I love a good old-fashioned ghost story:  stuff like The Sixth Sense, Woman in Black and Paranormal Activity can really get my adrenaline pumping and then I start hollering stuff like, "Oh, you do NOT want to go in there" and "Turn around, turn around, they are RIGHT BEHIND YOU, dammit"!

Which is probably why it is a pretty good idea that I wait until these type of movies are released on DVD.

I just get myself too involved in the storyline and, more often than not, would end up...you know...more dead-ish than not.

Which is why I am not a BIG fan of zombie movies:  unless we're talking The Walking Dead and, well, "Turn around, turn around, they are RIGHT BEHIND YOU, dammit"!

Alright, so maybe there are worse things to worry about than a Zombie Apocalypse and...YES!...real life is A LOT more scary (especially, if you have teens) unless we're talking The Walking Dead.

"Turn around, turn around, they are RIGHT BEHIND YOU, dammit!"

My husband, Garth and I watched the premiere of Season 3 last night and even my 13 year-old son was all, like, CHILL OUT MOM!

"Oh, you do NOT want to go in there!"

The really, REALLY scary thing about The Walking Dead -- besides the fact that I would have totally made the same mistake, gone in through THAT door and...BAM!...instant zombie smorgasbord -- is the realization that I could very easily be mistaken as...you know...being one of them:

Glazed-over, zombie-like eyes -- could be just a matter of excessive protein build-up or chronic progressive conjunctivitis, you're welcome.

Loss of coherent speech -- I live with 3 teens, enough said.

Rate of physical decomposition has increased -- you just wait until YOU turn 40-something, you little jerk.

Walk with a slow, erratic and in an unusually lumbering way -- dumbass sciatica, stupid herniated discs.

Always hungry -- friggin' ravenous even, stupid mid-life metabolism.

Tendency to stumble over obstacles and through solid walls -- which is a rather frequent and normal occurrence, when you're severely near-sided and have misplaced your glasses, again?!?

Moral of the Story:  don't be hating on us zombies and, if you think THAT'S scary, you really should see my teens, first thing on a Monday morning.

"Turn around, turn around, they are RIGHT BEHIND YOU, dammit"!

TURNING!!!  WALL!!!  SLAM!!!  ZOMBIE SMORGASBORD!!!

"Ughmath thughca, oohpih woonthid iiiiiith!"

Translation:  dumbass sciatica, stupid herniated discs.

© 2003 - 2012 This Full House