My youngest loves to make lists; this one from the day after New Year's, when my husband came down with another mancold.

Living in a houseful of girls, who insist that shoving stuff into corners and hiding dirty clothes under the bed is, you know, cleaning, I sometimes forget that we have a son.

I don't mean, like, I forget to pick him up from school (which is a good thing, seeing as my kids go to four different schools) or, that he's not listed on our tax forms, or anything.

It's just that, you know, boys are different.

Although, I really DO have trouble remembering which is which. 

Whose idea was it to pick girls names, all starting in the same letter, anyway?  Oh, wait.  that was me, never mind.

Aaaaanyway, what was I saying?

[watches dust bunnies dancing in the sunlight]

Oh, yeah.  The boy's room is almost always clean and WTH is it with Ladies Rooms, anyway, RIGHT?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

So, raising 2 teens and 2 tweens, I seem to have also picked up the annoying habit of, you know, SPEAKING LOUDLY!

"What's for dinner?"

"Pork chops and apple sauce."

[5 mins later]

"What's for dinner?"

[sigh]

"Pork chops."

[10 mins later]

"What's for dinner?"

[heavy sigh]

"Pork."

[one beat, two beats]

"What's for..."

"I DON'T KNOW!"

[covers ears]

"Ooooookay.  Why you hollerin'?"

See, no wonder kids think parents are weird, or, maybe it's just me (shuddup!) but, I'm happy to say, that I have recently happened upon a brand new parenting tactic.

Long story, short (I know, too late, thanks for reading and has anyone ever told you how pretty you really, are?) bribery was not involved.

"What's wrong with Heather?"

"She's sick."

Then, my 17 year-old woke up with a migraine.

"What's wrong with Holly?"

"Sick."

Then, my 12 year-old son got down on his knees and began to beg.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze, I've only had one sick day!"

To save time, I didn't even bother waking up the 9 year-old (you know, what's her name, kinda short, sort of looks like me, likes to make lists?) and instituted a "mental health day," at the beginning of this week, with one proviso:

"You will have to clean your room and I mean holiday clean!"

Aaaand, I didn't even have to use UPPERCASE!

[cough, cough]

"What's the matter with Glen?"

The kids have a 4-day weekend.

"He's sick."

And, were all supposed to sleepover my parent's house.

"But, we still get to sleep over, right?"

To save time, I didn't even bother to get dressed.

"Where's Glen."

"Oh, he's home, watching pay-per-view, waiting for me, some chocolate donuts and a medium-sized coolata, DAMMIT!"

My parents didn't even bother to ask why I was still wearing my pajamas.

Morale of Story:  Why, yes, I am totally full of pork chops...AND APPLESAUCE!

Stupid 4-day weekends.

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