•  I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except blue, or purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the Apple and/or UGG store.

• I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy...yes, 10 years ago, moving on....

• If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like bars for the windows and a never-ending supply of feminine products; a television that doesn't broadcast programs featuring the words "pregnant," "teen," "moms," and/or "Kardashian" in the same sentence (it's A LOT to ask for, I know!)

• Or, a refrigerator that has a secret compartment with a built-in television, probably behind the vegetable crisper, where the kids will NEVER see it, will do just fine.

• On the practical side, I could use a new cell phone ringtone that says, "Yes, Mom!" or, "You WERE right, Mom!" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't grow out of shoes (or their clothes) for at least six months and three pairs of  jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools...just so you know...I've been patiently waiting for this one, since 2006, Santa.

• I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting  "The dishwasher IS dirty" and "For the love of all things holiday, HAND UP YOUR WET TOWELS," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

• If it's too late to find any of these products,  I'd settle for enough time to actually complete my to do list, just one time would be enough, or the luxury of being able to eat, sitting down, at the dinner table, or ANY table.

• If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season for a couple of friends of mine, too (don't worry, they know who they are!)

• Oh, and would it be too much trouble to declare chocolate a vegetable?

• It will clear my conscience immensely.

• Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and it keeps shrinking MY clothes.  Btw, I think it's broken.

Have a safe trip, remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.   I'd offer you some cookies, but they're all gone (don't judge!)

Yours Always,

I.M. Tired

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa...or, just send George Clooney and we'll call it even.

See you next year (my husband is on vacation next week, for the first time in his adult life) enough said.

Until then, feel free to add to the list (go ahead, Santa won't mind) and Happy Holidaze my friends!!!

© 2003 - 2011 This Full House