Some parenting-type experts will agree:  most teens have no idea how to have real conversations, because they are too busy texting on their cell phones.

I am NOT one of these parenting-type experts:  in fact, I really do wonder if any of them...you know...actually live with teens and I'm just going to embrace this moment (sorry, I'm a hugger) and share a little parenting-type secret with you, okay?

Wait. For. It.

Teens do NOT talk:  sometimes, even when they are spoken to, and I most humbly suggest that you just go ahead and not expect any serious eye contact, anytime soon, either -- it'll be easier that way, trust me.

However, most parents also own cell phones and, well, messing with your teens just got better.

For example-type purposes:  my oldest daughter went out with a bunch of girlfriends to celebrate one of their birthdays, after work.

No biggie, right?

I'm going to add some key pieces of information missing from that sentence:  

• My oldest daughter is 19
• As are her girlfriends
• It was teen night, at a dance club
• My daughter's shift ended at 8 p.m.
• She got home at 9 p.m.
• It took her until sometime around 10:00 p.m. to figure out just which shoes goes best with which top

All "yeah, but she's an adult now" and "she's got a good head on her shoulders" arguments aside (because, seriously, with a houseful of teenagers, the line for questioning my parenting abilities forms to the right) I suspect any attention she does get will most probably NOT be kept, above the shoulders.

• Text me, no maybes!

Long story, short (I know, too late, but we're already too deep into brain vomit, you're welcome) I pretty much did the same thing at her age (YES, I still remember and never mind just HOW long ago it was) and, well, only really important people walked around with briefcase phones.

Aaaaaand, my parents never slept.

Today, my husband and I insist that our kids remember to, at the very least, text us:  but STILL we are NOT sleeping.

• 10:03 p.m. -- at Snooki's house (not her real name and don't EVEN!) I'll text when we leave
• 1:29 a.m. -- Heading to get food now then back to Snooki's (seriously, JUST STOP IT!) house!  All safe and sound 
• 2:19 a.m. -- change of plans, I am sleeping over Annie's (not her real name, either and this would be funnier, if she had red, curly hair, which she doesn't, whatev!) I'm there now

She did stop home long enough to tell me some quick and amazingly funny stories from last night (seems guys have NOT changed, AT ALL!) and then I got this text after she got into work:

What?!?  Alright, fine, I don't expect everyone will get the 80's movie reference, but my kids are pretty used to my busting out into Broadway show tunes, too...aaaaaaand, YES!!!...this IS the part where you should start feeling a little bit better about yourself :)

You know, thinking on it some more, I never DID hear back from her.  Maybe she's just too busy Googling "fly dance moves" right?!?  RIGHT?!?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Stupid parenting-type experts; dumbass 80's catchphrases.

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