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July 2010

Extreme Home-Do-Over!

This Full House The House

I still remember that fateful day, when my husband Garth (not his real name) and I nervously sat down at the conference table, distracting the lawyer long enough to hand us each styrofoam cups of stale coffee and, between the 3 of us, was the only one able to hold a pen steady enough to sign the papers.

"I think I'm gonna throw up!"

I was a few weeks pregnant with our first daughter (commuting, while under the influence of gestation, sucks wet poodle, btw!) and, well, WE WERE BUYING OUR FIRST HOUSE!

"You're young, yet, there's still time."

The lawyer, who seemed very well-versed in the matter, insisted that investing in a starter home was the way to go and that our timing could NOT have been better.

"As long as you move before the kid starts kindergarten!"

17 years, 4 kids, 3 cats, 2 refinances and 1 doofus-dawg, later (give or take a couple of goldfish) both my husband and I have FINALLY accepted the fact that we are, you know, totally screwed.

"Wow, it's a lot bigger than I thought!"

If I had a dollar for each time a repairman has said that to me, well, I'd be able to park my car in the garage, by now.

"We get that, a lot."

Not to mention, folks who are surprised to find that our house, you know, looks A LOT different...on the inside.

"Doing some work, I see."

It's not like we have this thing for dry wall (although, after a while, you DO sorta get used it) but, after 17 years, 4 kids, 3 cats, etc., etc., other stuff has taken priority (like, you know, food) and, well, there's ALWAYS something, right?

"How long have you been renovating?"

This particular repairman, however, seemed to be genuinely interested.

"Let's see, um, about 17 years."

The poor guy stopped laughing as soon as he realized that I was, you know, serious.

"Uh-huh, so, okay, I'm done here, buh-bye."

Granted, it's not the smallest house on the block (my 103 year-old next door neighbor has owned that title for, well, over 100 years, now) and, with a few of gallons of paint (give or take a couple of barrels) or, a VERY LARGE construction crew, looking for some pro bono work, who knows?

"Um, did you back-flush the pool, today?"

Because, you see, these days, I am the Queen of Denial AND Supreme Back-flusher!

"Why?"

Then, I remembered....that I forgot...to turn the shut-off valve, you know, back on.

"You burned up the motor!"

Long story, short (you're welcome!) that same day, we also ended up taking my car into the shop (it was either that, or never be able to make a left turn, ever again!) and that little bit of money I just got paid (because, you know, I do work, sometimes) uh-huh, I'm sending one of the Pep Boys on a lovely vacation...this summer.

"You owe your father a cup of coffee."

Apparently, my dad made a big stink about paying for the new pump in the pool store and, well, I owed the man a piece of cake AND dinner for the next 2 weeks, too.

"Why are you ALL wet?"

Apparently, the pump is a whole LOT stronger than our old one, the pressure split the out-take hose and being doused with chlorinated water, while under the influence of coffee (and cake) makes you do this:


What?  Melisa thought it was funny when I told her this same EXACT story on Monday (STILL don't have my car, sucks donkey balls, btw!) or, maybe she was just humoring me, either way.

[snort]

Still, it's OUR home, the kids seem to like it and I wouldn't trade this house, or the love I felt for my husband, at that particular moment, for all the philanthropically-inclined contractors in the world.

[wipes eyes]

Okay, maybe Ty Pennington (relax, my husband already knows and he's okay with it) or one of the HGTV Dream Homes (I've been trying to win, since 2001, DAMMIT!) but, let's not open that OLD wound, okay?

© 2010 This Full House Blog - All Rights Reserved.

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

Wordless Wednesday: Hosed in Jersey

Hosed
When ALL else #fails (i.e., car in shop, pool filter seizes, refrigerator burns up, or ALL of the above, just sayin') break out the hose and just fuhgehtaboutit!!!

