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March 2014

Ohhhhh, Gwyneth...

Disclosure: I am not a big fan of Gwyneth Paltrow. Still, I totally get that people (specifically, parents) do and say some very silly things sometimes, expensive words like "conscious uncoupling" and "co-parenting" make my brain itch.

On the other hand, I use made-up phrases all the time (much to the chagrin of my grammarly-gifted friends) so I can certainly relate to the assumption that there may have been a little snark sprinkled in, because...HELLO WORLD!!!....Paltrow's got a personal lifestyle website to maintain.

So, it's no surprise that news organizations and the internets were more than ready, willing and able to start dissecting her marriage...her relationships...both business and personal, past and present...the way she eats, talks, dresses...her very character...as a person and a mom...as we speak.

I mean, wow! I can't imagine living in THAT sort of bubble or say that I would want to, especially when being called out for saying something silly or debating which mom's job is harder.

Pssst, my best guess: ALL OF THEM.

Still, I can't help but think to myself...meh, Gwyneth is living her reality...not mine...and I feel a little sad for her, even.

Her marriage is breaking up and the ENTIRE world is watching AND has an opinion.

So, since we're getting all opinionatey and stuff (and by we're, I mean me're), I'm pretty sure that Gwyneth would have a real hard time relating to me, too (either?) or the THRILL of:

  • Coming across loose change in the dryer AND the washer still works
  • Pulling on a warm pair of jeans AND finding a five dollar bill in your back pocket
  • Looking for that grocery list you threw into your purse AND pulling out a DOUBLE coupon
  • Successfully maneuvering your way out of the carpool lane...with both bumpers...still intact
  • Pouring gas treatment into your car AND then having the check engine light go out
  • Crying your way home/work/or both, wondering how you will EVER make it through the rest of the day AND then everyone at the four-way stop lets YOU go first

Long story, short: we don't know, what we don't know, but I'm pretty sure uncoupling is NOT a real word.

Oh, hang on, but according to Webster:

un-cou-ple, transitive verb \-ˈkə-pəl\ :to separate or disconnect (something) from something else.

Oh, but wait, not according to Urban Dictionary:

uncoupling isn't defined. Can you define it?

Ohhhhhh, Gwyneth. I'm so sorry. Clearly, we can't be friends. /snark

©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything!   

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

Went looking for a sugar bowl, but I decided to make these, instead: 20 Minute Mason Jar Dispensers

In an ongoing effort to cut down on the clutter (or clut-tuh, if you're from Jersey), I decided to re-arrange our kitchen counter (AGAIN!) and, while I was at it, organize myself a lovely little coffee station.

Because COFFEE!!! But the sugar bowls were taking up way too much counter space that we already didn't have and yes, I said sugar BOWLS: one for me and one for my husband, Garth (not his real name) who prefers the alternative-type of sweetener (a.k.a. sweet-nuh).

I remembered my MIL gave us a box of stuff, that was never added to the yard sale that we never had, so I headed out to the garage to do a little...you know...thrift shopping.

Mason jar craft supplies

Didn't find any sugar bowls (DANGIT!), but I did come across a couple of mason jars and corrugated salad bowls from the summer. Remember summertime? Yeah, me either. **sigh** Anyway, I thought to myself...SELF!!!...I can totally make these work:

Mason jar craft step 1 
I was actually looking for cardboard, but figured these heavier-type of paper bowls would work out just fine, because I am a mason jar half-full sort of gal.  

Mason jar craft step 2In fact, the paper made it much easier to fit the rounds into the mason jar lids. Now that I'm thinking on it some more, card stock would probably work really well, too.

Mason jar craft step 3

This project took me about 20 minutes to complete: I spent most of that time trying to get the labels to print out right, because I am a dork! You could certainly spend a more time in fashioning a prettier label, too.

Mason jar craft finished 3Either way, I love getting the chance to recycle (or upcycle) something from my garage and I am super-happy the way these simple little mason jar dispensers turned out.

Mah coffee center!

Aaaaaand, more importantly, they fit in nicely with my new coffee station, just left to the standing mixer, because...COFFEE!!!!

©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything!   

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

Old school blogging, yo!

One of the many reasons I love blogging (not to mention, why I've been at it for almost 11 years now): I've had the pleasure of watching this space grow and mature into sooooo many wonderfully diverse communities.

You can't go two clicks without meeting someone new to the blogosphere.

So, inspired by my friends Shannon and Kendra, I'm kicking it old school and linking up with Elaine from The Miss Elaine-ous Life and Kim from Co-Pilot Mom for some Old School Blogging where I answer a list of random questions.

[rolls up sleeves, blows bangs out of eyes]

Okay, LET'S DO THIS:

What is the last thing you watched on T.V.? Walking Dead; unless there's a zombie close by, then I'm hiding behind Daryl Dixon and keeping a real close eye on his...never mind!

