My oldest, her first Halloween in 1994, I dressed Holly as Little Bo Beep (sorry, Holly!) Aaaaand, even Heather's face is all, like, seriously Mom?!? Also, I'm pretty sure Glen is STILL not over the epic diaper wedgie he received from this ill-fitting-hand-me-down Tigger suit. Which leads me to reason #71,928,099 why I will be fed a steady diet of strained carrots, in a nursing home, somewhere far, far, away. 2006 was the last time I took ALL 4 of them out trick-or-treating, together (scary thought, I know!) "You coming to the parade?" Today, after 13 consecutive years of packing kids off to school, costumes in tow, I'll be attending my last Halloween parade. "Yes, why?" Aaaand, I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. "Because, you always walk next to me." Because, my youngest seems to have inherited a healthy dose of parental embarrassment from her siblings, too.... Read more →

My 17yo is studying Forensics. Don't ask me why. She's majoring in art education, I think. Also, the girl can't even squash a bug, let alone, bag a stinky old body part. Aaaaanyway, she's a huge Bones and NCIS fan (me, too!) helllloooo David Boreanaz and Mark Harmon. [heavy sigh] Um, what was I saying, something about body parts? Oh yeah, so I wasn't surprised that Forensics is one of her favorite classes, this year. "We tested each others' lips, today." [eyes go wide] "I mean, we put on lipstick and took print samples of our lips." She then began telling me a really funny story about how the boys have NO idea how to put on lipstick. "They kept opening and closing their mouths, like fish." Also, my oldest daughter is very animated when she wants to be. "It was hard to get a good read on their lip... Read more →

This is what I see, when looking out my kitchen window and I swear it's mocking me, flipping me the bird, or something. Stupid, freaky-looking tree. © 2003 - 2011 This Full House Read more →

My friend, Melisa (with one S) had a really bad run in with a runaway gas pump, yesterday. Really, go and give her some love (when you find the time, of course!) because, personally, I can totally relate to her angst. I mean, honestly, as a self-professed magnet for attracting really, really embarrassing situations AND considering my talent for breaking things HARD! There really is a REAL good reason why this Jersey girls does NOT pump her own gas. Yeah, besides the fact that it's illegal to pump your own gas, here in New Jersey (and Oregon, I think) THIS IS a law suit just waiting to happen. "Oh and be sure to stop at the gas station on your way home." Now that my oldest daughter is driving? "I think it's time you learned how to get gas." I think it's real important to know how to pump your... Read more →

Backstory: Hurricane Irene ripped us a new one (figuratively and literally) damaging our roof and chimney, which now causes our ceilings and the front of our house to leak like a sieve, every time it rains. Flashback: to September, which, turns out, was one of the stormiest months we've ever had, here in Jersey (of course!) Flash-forward: last night, my awesome friend Sue (who also happens to be my next door neighbor, in my dreams, I wish) Facebook's me while I'm out buying lottery tickets. Missed it (DAGNABIT!) so, through the magic of the interwebs, I go and watch the episode this morning: Sorry about the 15 second ad in the beginning (ABC folks gotta keep their lights on, too, I guess) the clip itself is only 30 seconds long and a gosh-darned good example of what it's like to live in our house, when EVERY TIME IT RAINS!!! Now,... Read more →

Loooong before I had kids and waaaaay before automated teller machines -- although, it's kinda weird to call ATM's that, since they don't give out lollipops OR dog bones -- I was the senior customer service representative for a large manufacturing company. Before that, I was the secretary to the plant manager, as well as various vice presidents and a couple of marketing and district sales managers in their corporate offices. Then, the owner was indicted (long story, I hear he pretends he's Elvis now) and, well, I got another job as a, you guessed it, a customer service representative. However, this time, for a rather large manufacturer of toilets. So, yeah, I have a lot of experience, dealing with customers and their crap, at an executive level. I empathize with anyone working in a service-based capacity, whenever dealing directly with the public, because, well, people suck. Unless, I happen... Read more →

I hate the dentist. What?!? You, too!!! Seriously, the word Novocaine alone (for me, a dozen pokes, per tooth, minimum) or the thought of anything even remotely associated with drilling a hole, anywhere, is enough to bring a shiver down my spine!!! BBBBBRRRRRZZZZZ!!! [shiver] My middle girl (she's 15) however, couldn't care less, seeing as she's had: Tonsils removed in 2006 Was filleted like a fish, from behind, at the base of her spine, to, um, let's just say Heather spent her 13th birthday, during Christmas week, getting used to sleeping on her side (shiver!) It took 18 months, 1 emergency hospital visit and 3 more cauterizations before it FINALLY healed (we hope!) Unlike her oldest sister, needed 4 teeth pulled before being fitted for braces, last year So, yeah, Heather's had more blood tests, shots and parts of her body violated by doctors, than me, my husband AND my... Read more →