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© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

Hair of BlogHers Past

Only 14 more sleeps until BlogHer '10 and, since this IS my 4th year attending this particular blogging conference (read:  proved myself to be a dork, 3 times, for REAL, already!) I feel it safe say, "WHOOT!" and admit that I am sooooooo happy I do NOT HAVE TO worry about flying, you know, in an airplane, or eleventy.

Heeeeeeello, NJTransit...it's been a while...how've ya' been, dawg?

Still, it can get sorta weird, stepping out from behind one's blog and leaving your delete button, behind (mine is broken, go figure) and, well, it's kind of hard to pass myself off as the ageless, yet brilliantly insightful and entertaining blogging ingenue....

[sound of crickets chirping]

....AM SO!...in my mind, anyway...still, BlogHer is one of the very few chances I get (if any) to hang out with some of my favorite people in the blogging community.

[Yeah, I'm looking at you, BusyMom, Jenn, SocalMom, Melisa With one S, Headless Mom, Dawn and NYCityMama, just to name a few!!!]

Also, to meet and thank past blogging partners and new business associates who I am also very proud to be able to call, friends.

[That would be you, Cooper and Emily!!!]

Because, in some weird-ish way...we HAVE become friends...who happen to agree...to disagree and like each other, anyway.

Me and Melissa

In fact, it was Melisa's post (more specifically, the above picture of us...at BlogHer 2009 in Chicago...together) that inspired me to write this one and say to ALL of you going to BlogHer, this year...HOLY CRAP!...I do NOT look like that, anymore.

In fact, looking back, I've had a completely different hairstyle, or color...every year.

Me and MamaLoves

That's Aimee and  me at BlogHer 2008 in San Franscisco with my short (very, very short) dark-ish, HOLY CRAP, but California is a LOOOOONG way from New Jersey, look.

Blogher 2007 in Chicago

That's Lisa, Amber, Dana, Shannon and me at BlogHer 2007 in Chicago with my long-ish, gold-ish THANK GAWD these people don't seem to mind hanging with a dork, look.

Aaaaand, what's the look gonna be...this year?

[snicker]

Well, only 14 more sleeps and you'll find out...soon enough...besides, I wouldn't want to ruin your image of me, anymore than I have, already, maybe.

[sound of crickets chirping]

Oh...look...over there...is that something shiny?

Mariska at sag awards
Oh, alright...this is me at a recent family barbecue...IS TOO...just, look for me at the BlogHer 5K Fun Run/Walk...I'll be wearing the same color tutu (for Tanner) so, how do I look?

© 2010 This Full House Blog - All Rights Reserved.

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

D'oh, There's a Deer in My Garden, Dear Maria, Dear Maria!

VargaMaria
This is my paternal great-grandmother, Maria, in Hungary.  My father spent many childhood summers, giving up his "city boy ways," living the "simple country life," with Maria (his mother had him late in life and, apparently, he was a handful!) and, according to my father, it was anything and everything...but, simple!

Still, as tough as Maria's life was, my father insists that she was the sweetest, kindest, most gentlest person on earth.

Unlike, her great-granddaughter (that would be me!) who is about ready to snare her some Bambi!

Exhibit a deer tracks Exhibit A:  Deer tracks (post-sprinkler) this morning.

No, I don't want to hurt Bambi (much) but, gardening is HARD work and, all of a sudden, after 17 years of fighting with aphids, hornworms and garden slugs (oh my!) NOW it seems like we've got deer!

Exhibit b hopey's prized cabbageExhibit B:  Hopey's prized-cabbage (she was growing to win a $1000 scholarship) beheaded!

Not just any deer (mind you) but, ravenous-militant-vegetable-swiping-giant-moose-of-an-animal that carries away an entire head of cabbage!?!?

Exhibit c tomato plants chewedExhibit C:  Tops of tomato plants chewed!

I went out to pick some tomatoes a few weekends ago and...OMG...where have ALL of my tomatoes gone?

Exhibit d chewed parsleyExhibit D:  What was my parsley!

I know...so, we've got deer...no BIG deal, right?

