She tapped her cane and her great-grand niece gave me a smile, all empathetical-like (at least, I hope it was) as she tried to nudge Miss Grace along.

"You must have dialed wrong, Auntie Grace."

[one beat, two beats]

"Well, MY phone number hasn't changed any."

Miss Grace also calls 'em like she sees 'em and, well, I can't say as I blame her, either.

"So, how've ya' been?"

I mean, what DO you tell an almost 103 year old woman...anyway?

"I'm just fine, Miss Grace, thank you, and you?"

What else?

"Did you know I fell?"

Shoot me, tie a couple of cinder blocks around my ankles and just throw me into something wet.

"No, I'm so sorry, Miss Grace."

Dang, but I felt like total pond slime.

"Nothin' to feel sorry, 'bout."

Rhetorical, or not, Mis Grace has this way of making me take a real a good look at myself (and my life) and, well, I just stood there, quietly and planted my feet firmly to the pavement, ready for my scolding.

"I'm still alive, ain't I?"


"Yes, Ma'am and will probably outlive me...too."

She slapped her good knee (I think) and, well, I'm just glad Miss Grace doesn't have a blog, or not that I know of, anyway. 


Because, just imagine what she would write about me?

"You lost weight, or somethin'?"

[eyes go wide]

"Why, yes Ma'am...yes, I have!"

[one beat, two beats]

"Well, there ya' go!"

Aaaaand, then she smiled, tapped her cane and hobbled off to her house.

" a nice day."

I know, right?  You go ask her what she meant.  Not me. Quite frankly, I'm too scared to find out and obviously way too busy being a MORON!

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© This Full House 2003-2019. All rights reserved.