Daryl Dixon of Walking Dead, YUM!
BONUS: For all my Walking Dead sistuhs out there AND for all you non-Walking Dead fans -- meet Daryl, enough said!

When did you last step outside? What were you doing? Yesterday, I was waving at my parents as they were pulling out of our driveway. Then I took a quick nap before Walking Dead. I love Sundays!

What is on the walls of the room you are in? A bulletin board filled with family photos, greeting cards from friends, a valentine from my husband and a chalkboard counting down the days until my kids' adopted Aunt Melisa's visit...YO!

Countdown until Melisa

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? 6 first class plane tickets to Hungary, 2 more tickets for my parents and then iPads for ALL the kids. They have NEVER been on a plane, enough said.

Tell me something about you that most people don’t know. I dream in color and, if I happen to wake up in the middle of a dream, I can go back to sleep and finish a dream; but I am harmless, promise.

Who made the last incoming call on your phone? My oldest daughter, to tell me that she was on her way home from work and to ask if I needed her to pick up anyone or anything, so I am much more relaxed about her driving.

If you could change something about your house without having to worry about expense or mess, what would it be? Way too many things to list, but I would love to get the house sided and we most definitely need a new roof (stupid Superstorm Sandy, dumbass Hurricane Irene!)

What is the last thing you bought? I ordered sushi for me and my son on Friday when the 3 girls went to the mall, but the girls ended up coming home early and had leftovers, c'est la vie...I mean...sore ga jinseida.

Would you go bungee jumping or skydiving? Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha...[wipes eyes]...that IS a good one.

If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? They're not famous, but I would LOVE to be able to go back in time, cook a meal with my grandmothers/great grandmothers and then listen to them talk about their lives. That would be awesome.

Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Been there, done that, not a big fan of credit cards. But, we're just pretending...sooooo...Pottery Barn and/or Pier 1 would be my choice(s).

Is the glass half empty or half full? Half full; unless it happens to be a glass of my favorite wine, then it's totally empty.

What’s the farthest away place you’ve ever been? Visiting family in Hungary and Austria with my parents when I was 2 years-old, 6 years-old, on my own at 22 years-old and then the last time was when introducing my then new husband in 1991. So, we are looooong overdue for a visit (see: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?)

What's under your bed? Don't know, I watch way too many horror films and am too afraid to look.

What is your favorite time of day? Twilight, just before the sun rises or just after sunset, must be the Eastern European in me.

What inspires you? Spending time with my kids and listening to them talk about their dreams; laughing with my friends; my husband Garth, (not his real name) knowing I'm a dork and loving me anyway, to name a few.

Okay, now it's YOUR turn. Tell me something about you that most people don't know. Or, hop on over to Elaine’s, grab a button, meet a new blogger (or twenty) and join the fun. G'head, I'll wait!

P.S. The link up is closed, go figure, but better late than never.

P.P.S. They do this sort of thing every month, so there's that.

P.P.P.S. I am SUCH a dork.

©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything!   

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

6 Easy Ways to Wrap a Scarf, Wrong

It's springtime here in Jersey...wait, let me look out the window...YEP!...today, anyway. So, I thought it would be fun to break out with the light and airy scarves, until I tried to tie one around my neck and, well, that's an accident...just waiting to happen.

There are about a bazillion online tutorials on how to wear scarves and they are all great, until I actually try to tie one around my neck and, well, see previous paragraph.

6 Easy Ways To Wrap a Scarf, WRONG!

You know, what?!? It would be a whole lot easier if someone showed us fashionably-dorky-types what [k]NOT to do...and...HEY!!!!...wait a minute...I CAN DO THAT!!!  

Adding to the series of "how NOT to" vlogs, I am very happy to be able to present to you (still breathing and with all my limbs still attached) the scarf edition:

 

Long story-short: Fashion can be fun, as long as it is kept safe, and I am fashion's number one safety officer, or something like that.  

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Hey...look over there...isn't that Audrey and Vera?!?  

[SLAM!!!]

Stupid scarves, dumbass impossibly difficult knots.

©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything!   

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

No longer THAT mom, but about THAT crazy lady, at the grocery store.

If given the choice ten years ago: I would rather push an old-fashioned reel lawn mower through a field of sticky balls...barefoot...than spend half the day dodging other shopping carts at the supermarket, while simultaneously attempting to put ALL the stuff my kids threw into OUR cart...accidentally on purpose...back on the shelf.

Now that my kids are older? I still hate...Hate...HAte...HATe...HATE food shopping. Unless I am with my husband (date night at the supermarket, FTW!) and most especially if I happen to be shopping with one of my teenagers.

"Are you Facebooking, again?!?"

Facebooking in the grocery store, FTW!

 

 

 

"Maaaaaaaaaybeeeeeeeee?"

