Extreme Home-Do-Over

There's a hole in the bucket, dear GarthNHRN.

My husband, Garth (not his real name) has a lot of stuff on his plate at work. So, When it comes to taking care of the stuff here in the house, the kids and I have this one unspoken rule: if it is NOT broken, don't try to fix it. And if it is broken, then for the LOVE of all the things that mom let's YOU get away with, do NOT tell your father.

Because, more often than not, I was the one who probably broke it AND that is precisely when the "unspoken" part of the rule would come into play.

Long story, short (seriously, I love you guys THAT much!) we've done A LOT of this, lately:


Even longer story, short (this is the part where you begin to understand exactly WHY my husband does NOT allow me to use his real name and then start to feel VERY thankful that you do NOT have to live with me, you're welcome!): our house phone hasn't been working right (like in, not at all) since forever.

The phone line shows in use, although it is not, so incoming calls are not getting through to the phone (it rings through for the caller, the phone does not ring on our end), but the calls ARE showing up on our caller i.d., which seems to be working fine on our television, judging by the kids hollering THE NAME of whoever happens to be calling at the time, because of course.


Fun times, my friends. Aaaaaanyway. The phone guy was here last week and declared our phone lines #FUBAR, because OF COURSE!  And, after seeing signs of an on-going renovation (although longtime readers will already know that it's been going on for the last 20 years, but whatever), he insisted that we could probably save the $100 bucks and just have Garth (not his real name) fix it.

Which, in my mind, I'm hearing as:

  • We could save some money.
  • Instead of bleed money.
  • Because, quite frankly, with another kid looking at colleges AND taking into consideration the laws of #FUBAR...dude...we are ALL bled out.
  • But, we could actually save some money.
  • And maybe my husband will feel good about having fixed something, himself.
  • Oh, and we could save some money.

So then, GarthNHRN surprised me by taking the day off from work on Friday...to do just that...okay, maybe not. Still. It was super-great timing on his part, RIGHT?!?

And then, I decided to do a speed clean, while he showered, because I am super-efficient like that AND a dazzlingly-clean floor helps to distract people from noticing all the sheetrock (feel free to use that tip, btw!) until I noticed the loose tile behind the door and then found the hole in the floor.

We took in some water damage during Hurricane Irene (and then the house took another hit during Superstorm Sandy), but what we didn't realize is the sub-flooring had gotten squishy in sections by the door and, well, #FUBAR!!!

Aaaaand, it took ALL my strength NOT to enforce the "unspoken" rule and show my husband.

He took it better than I thought, although I could almost hear his brain screech to a halt and see the hair that hadn't already turned gray...go white...so, I enforced the "one thing at a time" rule and we decided to focus on fixing the phone line...because #FUBAR!!!

We then headed to our home away from home...Home Depot.

"I need to get a new staple gun, because you broke mine."

Actually, NO!!! I broke my husband's electric staple gun, but that was YEARS ago!!! And I know...FOR A FACT...that he decided to replace it with a non-electrical staple gun...after I nearly electrocuted myself...by accident.

Pro-Dork Tip: metal screening and electric do NOT mix.

I actually said that...OUT LOUD...to the amusement of a couple of contractors and such...and if you ARE a contractor, you really should be shopping with us at Home Depot (or Lowes, we're easy) because, #FUBAR!!!

And then GarthNHRN reached for the non-electrical staple gun.

"It used to look like this one!"

But, I still insisted it couldn't have been me who broke it, because I couldn't even squeeze the trigger handle hard enough on THIS one to use it...aaaaaaaaand...oh, wait.

[eyes go wide]

Here's another Pro-Dork Tip: using a hammer on a staple gun, to help bang the trigger handle down on the staple gun, WILL break the staple gun.

Right. So. If anyone needs me, I'll be waiting for ANOTHER repairman...in the floor behind the front door...most likely. 

[cue Walter, laughing]

And for those of you too young to understand the reference to the blog title, here ya' go:


Oh, and just so you know, GarthNHRN was able to fix the phone line, 6 hours and $150 later...stupid phone guy, dumbass squishy floors.

©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything! 

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

Decking the halls, like there's no tomorrow.

We've hosted Thanksgiving for more than a dozen years and, for all my talk of going on killer dust bunny hunts and finding new places to hide the laundry, I really do enjoy having family over for the holidays -- YES, on purpose!

Decking the halls with kids 2013

Aaaaaand, now that my kids are older (me too, dammit!) I don't worry as much about:

  • The table setting -- nope, it doesn't match, but I hear that's a thing now
  • The food preparation -- yes, some of it comes out of a can
  • Cleaning and organizing the flow of the house -- seriously, I've got teens

I don't bother with shopping lists (having forgotten them at home, most likely) or worry whether I've managed to hunt down each and every dust bunny, because they're sort of like pets and we've even named a few of the bigger ones.

