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Nobody Puts Baby in the Dentist Chair

I hate the dentist.  What?!?  You, too!!!  Seriously, the word Novocaine alone (for me, a dozen pokes, per tooth, minimum) or the thought of anything even remotely associated with drilling a hole, anywhere, is enough to bring a shiver down my spine!!!



My middle girl (she's 15) however, couldn't care less, seeing as she's had:

  • Tonsils removed in 2006
  • Was filleted like a fish, from behind, at the base of her spine, to, um, let's just say Heather spent her 13th birthday, during Christmas week, getting used to sleeping on her side (shiver!)
  • It took 18 months, 1 emergency hospital visit and 3 more cauterizations before it FINALLY healed (we hope!)
  • Unlike her oldest sister, needed 4 teeth pulled before being fitted for braces, last year

So, yeah, Heather's had more blood tests, shots and parts of her body violated by doctors, than me, my husband AND my other kids, combined.

Did I mention, said doctors happened to be training medical students, at the time, like, in "UGH, really Mom, I mean, I don't even know what MY butt looks like!?!?"

Although, her father and I like to kid her about being spared less beatings, than her siblings, considering she DOES have the MOST expensive backside (heh!)

Of course, I kid (sort of) and no, she STILL doesn't find that last sentence, humorous, at all, either, trust me.

Aaaaanyway, so, I took my youngest kids to the dentist office (FINALLY!) since my oldest kids visit their ortho practice AND because, you know, we LOVE sending OTHER people on vacation.


They were both a little nervous (me, too!) but, Hope went first (of course!) and then the dentist got down to the nitty-gritty.

"Blah, blah, blah, slight decay in number blah and blah, also in numbers blah and blah."

Okay, not for nothing, but I just thought of ANOTHER word that makes me shiver.



Poor thing sat there, EYES WIDE, just like that and, honestly, the last dentist just sort of did whatever, made a cool balloon-ey sort of animal, out of a latex glove, gave her a pencil and sent us on our way.

"We'll have to fix those, right away!"

This one threw his gloves away.  Then he left.  I'm not sure I like this dentist. 

So, I whispered to the dental hygenist, just in case.

"Does decay mean the same thing as cavaties?"

[eyes go REAL wide]

"I HAVE CAVATIES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

PHEW!!!  Hope's hearing, however, seems just fine.  Still, none of my other kids have ever had cavaties (Glen's checkup went fine) so, there's that.

"Yes, but they're just teeny-tiny ones."

I do, however, like the dental hygienist. 

"It's ALL your fault, Mom!"

Backstory:  Hope went to her first sleepover, called to tell me I packed the wrong toothbrush and I told her to use it anyway, seeing as she is the youngest and, you know, I'm tired.

[sound of crickets]

Yeah, the dental hygienist gave me that same exact look, I bet you dollars to donuts, that you're giving me, right now.

"Baby, it will be alright, trust me."

Aaaaand, how do I know?  Well:

  • I made the appointment
  • Her Dad is going to take her
  • NO, he doesn't know about it yet, either


Enough said.

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