I have trouble leaving voicemails....psssst, this is the part where you know, that I know, that you know, I'm a total dork, but act surprised, anyway....because, I'm always either losing my place, or start rambling in run-on sentences (shuddup!) insuring that the recipient will most likely never call me back and perhaps even unfriend me on Facebook, or worse, totally ignore me on Twitter.
[sound of crickets]
Social media can make some folks seem, I dunno, downright anti-social, sometimes, right?
Aaaaaaanyway, there I was, day 5 of hanging out on the couch with my 9 year-old, holding her hair back while she hocked up goobers of mass destruction (you're welcome!) when I heard my cell phone ringing, causing yet ANOTHER parenting dilemma.
A) Answer my cell phone, because, you know, it could be HGTV calling about my new dream home, or the Queen (woman never fails to call at the WORST possible times) most likely, it's my dear friend Melisa (with one S) for whom I would most definitely drop a call from the Queen (herself!) oh, she makes me laugh so (I mean, Melisa, not the Queen, but you knew that already, right?)
B) Let it go to voicemail?
NOBRAINER! Besides, most every parent knows that hocking goobers of mass destruction is way different than fielding puke of projectile proportions...yes?
Who knew that sitting on the couch, for 5 days, with a feverish kid, would atrophy one's muscles to the point of total skeletal fail?
Also, consuming unusual amounts of caffeine will cause some folks to flail their working limbs and holler stuff you'd hear in an elevator....or Charlie Sheen's hotel room....whatever....bet you didn't know that either, huh?
Turns out, it was Melisa (dangit!) so, I called her back and tried my best to leave a voicemail. Really, I did.
"[snort] Sorry [snort] but, you had to see me just now [snort] GOING DOWN! [uncontrollable laughter] then, she puked on the couch [snort] made her laugh so hard [choking back tears] gotta go [snort] it's Liz, by the way [deep breath] BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
As if she couldn't figure out it was me....or, Charlie Sheen's long lost twin sister....twice removed....whatever....Melisa did eventually call me back (silly woman) but, she hadn't listened to my voicemail, yet.
Soooooo, I repeated it, twice, and then she kindly suggested that perhaps it would be a good idea for me to, you know, lay off the coffee, for the remainder of the week.
Maybe so, maybe so, still, there's nothing like sharing a little laughter, between friends, aaaaand, yes, oh how we laughed and laughed.
[damned crickets are EVERYWHERE]
Sorta reminded me of this:
My work here is done. Go in pieces.
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