The kids were off on Friday (the winter daze have sort of melded together, I forget why) so I asked my son to go food shopping with me (he lives with 3 sisters, enough said!) and, now that he's getting older (me too, DAMMIT!) I'm beginning to realize that not ONLY is my son the spitting image of GarthNHRN, the kid rolls his eyes at me....just like his dad...too.

"Put your phone away, Mom!"

Long story, short: raising teenagers can be sort of fun, sometimes.

"Can you load the conveyor belt, while I go ahead and bag?"

Aaaaaand, very rarely...like in, almost never...do we experience any drama at the check-out line, unless I'm shopping with my youngest (who NEVER seems to have ANY gum in her pocket, because I am the meanest mom EVER) and especially if:

  • The store you normally shop in is wicked-busy
  • So you head to the one across the street
  • Where there are only two cash registers open EVER (don'tcha HATE that?!?)
  • And you happen to pick the teenage cashier with an attitude
  • (see previous parenthesis)
  • Who clearly heard "I'll go ahead and bag"
  • As "You just go ahead and scan ALL that stuff, REAL FAST" dammit!

Because, of course!

"Gah...the bread...the eggs...GAH!!!"

I don't do ANYTHING, real fast...but I do tend to drop stuff, OFTEN...especially when I'm expected to do stuff...REAL FAST!!!

Oh, and shopping bags that tend to tear...REAL FAST...do NOT help.

KABOOM!!! WHOOSH!!!

And hollering at your 15yo son, after YOU were the one who just dropped AND spilled an entire bottle of juice...most definitely does NOT help...NOT ONE BIT.

"Don't just stand there, PICK IT UP!!!"

In my defense, it was an expensive bottle of juice that happened to be on sale...dammit...but my poor son was clearly too embarrassed to acknowledge that...you know...he was actually shopping with me...and NO!!!...I do NOT blame him...but would you believe that the cashier just stood there and watched it GLUG-GLUG-GLUG all over the floor.

Okay, I lied. She crossed her arms and then started popping her gum.

"Clean up at register 2!!!"

Good thing this was NOT my first rodeo...or juice spilling, for that matter...oh, and I was wearing my glasses, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to holler out which aisle was now drowning in juice...REAL FAST.

"DAMMIT!!!"

Now, to keep the rest of this blog post short and sweet, here's the bulleted version of what happened next:

  • I picked up the almost-empty juice bottle
  • And then dropped it again
  • Because, wet juice bottle
  • And then kicked the now even-more-empty bottle of juice
  • Creating two rivers of juice
  • So I asked my son to move the shopping cart closer
  • Okay...fine...some SCREAMING may have been involved
  • While he calmly continued to load the belt
  • And tried NOT to slip on the river of juice
  • That had now formed between us
  • But he forgot about the second river of juice
  • And did a real crazy side-step
  • Because he is almost 7 feet tall
  • Or something
  • And kicked over the even-more-empty bottle of juice
  • Which then spilled, again
  • Creating a friggin' ocean of juice
  • With the juice bottle cap floating right in the middle
  • So I bent over to pick it up, because that is a law suit just waiting to happen
  • But I kicked the cap
  • Which then ricocheted off the now empty bottle of juice
  • And slid across the floor
  • Right into the bank kiosk
  • Which caused the woman
  • Who was woman-ing the bank kiosk
  • To laugh, hysterically
  • And then start to look for a camera
  • Insisting that my son and I were punking the store
  • Or something
  • Because NOTHING like this EVER happens
  • Not in real life, anyways
  • And this is when the cashier started bagging stuff
  • Because she wanted us to get out of there, REAL FAST, too! 

Aaaaaaand then we left, end scene. The real kicker to this story?!? One of the reasons why I even bothered to stop at this particular store, in the first place?!? Was because...

...wait...

...for...

...it...

...their juice was on sale.

[rolling eyes, like a GarthNHRN]

Thinking on it some more, we never DID get out replacement bottle of juice, which also means we paid double the price, for one bottle of juice, dammit.

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Stupid food shopping, dumbass easy-tearing plastic bags.

©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything!   

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

More stuff Bing said, my dad said, on Facebook.

Papa is on Facebook

My dad has been on "the Facebook" for a little over a year and it's been fun to watch him reconnect with friends and family here and in Hungary, but he was a little worried about leaving comments for his English-speaking friends...in English...so, of course, I tried to encourage him (because I am ALL about social media engagement, yo) by insisting that Bing translator would help them out.

Aaaaand, seeing some of the crazy stuff that Bing said, that he said, is yet ANOTHER reason why I do not, and should probably never be encouraged to, teach social media classes.

Then again, some of my Facebook friends seem to be having fun trying to make sense of the Hungarian to English translation, my favorite being: if there is no love there is no semi swaddling you.