Decking the halls 2013 snowman

You see, no matter how my husband, Garth (not his real name) and I try, we've come to accept the simple fact that, with a family as big as ours, some things just don't go right and, before you can say, "Pass the potatoes," someone's puking all over your nice, clean and shiny floors.

Decking the halls 2013

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Eve, we've got a Nor'easter banging on our front door and, well, I did what any self-respecting lifestyle-type blogger would do:  I decked the halls (okay, mostly the dining room) like there was no tomorrow, literally.

Honestly, with our luck, I'll be super-thankful to have electricity on Thursday, because I am also super-easy to please, like that :)

©2003 -2013 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook and everything!

I'm NaBloPoMo-ing it, feel free to check out what I've NaBloPoMo-ed, so far (PHEW!) and let me know how I'm doing (I mean, 30 posts, in 30 days, really?!?) when you have time, of course!

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

I have faith in my husband's DIY abilities, enough for the both of us!

I was 5 months pregnant with our first when we moved into our house and, 20 years later, my husband Garth (not his real name) and I still lovingly refer to it as, "our starter home."

So, yeah, we're REAL slooooooooooooow starters.  

We've grown comfortable with our surroundings and often times describe our home as being decorated in Early American Garage Sale, having inherited nearly everything we own.

It's okay, because each piece of furniture has its own story, my favorite being the dining room trestle table and benches: they belonged to my mother-in-law, she raised 5 kids and shoo'd numerous springer spaniels from off of it...enough said.

I love EVERYTHING about the fact that many of the pieces we've adopted have survived the test of time: except for the light fixture in the dining room, I even had a REAL hard time trying to find a picture of it...until realizing JUST NOW that it is in my blog's header...DERP!!!

Not so thrilled about this light fixture

Thing is, the dining room is in the original part of the house (around 100 years-old) so there is no electricity in the ceiling and finding ceiling fixtures that do not require hard-wiring, but are in the low or less than three figures, has been near to impossible.

Dining Room Chandalier

So, I cashed in a gift card, bought us a brand new light fixture and insisted that Garth (not his real name) is handy-enough to turn a hard-wired light fixture into a totally hang-able (for lack of a better word) chandelier.

TAH-DAHHHH, I love being right: our brand new, picked it my ownself, dining room light that I love more than bacon.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Imma ponder Garth (not his real name)'s talent with kitchen ceilings!

©2003 -2013 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook and everything!

I'm NaBloPoMo-ing it, feel free to check out what I've NaBloPoMo-ed, so far (PHEW!) and let me know how I'm doing (I mean, 30 posts, in 30 days, really?!?) when you have time, of course!

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

Soooooo, I showed a tired old table a little love and now I'm ready for a nap.

Now that we're a couple of weeks into the new school year (gosh, but how I love September!) I feel it safe to say that the kids seem to be adjusting rather nicely to their schedules and by nicely I mean:

  • They have gotten up on time
  • Remembered to get dressed
  • Eat breakfast
  • Aaaaaand, to open the storm door BEFORE trying to exit the house

The fact that their mother (that would be me) still seems to be going through some freaked-out and totally irrational form of latent-nesting, not so much.

My son started his freshman year in high school and his middle sister will most likely be settled into her college dorm room, this time next year (please excuse me while I take a moment to collect myself, because....MY BAYYYYYBEEEEE!!!!....okay, I'm much better now, thanks).

My youngest will also be a teenager by then (this would be a good time to get a beverage, a snack, or something, because....MY BAYYYYYBEEEEEZ!!!!....ugh, moving on), don't you think it's sort of weird for me to be all, like....oh hey guys, where you going, come on in, sit down and stay a while....g'head and make yourselves comfy-cozy, m'kay?!?

Fixing up stuff so they actually....you know....want to hang around, just a little while longer....pleeeeeeeease?!?!?!?

For example:  this weekend, I was going through the garage (I hate it when they don't reload the toilet paper roll and won't miss that one bit!) and I came across this tired old table.

Tired old table
Poor tired old table, I know how you feel :(

Because no table should look this sad (or tired) and I didn't have the heart to throw it out, so I decided to transform it into a cozy tableau of cottage-style comfort that is totally nap-worthy!

Continue reading "Soooooo, I showed a tired old table a little love and now I'm ready for a nap." »

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

Because, I'm Awesome, My Husband Said So!

I've been blogging for nearly a decade (because 10 years doesn't sound nearly as great as all the gray hairs I've managed to nurture, along the way, YO!) and I've seen lots of good things happen to some pretty terrific people.

Some really craptastic stuff too, dammit.

Focusing on the great, the thing I love MOST about blogging communities?  There is almost always someone ready to lift you up and out of [enter whatever has you in a funk, right at this particular moment, right here] by the very simple act of typing three little words:

"I get it."

Then again, there are times when the suckage starts to run REAL deep and, well, the damned gerbil refuses to slow down long enough for me to get the words out of my head.

Never mind, having to worry about good grammar, proper punctuation and my terrible habit of using pretend words.

See: craptastic.  See also: suckage.

