Parenting Tip #3,103,817:
Some Folks Will Like Your Kids,
Even Better Than You.
If You're Lucky!
And what do you burn,
apart from witches?

A Womb With a View


This is one of my favorite views this side of Jersey (Bon Jovi lives just across the river, right over there, see him?) I took that pic with my cell phone (yes, my camera is STILL broken) while waiting for my pre-admissions stuff, the other day.

What?  The dude sitting next to me took one, too!  It really is a beautiful view.

When my oldest daughter was born (nearly 17 years ago, this Friday, ACK!) every expectant mother hoped for a "river view," just like that, from their hospital window.

I was NOT one of those moms.

Nuh-uh, I was a leeee-tull busy at the time.  After 17 hours of labor, you coulda put me in a dumpster, I wouldn't have minded, just GET THIS KID OUTTA ME!


So, I thought.  Back then, they didn't have private post-natal rooms and my roomie was, well, one mother of a P.I.T.A.!!!

"This is my first, too!"

Seriously?  I don't remember her name.  However, I do recall that Mother Earth told me that she was "breast feeding on demand" (I think she might have even gotten cable on those puppies) while I elected to bottle feed (no flaming, just would have been nice to have similar feeding schedules) and she spoke about two octaves higher than a normal person, which made her even MORE annoying than a lactating wood chipper!

I glanced over her shoulder, out the window and pretended I was anywhere, but here.

"I can't WAIT to have another!"

Then, I puked.

"Oh, you poor thing."

Aaaand, so ended our conversation and any further sympathy, or courtesy I would get from Mother Earth.

She had at least a half a dozen visitors, coming, or going, at any given time and, let me tell you, the LAST thing any new mother needs, especially one who's been ripped through, from top to bottom, by something the size of a watermelon (you're welcome) is a bunch of gooney-goo-goo-eyed strangers asking her, "Sooooo, what did you haaaaaave?"

"A watermelon, I think."

Didn't help that the toilet was on MY side of the room, either.


"HIYA, sooooo, what did YOU haaaaaave?"

Aaaand, that's when I lost it.


Long story, short (no, really, you're welcome!) they gave me my own room and, for the next 12 hours, I slept like a baby.


[We interrupt this day dream to bring you...death by wood chipper]

I crash landed back and, no, it wasn't Mother Earth (that would be REAL weird, right?) but, it was nice to see my SIL come down to check on me (she happens to work at this hospital) and, well, you gotta love karma, right?

"Great view, isn't it?"

Yeah, it really is (albeit, a little melancholy, this time around) and, even though I am half-passed-too-old and a-quarter-to-menopause (ain't being a woman, grand?) I can't help but feel a little sad that, next time, you know, there REALLY won't be a next time.

"The water looks smooth as glass."

Good thing there was a bathroom, right there, too!


Stupid river view.


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