Until, this particular conversation:

The track for Pax, I think.
Then, my Dad commented on my Facebook: Nalunk ho, legalab is eszt montak.

And I commented back: Nalunk is, Apu...sok ho.

Dad: By us snow, at least this is what they said.

Me: By us too, Dad...lots of snow.

Then, there's what Bing said:

Dad: We offer you, ho.

Me: We offer you, Dad...a lot of ho.

Right. Go home, Bing. You're drunk. And who you callin' a ho?!?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

So, yeah, I can't WAIT to see what Bing says, he says, next.  Oh, and now I am also thinking about changing my blog's tagline to:  

...6 people, living in a 7 room house, and a lot of ho.  

Stupid English, dumbass Bing.

©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything!  

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

There's a hole in the bucket, dear GarthNHRN.

My husband, Garth (not his real name) has a lot of stuff on his plate at work. So, When it comes to taking care of the stuff here in the house, the kids and I have this one unspoken rule: if it is NOT broken, don't try to fix it. And if it is broken, then for the LOVE of all the things that mom let's YOU get away with, do NOT tell your father.

Because, more often than not, I was the one who probably broke it AND that is precisely when the "unspoken" part of the rule would come into play.

Long story, short (seriously, I love you guys THAT much!) we've done A LOT of this, lately:

 

Even longer story, short (this is the part where you begin to understand exactly WHY my husband does NOT allow me to use his real name and then start to feel VERY thankful that you do NOT have to live with me, you're welcome!): our house phone hasn't been working right (like in, not at all) since forever.

The phone line shows in use, although it is not, so incoming calls are not getting through to the phone (it rings through for the caller, the phone does not ring on our end), but the calls ARE showing up on our caller i.d., which seems to be working fine on our television, judging by the kids hollering THE NAME of whoever happens to be calling at the time, because of course.

"GRANDMA'S CALLING!!!!!"

Fun times, my friends. Aaaaaanyway. The phone guy was here last week and declared our phone lines #FUBAR, because OF COURSE!  And, after seeing signs of an on-going renovation (although longtime readers will already know that it's been going on for the last 20 years, but whatever), he insisted that we could probably save the $100 bucks and just have Garth (not his real name) fix it.

Which, in my mind, I'm hearing as:

  • We could save some money.
  • Instead of bleed money.
  • Because, quite frankly, with another kid looking at colleges AND taking into consideration the laws of #FUBAR...dude...we are ALL bled out.
  • But, we could actually save some money.
  • And maybe my husband will feel good about having fixed something, himself.
  • Oh, and we could save some money.

So then, GarthNHRN surprised me by taking the day off from work on Friday...to do just that...okay, maybe not. Still. It was super-great timing on his part, RIGHT?!?

And then, I decided to do a speed clean, while he showered, because I am super-efficient like that AND a dazzlingly-clean floor helps to distract people from noticing all the sheetrock (feel free to use that tip, btw!) until I noticed the loose tile behind the door and then found the hole in the floor.

We took in some water damage during Hurricane Irene (and then the house took another hit during Superstorm Sandy), but what we didn't realize is the sub-flooring had gotten squishy in sections by the door and, well, #FUBAR!!!

Aaaaand, it took ALL my strength NOT to enforce the "unspoken" rule and show my husband.

He took it better than I thought, although I could almost hear his brain screech to a halt and see the hair that hadn't already turned gray...go white...so, I enforced the "one thing at a time" rule and we decided to focus on fixing the phone line...because #FUBAR!!!

We then headed to our home away from home...Home Depot.

"I need to get a new staple gun, because you broke mine."

Actually, NO!!! I broke my husband's electric staple gun, but that was YEARS ago!!! And I know...FOR A FACT...that he decided to replace it with a non-electrical staple gun...after I nearly electrocuted myself...by accident.

Pro-Dork Tip: metal screening and electric do NOT mix.

I actually said that...OUT LOUD...to the amusement of a couple of contractors and such...and if you ARE a contractor, you really should be shopping with us at Home Depot (or Lowes, we're easy) because, #FUBAR!!!

And then GarthNHRN reached for the non-electrical staple gun.

"It used to look like this one!"

But, I still insisted it couldn't have been me who broke it, because I couldn't even squeeze the trigger handle hard enough on THIS one to use it...aaaaaaaaand...oh, wait.

[eyes go wide]

Here's another Pro-Dork Tip: using a hammer on a staple gun, to help bang the trigger handle down on the staple gun, WILL break the staple gun.

Right. So. If anyone needs me, I'll be waiting for ANOTHER repairman...in the floor behind the front door...most likely. 

[cue Walter, laughing]

And for those of you too young to understand the reference to the blog title, here ya' go:

 

Oh, and just so you know, GarthNHRN was able to fix the phone line, 6 hours and $150 later...stupid phone guy, dumbass squishy floors.

©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything! 

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.