Besides, there is almost always SOMEONE ELSE who is most probably wading their way through some really craptastic suckage...worse even, dammit...and that someone may be reading this very blog post, right now, thinking:  

"Duuuuuuuuude, you have NO idea."

Sooooooo, I try to blog about stuff that perhaps help make OTHER folks (yes, maybe even YOU!) feel a little better about themselves. 

Today is NOT one of those days.

Continue reading "Because, I'm Awesome, My Husband Said So!" »

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

Did I Ever Tell You About the Spider Eggs in Our Wallpaper?

I finally caught up with Melisa, today -- she's having a tough week -- although, she'll tell you everything is okay, no really; she's fine.

Still, girl could use a virtual hug.  G'head, I'll wait.

Not for nothing, but having 3 out of 4 of my kids having attended, entering and/or graduating high school, this year (the boy is a freshman, our middle girl is a senior) I feel it safe to say that...YUP!!!...sending off "your youngest kid" to college is a really BIG deal!!!

Personally, I hate to think what it will be like for Hope, when she's ready to fly the nest, with me still hanging onto her ankles and everything, just saying.

Aaaaanyway, to help lighten things up a bit, I started telling Melisa this story, but she was running late (okay, fiiiiiiiiine, she said she was running late and I believe her...dammit!) and I was all like...that's okay, never mind...maybe I'll just blog it then.

Why?  For two reasons: 1) as a cautionary tale and 2) for informational purposes, of the sort of crud that goes on...behind closed walls...especially, when you're not looking.

Continue reading "Did I Ever Tell You About the Spider Eggs in Our Wallpaper?" »

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.

DIY: I Don't Think It Means What You Think It Does

Confession:  I am a DIY fan girl (not to mention, pretty gosh-darned fond of acronyms) and I may or may not have openly admitted to having a slight crush on Mike Holmes.

By openly, I mean blogged about my crushing on Mike Holmes, maybe more than once.  

Aaaaaaaand, by slight I mean, just short of tackling the poor man in public and demanding that he sign my good knee.

Which, these days, would not ONLY get me arrested (rightfully so, because, you can't just go tackling people in public, especially strangers who make a lot more money than you do, seriously), but then I'd have to convince my husband...my back DID SO give out, I just couldn't get off of the man...aaaaaaaand...try explaining THAT to the nightly news.

Aaaaanyway, what were we talking about?

[blows bangs out of eyes, look at ALL that dust on the television]

Oh yeah, sorry Mikey, adorable as you are, I am SO OVER earring-studded Canadians wielding hammers and such.

Property Brothers
The Property Brothers: because I am a dork and can't seem to embed the ding-danged pin http://pinterest.com/pin/162481499028515009/

Not to mention, double-handy and equally-adorable renovating genius twins like the Property Brothers, Drew and Jonathan Scott.

You see, for all your talk about...ummmmm...I'm not exactly sure what it is you're saying, because I may or may not be too busy being annoyed with the whine-y homeowners, wondering whether or not Jonathan (the muscle behind the redo) will be able to produce the real estate equivalent of a flipping miracle, in the time it takes me to make the simple decision between choosing regular or decaf, while hollering "WHAT IS WRONG with YOU PEOPLE?!?" at the television.

My husband, Garth (not his real name) doesn't like watching television with me, either (especially, on Wednesday nights) and, well, don't even get me started on how Pinterest makes DIY look so gosh-darned cut, paste, let dry for 24 hours and...VIOLA!!!...check out this easy DIY upcycled pergola!


Because, you know what DIY-ing really means, don't you?!?  Would you like to know what I think it means?!?  EXCELLENT!!!  For starters:

  • Do-It-Yet?:  as it is most commonly used in our house, the most probable answer being, next summer.
  • Don't-Injury-Yourself:  especially, if I am in the room and am mistakenly trusted with wielding heavy and/or sharp objects, then, oh yes, there will be blood.
  • D'OH-I'm-Yakking:  as in incessant vomiting, because...OMG!!!...all the blood.
  • Damn-It-YES!:  after asking my husband, for the eleven-teenth time, whether or not he remembered to charge the screw gun while adding "get new screw gun" onto the list on our twentieth trip to Home Depot.
  • Dyson-I'm-Yours:  *drooling* clean up in aisle...ummmm...wherever it is they keep the vacuums, this week.
  • Damn-It's-Yellow:  who knew there could be SO MANY shades of white?!?
  • Daddy-Is-Yelling:  he's not very fond of white-yellow.
  • Demolition-Is-Yucky:  although, dang if Mike Holmes doesn't make a hot mess look good.

Aaaaaand, the #1 reason why I seem to continually mis-pronounce or type it as DYI:

  • Do-Yourself-In:  enough said.

Are you feeling me?!?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Stupid DYI shows, dumbass acronyms.

© 2003 - 2013 This Full House 

With a fan page on Facebook and everything! 

© This Full House 2003-2017. All rights reserved.