Yesterday started out uneventfully enough -- I hopped onto the train (okay, so it was more like a slow side-step, being very weary of not falling in between the dreaded gap) settled into my seat (near the emergency exit, of course!) and then started playing around with my phone.
And then my left eye began to twitch and I started rubbing it...and rubbing it...and daaaaaaang, what is UP with the itching...so I rubbed it some more, blaming the stupid cat or the dumbass dog for dumping hair all over the house.
I got into work and then the coughing started...cough-cough...hack...gag...cough-cough...OMG!!!...what is up with all this...cough-cough...hacking?!?!?! I've had this weird sort of nothing cough since spring, so I thought maybe it's allergies...rub...rub...rub...and the itchy eyes must be like fall allergies...OR...I'm just allergic to work.
What?!? YOU TOO!!! Ugh, one of us needs to win the lottery and end our agony, right?!?
So, by the end of the day, my left eye was beginning to hurt and now my right eye was getting all weepy, but I really needed to finish up a few projects before leaving for home, so I texted my husband:
So, I got on the train and then the pain hit...not like, hmmmm, this sucker hurts...I'm talking about the full-metal-holy-crap-I'm-dying-ova-here...ME EYE!!!! And then I InstaFacebooked it:
So my husband, Garth (not his real name) picks me up at the train station and takes me to the doctors office. We were waiting for quite a while and I was getting restless, because ME EYE!!! So, as a way of distracting myself from the full-metal-holy-crap-I'm-dying-ova-here, I started telling my husband about the conversation I had with my co-workers, before leaving the office.
"I told them it was probably pink eye and then one of them asked me if I had heard about the licking eyeball fetish?!?"
"I looked it up on the train home and found out it has a name, too: Oculolinctus."
"Even though I was a little afraid about Googling licking eyeballs, because you never know what the Internet will spit out!"
[one beat, two beats]
Aaaaand, oh how he laughed...and laughed...
[the sound of crickets chirping]
Moral of the Story: I put the LOL into Oculolinctus!
[the sound of crickets gasping for air, and then falling down, dead before even hitting the floor]
Stupid pink eye, dumbass OcuLOLinctus.