Parenting Tip #3,100,188:
Don't Worry, They're Wrong
It Does NOT Get Any Easier!
Home is Where Your Drywall Hangs

So, This Housewife Answers the Door
(Dude, stop me if you've already heard this one!)

I.M.N. Ass

I know, I know, I said it...housewife...it's a bad word...however, rather than get into a debate on whether stay-at-home mom is any better (honestly, I really don't give two bon-bons about labels) say what you want, just, don't call me desperate.

Unless, we're all out of coffee AND milk [shiver] or, the microwave explodes AND takes the toaster with it.

What?  It can happen, trust me.

Aaaaanyway, I work from home...BAH!...there I go again...okay, so, like do working moms stop working, you know, once they get home from work?  

Color me confused (preferably, in a soft and slightly muted tone, like, heather gray) but, I thought we were ALL passed the, I know you are, but what am I, sort of thing.

Until, yesterday.

[knock-knock-knock]

I was sitting and staring blankly into the abyss working from the kitchen table (because, I still haven't been able to get through all the school papers that came home and, you know, I can't find my desk) but, I could see that some dude was at the door.

He was holding a clipboard, which could mean he's:

  • Selling something
  • Or, um, selling something
  • Oh, he could have fallen in love with the house and is ready to pay double what it is worth...in cash

Okay, that last one...totally dreaming...anyhow, I woke Doofus-dawg, flapped his jowls around a bit, so that the drool was now running down his collar and pretended that he eats salesman for lunch (stupid dog!) so, since the dude was STILL standing there (yep, must be selling something) I decided to answer the door, anyway.

"GET BACK...SATAN!...sorry, it IS his lunch time."

The dudes eyes went wide and...YES!...I will be more than happy to save you a seat in purgatory.

"That's okay, I'll wait."

Yep, he WAS selling something.  Turns out, according to this dude, we're spending waaaaaay too much on our television, internet and I'm pretty sure our cell phone bills are a prelude to Armageddon.

"How much do you pay for your cell phones?"

[blank stare]

"Um...Ma'am...do you know what your cell phone charges are?"

[heavy sigh]

"Uh, no, my husband does the bills."

I know, I know, I said it...it's hard to believe...but, the dude's eyes went even WIDER than the idea of being slimed by a dog named Satan.

"Does your husband let you...."

Aaaaand, then MY jowls began to drool.

"I know, stupid housewife...but, we had 4 kids...under the age of 10...running around...and, well...something had to give...so, I gave up worrying about the bills...and...I really DO work...from home...like, for real...and then I get to pick up the kids...drop them off...pick them up again...then, there's ALL that homework...what?"

Long story short (you're welcome!) I stopped talking (ditto!) because the dude's eyes sort of just glazed over and, well, I've seen that look many, many times, when my husband pretends to be listening, too.

"I WAS going to ask...does your husband pretend that you let him make ALL the decisions, too?"

[one beat, two beats]

We get our NEW cell phones, next week.

Full Disclosure:  No, we really aren't getting new cell phones (DAMMIT!) but, I really DID feel like an ass and, if I had been truthful and said I told the guy to come back later, when my husband got home from, the story would NOT have been half as funny, right?  Riiiiiiight!!!

TGIF and have a great weekend, everyone!

Love,

I.M.N. Ass

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