Exhibit e motion detectorExhibit E:  WTH is it?

All I kept thinking was...this is MY garden (DAGNABIT!) and WWMD (what would Maria do?) no question about it -- I HAVE TO DEFEND IT!  So, Garth (not his real name) installed this sweet little motion detector smack dab in the middle of my Concord grape vine! 

Just like Maria's (see picture at top of post) minus the motion detector, I mean.

Exhibit f new growth Exhibit F:  New growth!!!

Yes, Maria is probably ROIHGL (rolling over in her grave laughing) bless her squishy little heart!

Exhibit g tomato flowers Exhibit G: Aaaand, we have tomato flowers!

But, when in Jersey...you know...and, combined with my new bontanically-based insecticidal soap (email me and I'll let you know which) it seems to be working.

Exhibit g eggplant Exhibit H: The vegetable bed that lived

Oh, and no, we are NOT crucifying anyone - that's just the clothes line that Garth (not his real name) rigged up by the pool, so that the kids can hang up their wet towels, which, unfortunately, they do NOT use...DAGNABIT!

[sound of crickets chirping]

Morale of the Story:  Deer do NOT like eggplant.

Stupid urban/suburban sprawl!

© 2010 This Full House Blog - All Rights Reserved.

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

Nearly Wordless Wednesday: Pretending Like It's Two Zero Zero Four

CribshotThis Full House 2004

Found this picture buried deep in our old desktop's files and, well, ignoring the fact that my  laptop is STILL broken is not such a bad thing, after all.  Buuuuut, now my face hurts, as I'm seriously considering climbing into the h...e...double hockey sticks of a crawl space over our garage and dusting off the crib...too.

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Monday Morning With Doofus-Dawg: Well, it WAS morning the last times ahs-looked, anyways!

DoofusDawg Monday

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN!  D'oh, hello...eyes didn't sees yous come in all quiet like.

[smacks lips]

Mah name is Doofus-dog.

Ma ain'ts at her desk, right now and...d'oh...she ask-did me to...uh...excuse me a minute, puh-leeze.

BARK-BARK-WOOF-BARKITY-WOOF-WOOF!

D'oh, sorry 'bout that.  Ah hates squirrels.  Don'ts yous?  Anyways.  Ma ain'ts here, ah think and...um...d'oh yeah...ah remember now.

WOOF-WOOF-BARK-WOOFITY-BARK-BARK!

Stupid squirrels!

D'oh, aaaanyways, Ma is a bear...um...buffallo...no, that ain'ts it...wait, ah remember now...she's a bee...uh...she's be busier than a cat covering up poop on a cee-ment floor, right now...d'oh...whatever that means.

SCRATCH-SCRATCH-SCRATCH!

"Cawse ahs knows, and yous knows cats is stoopid.

SNORT!

D'oh, hello...wait a minute...do ah know yous?

[heavy sigh]

D'oh yeah, ah remember now...um...ah'm supposed to tell yous that too-mahr-raws another day...d'oh...that's naught right, either...'cause, everybody knows too-mahr-raws the today that yous forgot all about yesterdays.

SNORT!

Nah, hers 'puter brokedid aaaaay-ghenn (NO, AH DID NAUGHT BROKEDIDIT!!!) but, she's busy plannin' some-in, 'cawse some-ins happenins the day after too-mahr-raws and that some-ins gonna REAL GOOD, too..brokedid 'puter or naught!

AAAAAHWOOO!

D'oh, hello...wait a minute...do ah knows yous?

YAAAAAAAAAAAWN!

D'oh, oh yah, well, I hopes yous had a real nice Monday and if yous did'n...well...there's always too-mahr-raw and...shee-yah...theys plenty more room on dis-heres couch.

BARK-BARK-WOOF-BARKITY-WOOF-WOOF

Have a nice day, too-mahr-raws!

Signed-doofus-dog

© 2009 This Full House Blog - All Rights Reserved.

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.